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DP wants a break doesn’t know what he wants

139 replies

boscher · 22/08/2025 11:04

So dp of 20 years has given me the silent treatment since Sunday. He’s been working away, I’ve tried messaging and ringing asking why. He says he has nothing to say to me.

we had an argument Sunday and both said a few harsh words, I did raise my voice. He knows how to get in my head then blames it all on me for shouting.
The argument was no worse than ones we’ve had in the past.

He works long hours, I work part time plus do all childcare and everything in the house. He does nothing except work.
He says I’m miserable and never go near him for sex etc. He never comes near me unless he wants sex that’s the only time. If he does come near me he’s either touching my boobs or between my legs. Never just a kiss or cuddle.
Ive tried to tell him I’m burnt out and touched out from doing everything in the house and for the kids. His answer is that’s why I work part time.

We did have a really good relationship and sex life up until around a year and half ago. I’m going through peri and this has changed me a lot. He doesn’t understand that and just says millions of other women are as well.
Now it does really feel like we are only together for the kids. He’s said the same

So my question is what do I do? He’s said he wants a break. Do I agree to the break see how it goes or do I just say leave it then?

Id be no worse off without him that’s not an issue

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Loubylie · 22/08/2025 17:39

Let him go.
Let him have the kids a fair amount.
You'll be much less stressed without his sulks, bad moods and unwanted groping.
I bet you won't miss him one bit.
Enjoy the rest of your life!

Unicornsandprincesses · 22/08/2025 17:35

Men don’t give up on somebody doing all the running around after them (cleaning, cooking, kids) unless there’s something in it for them…. Eg sex

Unicornsandprincesses · 22/08/2025 17:34

I’ve read a lot of threads exactly like this one over the last 8 years I’ve been on MN.

this seems to be a common feature, it always comes out that there’s been an affair, sex worker or one night stand.

the wife usually gets gaslighted and blamed for the infidelity …

cloudtreecarpet · 22/08/2025 17:22

Taking the kids this weekend to give YOU a break when you aren't the one asking for it is very odd.
As pp.have said, it does seem.like he is trying out what it might be like to have the kids on his own for a weekend before he jumps ship/decides to jump ship.

My question would be - what age were you when you together? Quite young I would guess?
I think when some people hit middle age and realise they haven't played the field much they tend to get itchy feet & want to see what else is out there. Seems to be very common when the kids are young and there is well over a decade ahead until they are grown up.
Could this be the case with your DP?

Luckyingame · 22/08/2025 17:21

If you are not worse off without him, let him fuck off.
He's just a burden in your life.

Easipeelerie · 22/08/2025 17:16

Largely, men don’t say stuff like this unless there’s someone else.
He’s been so horrible to you. He won’t change. In your position, I’d try to detach.

AgathaCristina · 22/08/2025 17:15

boscher · 22/08/2025 12:38

No he rents it out. New tenants are due to move in next weekend.
Im not sure what will happen after this weekend. He’s already had all week away from me with no contact except FaceTiming the children. He’s not spoke to me

are you sure are new tenants and not new girlfriend and him? I really think he is cheating, men only want a break when they have another woman on the line and they want to check if it will go well with her..

DBD1975 · 22/08/2025 16:59

He is away working and you don't think he has time for an affair??????!!!!!!!!

Eviebeans · 22/08/2025 16:53

boscher · 22/08/2025 11:08

I did think is he seeing or speaking to someone else. I don’t think he is though, he’s always been really against cheating and he wouldn’t have no time to have an affair. When he’s not working away he’s with us all the time. He doesn’t go out often, maybe once a month if that

They’re often the ones who are most against affairs until they start having one themself and then they can always find a justification

thatsthatsaidthemayor · 22/08/2025 16:47

Unless you know he is having an affair you do not know he is having an affair. Go non contact for 1 month. Get your head straight. Then see where you both are.

thatsthatsaidthemayor · 22/08/2025 16:47

Unless you know he is having an affair you do not know he is having an affair. Go non contact for 1 month. Get your head straight. Then see where you both are.

thatsthatsaidthemayor · 22/08/2025 16:47

Unless you know he is having an affair you do not know he is having an affair. Go non contact for 1 month. Get your head straight. Then see where you both are.

thatsthatsaidthemayor · 22/08/2025 16:47

Unless you know he is having an affair you do not know he is having an affair. Go non contact for 1 month. Get your head straight. Then see where you both are.

Caroparo52 · 22/08/2025 16:39

Poor little lamb... wants a break does he?
So do you.. so suggest he has kids the 2 weeks he's not "working away"

EmeraldShamrock000 · 22/08/2025 16:28

Let him sulk.
Acting like a prick.
If he wants a partner who is attracted to him, he needs to act like a partner and muck in, lightening the load.
He's a another selfish sex pest.

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 22/08/2025 16:26

I'd he's working away for 2 weeks in a month he us already having a break surely?

BauhausOfEliott · 22/08/2025 16:05

boscher · 22/08/2025 12:06

I do love him still and I do want to be with him. I just want things to be how they used to me and I know we both need to change and work on it for that to happen.

Bu a break he means time to cool off and think about our future and if this is going to work. Not a break to see other people

I do love him still and I do want to be with him. I just want things to be how they used to me and I know we both need to change and work on it for that to happen.

The relationship isn't just you, though. He won't just become (or revert to) what you want him to be - just like you can't just revert to being the person you were 20 years ago.

Wethers121 · 22/08/2025 16:05

Have you considered counselling OP? It sounds like you have issues communicating and a third party could help you work through some of your issues.

I also think some men don’t understand that for women, intimacy has to be built through connection. If we don’t feel connected, we don’t feel in the mood and grabbing like you mentioned will just give you the ick.

wakemeupwhenseptembercomes · 22/08/2025 15:45

DearDenimEagle · 22/08/2025 14:15

‘ I want things to be how they used to be’

How many women say that? I know I did. Stupidly

That won’t happen. That man is gone. He has changed and will not change back. He’s loved you, devalued you and is now discarding you. You need to get your head round that.
If he hasn’t already been with other women, which I doubt, he has one lined up. They usually find someone before dumping the current one.

And mine cried tears for half an hour swearing he’d never cheat, how could I think it, I was the One. He’d been cheating since the day we met, 7 years before, with several and had 3 on the go at the time of the tears. All his work meetings, funerals, business trips involved at least one gf. The louder they shout against cheating, the more they’re telling you what they’ll do.
They are only against you cheating

Sadly l agree - my ex HATED cheaters - absolute scum of the earth! Didn't ulinclude him though - l know of at least 2 other women he was knocking off.

Betheadore · 22/08/2025 15:39

So he works away from home for two weeks a month, doesn't do anything except work and isn't looking to see anyone else.

What exactly will this break entail? What will be different to every other week he's innocently away?

He is lying to you, op.

Dabberlocks · 22/08/2025 15:18

boscher · 22/08/2025 12:47

I’m really not sure. Am I thinking I do want to be with him because he’s saying he doesn’t know? I feel like I need a break as well to have a good think and think is this what I really want. We have been together a long time so is it what I’m used to, is it what I really want. I need to think also

A break is a good idea. While he's away thinking about what he wants, you can decide whether you want him back or not.

Worldgonecrazy · 22/08/2025 15:10

Set your bar higher than a man who is a sex pest, a silver, and doesn’t pull his weight around the house.

You are worth more.

Mischance · 22/08/2025 15:06

Puzzled here. All of a sudden he decides to give YOU a break by taking the children off your hands. What is he playing at?
It is not you who wants a break.

nomas · 22/08/2025 15:04

He sounds awful.

Take him up on the break and tell him to leave.

WallaceinAnderland · 22/08/2025 14:54

You don't need a break from him OP. Why is he sending you away?

Is he going to take the children for a playdate with his 'friend' who also has children do you think? And then will he expect it to be his turn to have next weekend 'off' so that he can visit his friend again?

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