The outcome of mum demanding payments each month

In some other countries you are legally not allowed to cut your children off unless they are convicted of a crime. Because as the child, you are the heir of your parents.

It is the patents' legal and moral responsibility to pay for their children's upbringing in every country I've ever heard of.

Your mother has something very wrong with her personality and her moral and legal understandings

Ha, the last gasp of the manipulative parent as they lose their grip on you!

Abusive, toxic people are like drinking poison and dying slowly. They eat you up from the inside out. Make your own life @Lifeisinshambles I speak from a lot of experience.

My husband and I have this on both sides. My husband’s father is a millionaire but no amount of money would keep us in touch with him. I don’t have my family of origin in my life because of childhood abuse. It sucks not to have gotten that happy family at the start of life but I have a fabulous life now. I love my husband, my children, my job, my friends, my hobbies. Life is amazing now once I processed the grief.

She doesn't sound anything like a caring mother. You are honestly well rid although I know you will feel sad as it's natural to hope that she'll suddenly redeem herself and become the person she should be. She won't.
Feel sad, grieve, and move on and put your trust in friends who care about you.
Oh, and definitely don't send her any more money. You don't owe her any more debt, physically and emotionally.
Heartfelt good luck for the future

Your mum is a nasty piece of work. You haven’t said I don’t think, but you absolutely must block her.

I had a mother who kept a ledger on every single thing she spent money on for me. I mean not just every ice cream or holiday but every meal would have the cost plus gas and electricity used. She also was extremely well off (But that was because she never spent anything)
When I got a job she looked up the rate for a 1 bed flat in the extremely high prices area we lived and charged me a weekly rate that was about 30% more than my weekly take home pay. Then asked that I pay for a share of the food bill on top, not that I ate that much when at home. Then she got dramatic and screamed at me for daring to move out to a shit area because it was cheaper than living at home.
I never borrowed money from her because I knew she would look up what interest rate for a loan would be and apply that to every single penny I borrowed.

When I went NC and moved 250 miles away without a job the freedom and the weight I had been carrying around with me my whole life lifted off me.

My own mother made threats about wills but I knew I wasn’t ever in her will in the first place.

She cared more for her family, sisters brothers their children, her father and mother, than she did for me. I know this because she told me so and didn’t see anything wrong with that because it was obvious she would as she had known them longer than me.

She also said that I would be a shit mother. FWIW my now adult children think I am a brilliant mother. I just do everything the exact opposite of what she would do.

There is no pill to fix you BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT BROKEN. You are also not bad, useless, a failure, or whatever spiteful crap they spout.

YOU ARE GREAT. Not perfect, (no one is) but just fine. The fact they cant see that is about them, not you. The more time away from their distortions the more you will be able to see that.

Sorry for the caps, but it is important. Wishing you all the best.

Cross post with your update. You have enough insight and courage to be nothing like her.

2 solid people in your life, that you can rely on, is enough. A wider circle of friends is good. This is a healthy place to be. Your boss is supportive too.

Children don't ruin normal people's lives. Your mother is the problem. You will be a great mum ( which is actually not that hard - just don't be a narcissistic nut job!)

Just want to say you are not a waste of time. The way your parents are treating you is a big problem with them, not you.

I'm so sorry this has happened to you, it is so hurtful.

Keep saving the money. Put it into an ISA or similar and let it build up. A) you then have a financial cushion in the event of an emergency and B) emotionally it will make you feel much more secure in your decision to cut someone so toxic out of your life.
Your partner sounds great. Listen to him and get on and have a long and happy life.

Well done, OP

She is toxic, hateful, spiteful and narcissistic and wants to keep you under her control. Take the opportunity to block her and anyone who supports her on everything. Listen to your partner who has been telling you the same thing.

Now is the time to look at how she's messed with your head, realise you don't want to be like her, you don't want your children to have that kind of relationship with you, and look to have a better, happier life with your family. Then start building on your own circle of healthy people to have in your life.

Good luck.

Yes absolutely agree....don't care who they are...Mother Father Partner or any other family....stand up ...and never be bullied again ...wishing you a peaceful and happy life

Your mum is a greedy nutjob. She was happy to keep her DD in poverty, whilst she has ££ through inheritance and your 400 per month. You've done nothing wrong. As her dependent child she wants pocket money back with interest. Encouraging you to borrow off her for a car! She is a nutjob. And a nasty conniving one at that.

Draw a line under the money. That is over. Repaid (more than) in full.

You are not a waste of time. You don't need any pill to 'fix' you.

They are abusive.

But you are likely damaged from it. You had an instinct that your DM was in the wrong, and you have taken a brave step. I would also suggest counselling, with some of the money you will NOT be paying her. Consider it an investment in you. Google Desiderata.I

Sometime in the future, if you are a parent, you will see clearly, that your mother is abusing you. 100% of Mumsnet aren't wrong.

Have your answer ready for when the flying monkeys show up. "I've paid back x100 per month for x years, having left home as a minor with minimal financial support. The 'support' I did receive became a loan - with no final payment. I reckon I've repaid £££ which is more than i ever received" .
Or keep it simple. " I've repaid £££. I am done".

I’m proud of you OP! She is saying nasty things to try and get you back under her thumb. She might say more nasty things to you as she realises she’s lost her grip and it is worth preparing yourself for that. But you’ve done it, you stood up to her, and I promise you can keep doing it. Well done.

Hi OP, I remember your original thread and was impressed at how you had coped with everything thrown at you. I really hope you manage to break free now.
You know, as others have said, that if you stand strong and don't try to regain her favour she WILL attempt to bring you back into the fold on her terms again via some tactic - please don't fall for it I beg you. If you can, I would take the money she continues to try to exhort from you - you do NOT owe her anything - and put in into some sort of investment vehicle. Every time she tries to manipulate you with withdrawing inheritance (yeah right) or lack of her potential support in a time of crisis (yeah right), you will be able to look at your nest egg and think THAT is my inheritance and safety right there.
And please please please no more money to your mother - when she comes back to you I'd give her a bill for all your costs up to 18 that she should have paid and supported you instead and tell her to pay that off first!

She is a cunt.

Re your second post, it’s an illusion that your mum would have been there to support you if for example your partner left. She would exploit you again as she has already and you will most likely be in a worse place. I am saying this from experience by the way, people who use money to control people will always do that and they will always exploit a crisis.
You need to believe that you will now be in a stronger position if something bad happens because you won’t be drawn back into the control. The chances are that nothing bad will happen, you will become more independent and be able to own and shape your future with the support of a lovely partner and your close friends. Thats actually a strong support network you just can’t see it right now.

I remember your thread and I commented on the time, your mother sounded vile and toxic as hell, making you pay stupid monthly payments for £10 here £5 there wtf does that! And she's loaded right? Disgusting behaviour from a mother. I agree that what most people said about it being a control thing, you've been cut free, absolutely embrace it, that's NOT how a mother should be! If and when you have children you will know how it should be and won't be anything like her!

It's ashame she can't see these threads to see just how many people think she's in the wrong and toxic.

As the mum of a 20 year old. I know how difficult it can be navigating life on here. She is never off the phone needing advice/help with things and as her mum I'm happy to provide that. Please use here to post if you need any help/advice on anything.

You couldn’t rely on your parents even if they hadn’t “cut you off.”

They sounded abusive in your childhood and have continued, by the use of this ‘loan’ amount, to abuse you. Believe me, hard as it would be, you’d be better off on your own, even if you lost your work and boyfriend, than to have any kind of relationship with them.

Nasty, toxic people that don’t deserve to be called parents.

I didn't read your other thread but it does sound like you'll be better off away from them in the long run.

Put your time and energy into your relationship and paying off your debt to them. Make sure you keep a list of how much you've paid off and just don't contact them again.

I think they might have done you a favour by removing themselves from your life.

Do some deep breathing to help steady you.
This is a win.
Take one day at a time.
It is ok to grieve.
These are not good people.
Have you thought of contacting Women's aid for support?

Okay, but don't fall for the illusion of 'security' in your family... there is none there... Even without an abusive background, as we grow, it's natural for us to build our own life and networks, and this happens over years.

Meanwhile, you are a (clearly thoughtful and capable and likeable) adult, and you can look after yourself. You've already done so well from difficult beginnings!

Do some nice things for yourself this holiday weekend! Just little treats - don't need to be expensive - that show that you care about yourself and will always have your own back! ❤️

I remember your original post and was horrified that parents could be that cruel to their own child.
You more then paid back what you ‘owed’ not that most parents would have even dreamed of asking you to pay it back.
It may feel strange at the moment but you should feel so proud of yourself, you don’t need people like that in your life, regardless if they are ‘family’ or not.
Surround yourself with people who care, they will be the family you choose, rather then the hideous ones you were unfortunately born into.