The outcome of mum demanding payments each month

Well done op, does it not feel like a "weight off", if it doesn't today, it definitely will in coming months.
Do not give her another penny!!!
Ps
If you live in Scotland you cannot disinherit your children
Good luck in your future xx

Is there a previous thread to read for context please?

She doesn't owe any more money - based on figures provided, all debt is paid and "DM" is basically a lone shark. Well done OP! Regardless of what they do now, DO NOT give any more money. Not a penny. Create your own life.

You have done the right thing.

Take some time to grieve - not for losing the relationship that you actually had, but you need to grieve for the relationship you should have had, and for that hope that somebody she would be a good mum.

Talking it through with a therapist may help. Otherwise there are a lot of people on here who are estranged from family members and you will find a lot of support.

Peace and healing to you.

OP - how you are expected to react to this by your mum (and dad). You are expected to be panicked and wanting to win them back, you are expected to feel like you need them and need the safety net they give. You are expected to beg them to speak to you, to apologise and to continue to give them the money they demand so that you have to borrow again each month and continue their control over you.

Stop. Accept their cutting off, don’t try to win them back. Do not apologise. Dont try to contact them.

What will happen next- when you don’t respond to the silent treatment the way you are supposed to (begging them to forgive you), you’ll get the “flying monkeys”. Family members will be told how terrible you have behaved but not just to cut you off too, they’ll be tasked with contacting you to tell you to apologise and give your mum money she says you owe with no questions. This is how you know it’s a task set by your mum, if she was just “done with you” she’ll tell them not to talk to you, if she’s just playing games and actually really wants contact with you (but on her terms and her in control), she’ll get others (wider family, your dad) to contact you to tell you to apologise.

Stand strong. Save your own money.

Please stop sending her a single penny now, you have paid your debt. She is a bad mother.

Save the money or spend it on some counselling to try and work through the rejection. Focus on your future, your partner and job, build your own family.

I read your previous thread and just wanted to say well done for standing up to your mum. She was almost certainly exploiting you and the debt had been repaid a long time ago.

I am sure it will feel really awful for a while. But with time and distance I think you will come to realise how badly you had been treated and how you are better off without her. If you can afford it, I suggest starting therapy to help you process it all. It will work better now she is out of your life and stop you from falling for any of her new tactics.

Good luck OP. And well done again.

Hopefully now you can also start to build up some savings for yourself so that you have a financial buffer if times are hard and you’re never tempted to ask them for money again.

Well done!

So proud of you!
Take a deep breath, this will all be ok.
Go for a walk and use a bit of that money you're saving to get a coffee/tea/slice of cake and have a moment to be you

Also, won’t you now have more money?

I hope you’re ok. I remember your thread. Your mother is horrible

Sending you a big hug. Your parents have behaved horrendously, selfishly and cruelly. But they are still your parents and of course it's going to hurt when they reject you regardless. You will be grieving no doubt, grieving the relationship you never had and wanted; this is simply more confirmation that they are not the good parents you deserve and can't be there for you.

Give yourself grace and time.

You mentioned counselling was on the cards, my advice is to be completely honest with them and start to process the trauma you have. Can you spend £100 of the money you'd usually give to them on something for yourself?

Well done op

Fwiw I have been no contact with my own mother (who is also a disgrace of a parent) for 8 years now and I am doing just fine

Hi Op, I followed your last thread and wanted to add some words of support. I imagine right now you might feel a bit numb as you try to process this outcome. I’ve found in my own life a few things that I hope might be helpful to share. The first being, that when we grow up with toxic parenting it’s impossible to see it for what it is fully in that moment. It takes time to unpack the reality, as it has taken years and years of manipulation, gaslighting or other forms of emotional abuse for them to attempt their control and harm. Right now you might find yourself questioning whether what your mum is saying is true. It’s not. She will want you to believe it. Especially now she feels her grip of control has loosened. There will be grief, of the mum you never had. The mum you’ll never have in your future, and the sadness as you come to terms with the abuse and loss of a loving mum of the child and now adult you, who deserved so much more. None of this was your fault. Some of us get dealt bad cards with parents. Many of us who are not cut off or decide to walk away in our younger years see this pattern of behaviour attempted towards our own children from said parent. You will be free from that possibility. There is a lot to come to terms with as the full extend and reveal of your experiences with you mum surface. She has treated you appallingly. There is a freedom and a life beyond this. A beautiful life where you no longer hear her abuse, experience her manipulation. You will instead now have the opportunity to live a life where you build your self love, feel proud of who you are and move forward to have healthy, loving relationships. Ironically her cutting you off is the best thing she could ever do for you. And every penny you earn will be a penny towards your own beautiful life. Sadly there will be reasons she became as she did, but these are not for you to fix. I wish you the courage to see this as the opportunity that it is. Not having loving, supportive parents is incredibly hard at any age. But having one like her throughout your life, could risk your whole life experience, decades and decades of it. She ironically offering you a gift. I hope you walk away and start today with your next best step into your future. Find a therapist if you can for 18-25year olds there may be specific services your GP can point you towards or you can find online. You deserve all the happiness in world.

Some people don't deserve to have children. This is not your failing.

Don't send any more money. You do not owe any more than you have already paid.

Your mum's response is classic DARVO abuse (Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender) - in fact, trying to create a positive relationship with your mum is a waste of time, and there is no pill that will fix her, nothing you can say or do to make her behave in a reasonable manner.

You probably need some counselling to help you integrate your understanding that there's no hope of her changing, and that it's not your responsibility to change or fix her and no obligation to have her toxic influence in your life.

Don't give a moment's thought to being disinherited. Their wealth will probably all get spent on care home fees anyway so its no loss.

Well done. Your hurt naturally they're your family. It in the long run its a blessing. I refer yourself for councilling to help you process it all. Crack on and make a life for yourself.

Well done. From your past thread your mum sounds toxic and a narcissistic. It's always incredibly hard to take steps to move away from someone, especially when they're family but I think with time you will start to feel happier and life will feel better.

You’ve paid more than double what you ever owed them!! (Saying this for the benefit of the pps who mustn’t have read your previous thread).
I am sorry this is so hard and I totally get it, but in time you will better off without them and also you’ll have more money! She’ll try and reel you back in as narcissists always do. Be warned!

I’ve got a shit Mum too although yours is on a whole new level.

It’s fine to feel some type of grief for the Mum and love you should have had but this is all totally on her. You've not done anything to deserve this batshit behaviour.

Don’t send her money and don’t answer her. Read up on Fear, Obligation and Guilt and carry on building a contented life away from her abusive drama

Well, they're a waste of money. Stay free, nobody needs such people in their life.

Another supporter of yours here, OP!
Whilst there may be understandable sadness, honestly I think this situation is an improvement on where you have been.
As others have said, please don’t send any more money; you owe her nothing.
Consider this a fresh financial start and continue building a great life for yourself.
You are actually quite an exceptional person & I'm so proud of you!

Sounds like you have more than paid your debt. Stop sending any money. Sounds like they weren't good for you so although it may feel strange going no contact will be good for you. And if they are the ones who have initiated it then it might be easier in a practical sense.

Well done

Well done. You don’t owe her anything, I don’t believe for a second that you haven’t already paid back multiple times what you “borrowed”. She is using money to punish and control you, hence the threat to cut you out of her will. Please stop sending her anything and build your own life without this toxic influence.