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To feel deflated about DIY kitchen makeover

664 replies

Malahala · 22/08/2025 11:06

We moved into our house almost a year ago. It hadn’t been updated in 40 years, but it’s in a great area, between two outstanding schools, and we managed to get it for £200k less than asking as the seller needed a quick sale. It’s a 4-bed with 2 bathrooms, 2 receptions, a separate kitchen and a utility room. It’s a fantastic investment and I still feel lucky to own it.

The reality is we maxed ourselves out buying it, so there’s no money left for big renovations or an extension. My DH doesn’t like the house — he would have preferred a “done” house — but we couldn’t afford that in this area and didn’t want to move elsewhere. His attitude is that everything should be done by professionals, but we can’t afford that either.

So over the past year I’ve been doing most of the work myself: stripping wallpaper, painting, redecorating etc. Recently I tackled the 40-year-old kitchen. We can’t afford new units, so I added panelling to the cupboard doors and painted them, replaced the cabinet handles, removed the lino as it was damaged, stripped wallpaper, painted the walls and the orange tiles, covered the worst tiles with panelling, and wrapped the worktops in vinyl. It’s not perfect — some of the cupboards don’t hang completely straight and need adjusting — but the difference is huge. Instead of a 40-year-old kitchen, it now looks more like a 10-year-old one.

The problem is DH doesn’t appreciate it. He still says the kitchen looks “old” and can’t see the point of me spending a few hundred pounds making it nicer. He hasn’t lifted a finger to help because he doesn’t do DIY, won’t ask FIL (apparently he will be critical because the panelling on the cabinets isn’t quite right) or his builder friend (friend will likely be “too busy”), so it’s all been left to me. His view is we need a new kitchen/extension, but realistically that’s not happening for at least 5 years. I’d rather make it more liveable now.

What’s making me doubt myself is other people’s reactions. A wealthy friend came round and just said, “so much change!” but not that it looked nice. MIL commented on how hard I’d worked rather than how good it looked. My mum loved it and thought a new tap, sink and dishwasher would make a big difference (and she went straight out and bought all of these for me) but she’s also my mum so not that objective. Now I’m worrying I’ve just “polished a turd” and made the kitchen worse, whereas I genuinely feel it’s a big improvement.

Here are the before and (nearly) after photos. They may take a while to load. Be brutally honest — have I done a decent job for a DIY upgrade, or does it look as bad as DH, friend and MIL seem to think? I’m worried I’m embarrassing myself by being so pleased with my efforts.

YABU - I agree with your DH, friend and MIL
YANBU - It looks nice!

To feel deflated about DIY kitchen makeover
To feel deflated about DIY kitchen makeover
OP posts:
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9
Definitelyrandom · 22/08/2025 12:37

Looks hugely better. Love the tiles. Maybe add a few plants and get a more contrasting mat in front of the sink?

DitzyDerbyBabe86 · 22/08/2025 12:37

You’ve done an amazing job!! You should be proud x

MistressRoydon · 22/08/2025 12:36

Wow 🤩 well done- wish I could do something like this but am rubbish at DIY. Very impressed and so much nicer !

godmum56 · 22/08/2025 12:35

autumn1610 · 22/08/2025 12:32

it looks so much better than it did well done. I would have gone with a different darker colour on the cabinets as I think it would hide a few more sins and just have an impact but don’t listen to your husband if he cba to put any effort in then he can’t complain

the problem with darker colours is they do make the kitchen darker (bitter experience)

Pivotpivoooot · 22/08/2025 12:34

Wow you've done a great job. The people that don't help are always the biggest critics.

godmum56 · 22/08/2025 12:34

Eddielizzard · 22/08/2025 11:59

Can you ask FIL yourself? Do you have that kind of relationship? I bet he'd be a great asset and with luck, teach you a load of DIY.

this. Is your husbands problem that your fil will think he's a lazy useless so and so?

Nameychangington · 22/08/2025 12:33

Keep the kitchen, replace the husband!

Going on your updates, this. A man who sulks because he can't afford what he wants, who played brinkmanship with your last house to get his own way, denigrates your efforts to make the house better and refuses to help or let others help you, and worst of all lies to you that he wants another child when he doesn't?

You can do better.

greasyhairedwoman · 22/08/2025 12:32

I really like the new floor - much nicer than Lino IMO - it looks brilliant!

autumn1610 · 22/08/2025 12:32

it looks so much better than it did well done. I would have gone with a different darker colour on the cabinets as I think it would hide a few more sins and just have an impact but don’t listen to your husband if he cba to put any effort in then he can’t complain

godmum56 · 22/08/2025 12:31

gamerchick · 22/08/2025 11:16

Eh? It looks mint OP. Do you want to come and do mine? Grin

The problem here is your husband and his whining.

Sit him down, tell him his comments are getting you down and he either needs to step up and help or shut the fuck up. Tell him to come up with a financially working plan to get stuff up to scratch or to shut the fuck up about it.

You're going to need to be really harsh with him I think.

this totally. Come and do mine please? And more seriously can I ask what paint you used?

AngryBookworm · 22/08/2025 12:30

This looks so much better! Well done OP. Honestly, your DH needs to wind his neck in. He could have got involved and had an input aesthetically but he chose not to.

He needs to realise that whether he felt backed into a corner buying the house or not, he's a grown man and needs to take responsibility for his decisions. This is where you live and well done you for making the best of it! Also, a bit of perspective for him - not having a new kitchen is not exactly having to live in a hovel. Certainly what you've done now is great and an improvement - you should feel proud of yourself whenever you look at it!

Grammarnut · 22/08/2025 12:30

Well, from photos it looked ok to start with (of course, I can't see the chips etc and I come from a generation that doesn't obsess about new kitchens) and the after looks much better and nicer. Your DH wants to learn to appreciate you more, you have done a very good job.

spiderlight · 22/08/2025 12:29

That's such a difference - well done! It looks loads better.

Umidontknow · 22/08/2025 12:29

It looks a million times better! It looks a nice functional kitchen now. The people around you sound problematic though to be honest. Your husband can not like the house, but still support his wife. And doing a house up goes a long way towards making it yours and liking it.

Chipsahoy · 22/08/2025 12:28

God with family like that who needs enemies. You’ve done a fantastic job. Honestly. Truly.
We are doing a self Reno and we did the kitchen on a budget a few years ago. There is nothing wrong with doing that.
Be proud of yourself.

WookieWoo · 22/08/2025 12:28

OP, your 'D'H, MIL, friend etc have all sowed that horrible seed of doubt but not one of them have achieved what you have to achieved.

It looks bloody brilliant and so much nicer than before. It may not be perfect, but so what? I can't stand the expectation that DIY should be perfect (don't get me started on people on Insta who strip all the paint of their woodwork. Who has time for that?!).

I think a new blind will finish it all off perfectly and nothing more needs to be done. Great work 💪

Climbingrosexx · 22/08/2025 12:27

You have done a lovely job and I love original features like the floor tiles, I would definitely not cover them

Squirrelsnut · 22/08/2025 12:26

You've done an amazing job - well done!
100% your DH feels somehow diminished by the fact you tackled a major DIY project successfully.

Alltheyellowbirds · 22/08/2025 12:26

Malahala · 22/08/2025 11:51

This is probably the heart of it. He said yes to this house because he felt he couldn’t say no.
With our previous house, he backed out on the day of exchange because he felt it was too much work and we ended up buying the house he wanted instead - I didn’t like the house, we bought it fully done up from a developer as it was what DH wanted. But I got over the fact that it wasn’t my first choice and we were there for 7 years. We ended up losing money when we sold it because it’s hard to make anything on done up houses. He also agreed to the house because around that time he finally admitted after leading me on for several years that he didn’t want a second child which absolutely devastated me. So yeah, he probably owed me one!

So basically he only likes new builds with brand new fixtures and fittings, and there is nothing you could have done in the kitchen that he would praise because he’s sulking. Sod him. You lived in a new house last time that you didn’t like, now it’s his turn not to get his first choice. He needs to grow up and not be such an entitled dick! You’ve honestly done such a lovely job of the kitchen, and it will be even better when you’ve cleaned and polished those beautiful quarry tiles.

And def pull in FIL’s help for the finishing touches, I’m sure he’d love to help you straighten the doors and hang curtain and lights. It will be a nice bonding thing fur the two of you, and if DH feels left out all the better. He should have been helping you all along.

You are going to love living in this kitchen. It’s warm and inviting and it has character. Plus it reflects all the love and labour you’ve poured into it - you don’t get that in a new one.

Renoonabudget · 22/08/2025 12:25

OP I'm in exactly the same situation! Bought the dream house fixer upper, but with little budget to fixer up properly yet! You've done a brilliant job, well done! I can't believe your husband is being such a bastard about it, he hasn't done anything, you can't afford to have it fully ripped out and redone yet, so you've done a bloody brilliant job with the resources you have!

Its not a polished turd at all! It looks like its a lovely kitchen that will suit your needs for years to come. He should be getting you a massive bunch of flowers and arranging a lavish meal out with all the money you've saved and work you've done to make your house a lovely space. Xx

Sending solidarity, (I'm currently pulling the carpet out of the downstairs loo and laying some laminate flooring) 😅

InfoSecInTheCity · 22/08/2025 12:24

Right, as a really easy and cheap window treatment, you could get a push to fit/tension rod, they come in pretty much all colours at Dunelm or The Range and fit it wall to wall ver the top of the window. Then a short ‘cafe’ length tab top curtain running across the top half of the window. You can hem it with a sewing machine or if sewing isn’t your thing with iron on hemming web.

I think it looks much much better, I’m just a big fan of colour and think injecting a small pop of colour around the window or in accessories like the Toaster or hand towel would look fantastic.

tealandteal · 22/08/2025 12:24

I think it looks amazing- the worktop especially! If I was being super critical I would put up a blind or something to make the window look more “finished”. Is that a mat on the floor by the sink?

Bewareofstepfords · 22/08/2025 12:23

AyeDeadOn · 22/08/2025 11:10

Omg that's an amazing improvement! Well done. Your husband is a tit and doesnt deserve you.

Yeah, it seems that too many men are still punching well above their weights even in the younger generations - which is disappointing.

onetrickrockingpony · 22/08/2025 12:22

Firstly, OP you’ve done an amazing job. Just need to clean up those tiles and sort a blind out.

I really think your DH and FIL are being truly awful here. Somehow DH seems not to be accepting that he can’t afford a new kitchen or the professional work and so is refusing to appreciate the immense amount of work that you’ve done.

I’m also dismayed to read that your DH would rather not get your FiL involved in case he criticises your work. Is he potentially avoiding criticisms of “why is your wife doing all of this and you have done nothing”.

What is your relationship with FIL like? Within a family I am surprised he’s not wanting to help, would not be delighted to lend you his drill, or generally would not be open to spending an afternoon with you with tea and cake refreshments sorting out the cupboard doors and giving you tips. But, based upon your description of your husband, I suspect that if you reached out directly that this would go down badly with your husband. And that’s a real shame because these kinds of home tasks do wonders for family relationships.

You’re making your family home nice, for the benefit of your family, within reasonable and understandable restrictions. It’s really sad that you’re not getting more support.

Hiphopahip · 22/08/2025 12:22

Can I just say, it's really nice to see a genuine DIY job with the real finishes by someone who really does have to consider every aspect of the budget, like what you've said about new blinds and paying someone to fit new lights, etc.

I am also living in a major do-er upper so my reels are filled with people's "DIY" projects which actually make you feel so deflated because they look perfect and honestly, it's just not realistic. The cost of EVERYTHING is so much, even just getting someone to change a light fitting or rehang cupboards is not cheap.

You're restyled kitchen looks lovely and I'd be really chuffed if I'd achieved that myself.