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To feel deflated about DIY kitchen makeover

664 replies

Malahala · 22/08/2025 11:06

We moved into our house almost a year ago. It hadn’t been updated in 40 years, but it’s in a great area, between two outstanding schools, and we managed to get it for £200k less than asking as the seller needed a quick sale. It’s a 4-bed with 2 bathrooms, 2 receptions, a separate kitchen and a utility room. It’s a fantastic investment and I still feel lucky to own it.

The reality is we maxed ourselves out buying it, so there’s no money left for big renovations or an extension. My DH doesn’t like the house — he would have preferred a “done” house — but we couldn’t afford that in this area and didn’t want to move elsewhere. His attitude is that everything should be done by professionals, but we can’t afford that either.

So over the past year I’ve been doing most of the work myself: stripping wallpaper, painting, redecorating etc. Recently I tackled the 40-year-old kitchen. We can’t afford new units, so I added panelling to the cupboard doors and painted them, replaced the cabinet handles, removed the lino as it was damaged, stripped wallpaper, painted the walls and the orange tiles, covered the worst tiles with panelling, and wrapped the worktops in vinyl. It’s not perfect — some of the cupboards don’t hang completely straight and need adjusting — but the difference is huge. Instead of a 40-year-old kitchen, it now looks more like a 10-year-old one.

The problem is DH doesn’t appreciate it. He still says the kitchen looks “old” and can’t see the point of me spending a few hundred pounds making it nicer. He hasn’t lifted a finger to help because he doesn’t do DIY, won’t ask FIL (apparently he will be critical because the panelling on the cabinets isn’t quite right) or his builder friend (friend will likely be “too busy”), so it’s all been left to me. His view is we need a new kitchen/extension, but realistically that’s not happening for at least 5 years. I’d rather make it more liveable now.

What’s making me doubt myself is other people’s reactions. A wealthy friend came round and just said, “so much change!” but not that it looked nice. MIL commented on how hard I’d worked rather than how good it looked. My mum loved it and thought a new tap, sink and dishwasher would make a big difference (and she went straight out and bought all of these for me) but she’s also my mum so not that objective. Now I’m worrying I’ve just “polished a turd” and made the kitchen worse, whereas I genuinely feel it’s a big improvement.

Here are the before and (nearly) after photos. They may take a while to load. Be brutally honest — have I done a decent job for a DIY upgrade, or does it look as bad as DH, friend and MIL seem to think? I’m worried I’m embarrassing myself by being so pleased with my efforts.

YABU - I agree with your DH, friend and MIL
YANBU - It looks nice!

To feel deflated about DIY kitchen makeover
To feel deflated about DIY kitchen makeover
OP posts:
Thread gallery
9
dietstartstmoz · 22/08/2025 16:26

It looks fabulous and your DH can obviously see that. Does he just not want to give you the credit?

We desperately need a new kitchen too. You have done a fabulous make over.

Libertysparkle · 22/08/2025 16:23

I think it's fantastic. I hope you feel happy when you walk into it. An amazing job!

RosenWilloughby · 22/08/2025 16:23

Is this a wind up because the after looks seriously fantastic. Are they jealous of your ability and is your DH ashamed he had no part in the transformation?

ForNoisyCat · 22/08/2025 16:22

Malahala · 22/08/2025 11:06

We moved into our house almost a year ago. It hadn’t been updated in 40 years, but it’s in a great area, between two outstanding schools, and we managed to get it for £200k less than asking as the seller needed a quick sale. It’s a 4-bed with 2 bathrooms, 2 receptions, a separate kitchen and a utility room. It’s a fantastic investment and I still feel lucky to own it.

The reality is we maxed ourselves out buying it, so there’s no money left for big renovations or an extension. My DH doesn’t like the house — he would have preferred a “done” house — but we couldn’t afford that in this area and didn’t want to move elsewhere. His attitude is that everything should be done by professionals, but we can’t afford that either.

So over the past year I’ve been doing most of the work myself: stripping wallpaper, painting, redecorating etc. Recently I tackled the 40-year-old kitchen. We can’t afford new units, so I added panelling to the cupboard doors and painted them, replaced the cabinet handles, removed the lino as it was damaged, stripped wallpaper, painted the walls and the orange tiles, covered the worst tiles with panelling, and wrapped the worktops in vinyl. It’s not perfect — some of the cupboards don’t hang completely straight and need adjusting — but the difference is huge. Instead of a 40-year-old kitchen, it now looks more like a 10-year-old one.

The problem is DH doesn’t appreciate it. He still says the kitchen looks “old” and can’t see the point of me spending a few hundred pounds making it nicer. He hasn’t lifted a finger to help because he doesn’t do DIY, won’t ask FIL (apparently he will be critical because the panelling on the cabinets isn’t quite right) or his builder friend (friend will likely be “too busy”), so it’s all been left to me. His view is we need a new kitchen/extension, but realistically that’s not happening for at least 5 years. I’d rather make it more liveable now.

What’s making me doubt myself is other people’s reactions. A wealthy friend came round and just said, “so much change!” but not that it looked nice. MIL commented on how hard I’d worked rather than how good it looked. My mum loved it and thought a new tap, sink and dishwasher would make a big difference (and she went straight out and bought all of these for me) but she’s also my mum so not that objective. Now I’m worrying I’ve just “polished a turd” and made the kitchen worse, whereas I genuinely feel it’s a big improvement.

Here are the before and (nearly) after photos. They may take a while to load. Be brutally honest — have I done a decent job for a DIY upgrade, or does it look as bad as DH, friend and MIL seem to think? I’m worried I’m embarrassing myself by being so pleased with my efforts.

YABU - I agree with your DH, friend and MIL
YANBU - It looks nice!

I think you e done an amazing job!! Your ‘new kitchen’ looks clean and inviting. I too have a 40 year old kitchen and it won’t be upgraded properly for 5+ years - I was wondering how to tackle it. Your post is an inspiration to me, so thank you 🙏

notomato · 22/08/2025 16:21

Honestly, it looks great. So much better than the before photo. Hanging cupboard doors straight is a pain and I hate doing it but it's not that hard, ask someone if they can show you (if you've got a local hardware shop, they might be happy to chat with you about it) or have a look on YouTube for some "how to" videos.

Sugargliderwombat · 22/08/2025 16:19

I wonder if your husband feels emasculated that youve done such a great job.

FunnyThing2 · 22/08/2025 16:19

Looks amazing!

EmilieDuChatelet · 22/08/2025 16:18

I think your kitchen make-over looks fab. Can't believe your DH isn't supportive. Does he want to be miserable about the state of the room - is that his angle? Anyway, enjoy your kitchen space.😃

YourTipsyDog · 22/08/2025 16:17

You’ve done a brilliant job, well done! You should be really proud of yourself :)

Chairings · 22/08/2025 16:14

Amazing job.
Your husband sounds like a dim twit.
You lost money on the last house after SEVEN years.....his choice.....you think he'd learn🙄.

You picked up a bargin for £200k less in a fab area.

Location is everything with children.
You sound so resourceful.

Pity about the dud husband holding you back.
I'd get the Ick for such an unappreciative whiney man.

heartsinvisiblefury · 22/08/2025 16:13

It looks amazing!!!

LBFseBrom · 22/08/2025 16:12

I think you've done jolly well, don't know what he is complaining about because it looks nice. It does not look old to me, it's normal. Fashions in decor change frequently, who can keep up with them? I don't think it's worth bothering.

Tell him you had can have it revamped in a few years, when you've both saved a bit of money and that he has no reason to moan, you're not in competition with anyone.

What garnerchic said above.

Londonmummy66 · 22/08/2025 16:11

I think that is impressive. I'd approach FIL directly and explain that you've done what you can but that there are a few things you'd really appreciate his help with. I'm sure he'd be happy to be asked to help. Just bite your tongue if he is critical of the finish at any point and ask for tips on how to do it in future.

You do have a DH problem and I think the only way to deal with that is to sit him down and have a firm talk. Tell him that he needs to cough up or shut up and come up with a plan to raise the money for the extension....

queenofthebongo · 22/08/2025 16:11

I love it. I would maybe seal the gorgeous floor tiles though to deepen the colour and make them easier to clean. Well done!

Alltheyellowbirds · 22/08/2025 16:11

Lifealwaysgetsbetter · 22/08/2025 16:02

It’s tons better. Apart from the flooring? That looks older? But the rest looks so much better! Well done

It’s an old house. It’s the original tiled flooring. I think it’s lovely.

Jackiepumpkinhead · 22/08/2025 16:05

It looks great! That aside, why are people obsessed with putting extensions on already large houses.

Driftingawaynow · 22/08/2025 16:04

It’s lovely, truely you’ve done a really nice job and just smashed his/your own expectations from the sounds of it. What’s with all the aresholes not praising you like they should?
Your story reminds me of when I did a small kitchen diy update in my own kitchen very early days with my ex. he was dismissive and critical. Over time he continued to chip away at my confidence in myself, and slowly it morphed into abuse and coercive control. Keep an eye on that shit and tell your H to grow the fuck up. And mean it.
well done again!

Gingercar · 22/08/2025 16:03

You’ve done a great job. I’d just add a Lino personally. Your husband is a sulky miser.

Lifealwaysgetsbetter · 22/08/2025 16:02

Malahala · 22/08/2025 11:06

We moved into our house almost a year ago. It hadn’t been updated in 40 years, but it’s in a great area, between two outstanding schools, and we managed to get it for £200k less than asking as the seller needed a quick sale. It’s a 4-bed with 2 bathrooms, 2 receptions, a separate kitchen and a utility room. It’s a fantastic investment and I still feel lucky to own it.

The reality is we maxed ourselves out buying it, so there’s no money left for big renovations or an extension. My DH doesn’t like the house — he would have preferred a “done” house — but we couldn’t afford that in this area and didn’t want to move elsewhere. His attitude is that everything should be done by professionals, but we can’t afford that either.

So over the past year I’ve been doing most of the work myself: stripping wallpaper, painting, redecorating etc. Recently I tackled the 40-year-old kitchen. We can’t afford new units, so I added panelling to the cupboard doors and painted them, replaced the cabinet handles, removed the lino as it was damaged, stripped wallpaper, painted the walls and the orange tiles, covered the worst tiles with panelling, and wrapped the worktops in vinyl. It’s not perfect — some of the cupboards don’t hang completely straight and need adjusting — but the difference is huge. Instead of a 40-year-old kitchen, it now looks more like a 10-year-old one.

The problem is DH doesn’t appreciate it. He still says the kitchen looks “old” and can’t see the point of me spending a few hundred pounds making it nicer. He hasn’t lifted a finger to help because he doesn’t do DIY, won’t ask FIL (apparently he will be critical because the panelling on the cabinets isn’t quite right) or his builder friend (friend will likely be “too busy”), so it’s all been left to me. His view is we need a new kitchen/extension, but realistically that’s not happening for at least 5 years. I’d rather make it more liveable now.

What’s making me doubt myself is other people’s reactions. A wealthy friend came round and just said, “so much change!” but not that it looked nice. MIL commented on how hard I’d worked rather than how good it looked. My mum loved it and thought a new tap, sink and dishwasher would make a big difference (and she went straight out and bought all of these for me) but she’s also my mum so not that objective. Now I’m worrying I’ve just “polished a turd” and made the kitchen worse, whereas I genuinely feel it’s a big improvement.

Here are the before and (nearly) after photos. They may take a while to load. Be brutally honest — have I done a decent job for a DIY upgrade, or does it look as bad as DH, friend and MIL seem to think? I’m worried I’m embarrassing myself by being so pleased with my efforts.

YABU - I agree with your DH, friend and MIL
YANBU - It looks nice!

It’s tons better. Apart from the flooring? That looks older? But the rest looks so much better! Well done

BronwenFrideswide · 22/08/2025 15:56

You've done an excellent job, you should be very proud of yourself @Malahala.

Your husband, MIL and 'friend', are so very wrong with their attitude.

Minxny · 22/08/2025 15:55

You've really done your research on paint. That will last and last. Thank you for sharing x

Mt563 · 22/08/2025 15:55

Pop a rug over the tiles, will tone it down and I think line up with your vision potentially

Dragonfly97 · 22/08/2025 15:55

You've done a great job!! Shame on your DH for not pitching in to help!!

Zezet · 22/08/2025 15:54

I think it looks much nicer!

I sympathize with regard to the husband. We are in a similar situation to you in that we bought ugly as that's what we could afford to be in a neighbour we liked (nothing as big as yours now), and we don't have the money to make it nice, and my husband doesn't really see the point in improving it. He lets me and duly says "well done" when I force him to come have a look, but it's very much my show and he doesn't really 'see' the difference.

In our case it took a while to really change the fundamental vibe of the house from "really ugly with a few nice things" to "nice and bright feeling despite all the ugly parts". It's a dozen little projects that all add up in the end. Now I really feel our house is starting to be nice in total. The old-fashioned parts are not so noticeably now, despite still being there.

I think you changed your kitchen from "fundamentally not nice with some nice parts" to "fundamentally nice with some not nice parts". If you do the same in the rest of your house, you might soon find none of the expensive changes are quite as urgent as you thought.

PS: Your husband is behaving like a tool.

Doobeedoobeedoobee · 22/08/2025 15:54

I think that looks FAB!

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