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AIBU?

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AIBU to be fuming at XH

37 replies

Sophiablue95 · 22/08/2025 10:23

XH has just dropped it in that he won’t be having dc1 any of next month as he’s going away travelling and to a stag do (normally has him every weekend). No warning just announcing. He also goes back to his home country for 2 months every year and many other holidays.

I know I’m being U as there is fuck all I can do about it but it just irritates me so much. I am a lone parent to my other dc so don’t have a social life anyways. I don’t know why it’s grated me so much as I’m sure my dc and I will have a great time anyways.

I think I’m definitley jealous though which is my problem. Late twenties but I haven’t been on a night out in 7 years. No money for holidays or babysitters. Meanwhile off he flocks when he pleases. He has hobbies and attends the gym regularly. Things I can’t do.

I wouldn’t have minded if he had requested but it’s just the fact he announces he’s off. Over the holidays, he has had dc1 quite often but it’s always on his terms and he barely gives any notice. Dc1 loves going to his dads so I haven’t stopped it. However I’m thinking now that a CAO may be in order. Not sure it will be much good though as he won’t be made to stick to it.

Apologies for the rant!

OP posts:
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Returnofjude · 22/08/2025 20:18

Hopefully all the party bags are done!

Returnofjude · 22/08/2025 20:18

Sophiablue95 · 22/08/2025 20:17

Bore off. Go and find someone else to harass on a Friday evening.

Heavens
Quite the night for you for drama

Rainbowqueeen · 22/08/2025 20:17

OP I get that it really sucks He’s a shit dad and a shit person.

Id start by accepting that ex is a deadbeat and that this will never change. Expect nothing from him other than maintenance. Don’t accept any of his suggestions - they will just cost you and frustrate you If he thinks it’s a great idea for ds to have a party he can organise and pay for it. You do you.

Build your own village so that when the DC are old enough to be left, you have friends to go out with.

Sophiablue95 · 22/08/2025 20:17

Returnofjude · 22/08/2025 20:16

Sure op

Bore off. Go and find someone else to harass on a Friday evening.

OP posts:
Returnofjude · 22/08/2025 20:16

Sophiablue95 · 22/08/2025 20:06

@Returnofjude He used to work night shift so I used to meet him on my childfree time during the day and if we did have an evening together we used to stay in? What on earth is your problem?

Seeing as you're shitstirring on many threads this evening, go and find someone else to
feed you some attention. 😊

Edited

Sure op

juliette2010 · 22/08/2025 20:13

I had this and I felt it was so unfair. But now mine are grown up I look back and am glad of all the time I had with them when they were little.
it isn’t fair I know!!
but it does pass and just try to focus on yourself not your ex you won’t change them or make them good responsible dads now. Xx

Sophiablue95 · 22/08/2025 20:06

Returnofjude · 22/08/2025 20:02

Clearly you did have a night out in 7 years

In the 3.5 years since you split from ex 1
You met and had a baby and then broke up with someone else

🤷‍♀️ so just pointing out that not a night out in 7 years was a touch hyperbolic!

@Returnofjude He used to work night shift so I used to meet him on my childfree time during the day and if we did have an evening together we used to stay in? What on earth is your problem?

Seeing as you're shitstirring on many threads this evening, go and find someone else to
feed you some attention. 😊

OP posts:
Returnofjude · 22/08/2025 20:02

Clearly you did have a night out in 7 years

In the 3.5 years since you split from ex 1
You met and had a baby and then broke up with someone else

🤷‍♀️ so just pointing out that not a night out in 7 years was a touch hyperbolic!

Returnofjude · 22/08/2025 20:01

oh dear!! 😆

Sophiablue95 · 22/08/2025 20:00

Returnofjude · 22/08/2025 19:47

And you met, married, had a baby and broke up with another chap within that time.

Maybe better you don’t have a night out for a bit op?! How did you manage to meet and date ex 2 if you never had a night out?

Looking back at your comment history, seems you do this on many other peoples posts. So many today already. Are you not working? What a pathetic life you must lead.

OP posts:
Sophiablue95 · 22/08/2025 19:57

Wondered why you were asking so many questions? Are you having fun trying to play Judge Judy? 😊Where have I said I was married to my other dc father?

OP posts:
Returnofjude · 22/08/2025 19:47

Sophiablue95 · 22/08/2025 19:46

3 1/2 years ago.

And you met, married, had a baby and broke up with another chap within that time.

Maybe better you don’t have a night out for a bit op?! How did you manage to meet and date ex 2 if you never had a night out?

Sophiablue95 · 22/08/2025 19:46

Returnofjude · 22/08/2025 19:09

How long ago did you break up?

3 1/2 years ago.

OP posts:
Returnofjude · 22/08/2025 19:09

How long ago did you break up?

Sophiablue95 · 22/08/2025 18:32

Returnofjude · 22/08/2025 18:11

If your eldest is 3
why have t you had a night out in 7 years?!

It was Covid before (I lived abroad in a country where the lockdown rules were really strict). Said country was in ME where nightlife wasn’t very common and I was a cabin crew on overnight flights a lot of the time so going on nights out wasn't really top of my agenda. I looked back yesterday and realised the last time I went out on one was when I was 21! I probably could have but at the time I didn’t really want to. Now I would love a night out.

Yes both dads are foreign haha.

Regarding the party, I had told him it’s unfair to cancel his scheduled contact with ds at his beckon and call and he took the huff and said he wouldn’t be paying for half as we agreed. Then rang up and said he isn’t attending.

OP posts:
Returnofjude · 22/08/2025 18:13

So both dads are from different countries?

sorry I’m confused!

Returnofjude · 22/08/2025 18:12

Why has he suddenly decided not to come to the party tomorrow?

Returnofjude · 22/08/2025 18:11

If your eldest is 3
why have t you had a night out in 7 years?!

Sophiablue95 · 22/08/2025 18:10

Campingisnexttogodliness · 22/08/2025 17:45

Ime you will reap your rewards when dc are older and they had a sound and secure relationship with you..
Df will reap what he sows....
Be patient
.

Thank you! I hope so. He’s a good dad when he’s around but very stingy with money. I just think it’s disgusting he was the one who suggested a party for ds and said he would go halfers. Now he won’t pay anything!

I don’t think he’ll ever change unfortunately.

OP posts:
Sophiablue95 · 22/08/2025 18:08

Returnofjude · 22/08/2025 17:43

Do you trust him when your son is with him? How old is your son? Will he be coming to the party tomorrow?

Edited

Ds is turning 4. I do trust him and have no safeguarding concerns. Ds loves going to his. He said over the phone he isn’t coming tomorrow. I said for Ds sake he should come. Haven’t heard from him since so no clue if he will.

He was also saying he now wants 50/50 custody so he won’t have to pay maintenence. Not sure how he considers that would work seeing as he disappears back to his home country for 2 months every year and his other numerous holidays!

OP posts:
Campingisnexttogodliness · 22/08/2025 17:45

Ime you will reap your rewards when dc are older and they had a sound and secure relationship with you..
Df will reap what he sows....
Be patient
.

Returnofjude · 22/08/2025 17:43

Do you trust him when your son is with him? How old is your son? Will he be coming to the party tomorrow?

Sophiablue95 · 22/08/2025 16:49

Just another vent, he’s messaged today saying he won’t be paying towards our dc birthday party tomorrow (we agreed we would pay half for venue and bouncy castle each and I would cover other costs ).

I’ve already paid and had a gut feeling he wouldn't cough up but this just irritates me more. He seems to have enough money for his holidays and stay dos. Guess nothing can be done and will have to be a lesson for the future.

OP posts:
Sophiablue95 · 22/08/2025 11:08

Returnofjude · 22/08/2025 10:48

Surely one of your friends could babysit for you to go on a night out
or a babysitter once in blue moon?

It will have been my other dc dad. 😅Tbh XH is a good dad in general it just irritates me that he switches plans last minute.

He used to have Dc1 every other weekend but lived 300 miles away so I would travel half way to pick/drop him off. I probably could have went on a night out but I was that tired from the travelling I stayed in. Not his fault I’m a lone parent now I know.

Hopefully my friends or family could babysit once my youngest dc is a little older. He had allergies and is awaiting a consultation due to recurrent tonsillitis which I think is effecting his awful sleeping.

OP posts:
Edenmum2 · 22/08/2025 10:50

MamaElephantMama · 22/08/2025 10:29

Why haven’t you built up a bit of a social life or hobbies when he has them on the weekend? Definitely something to look into when he does have them again.

OP clearly says she has other children

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