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Original poster

CF asking to borrow money

60 replies

Bridgetjonesheart · 21/08/2025 23:48

So, someone who I knew in passing at school (in same year but barely spoke at school) went on to have a long term relationship with my sibling’s cousin. I can’t say an awful lot more as don’t want to reveal myself but let’s just say this person is someone I wouldn’t even consider an acquaintance. Yes we’ve exchanged pleasantry’s as adults, and have a family member in common but we are by no stretch of the imagination family or friends with each other. Which is why it totally and utterly baffles me that this person has started messaging me sporadically asking me to lend them 30-40 quid here and there. Out of confusion and also genuinely wanting to help, once or twice I have, and have had money returned on time however I find it extremely bizarre that I’m being asked. Of all the people. I’ve said no a few times too. I’m just really confused as we’re virtual strangers as far as I’m concerned. I don’t mind helping someone in need at all, I’m just confused by it and finding it hard to know when to cut and just admit this person is being a CF. What do you think?

OP posts:
EmeraldShamrock000 · 22/08/2025 11:22

They've exhausted every other avenue.
I'd say you are one of many lenders in their life.

WallaceinAnderland · 22/08/2025 11:20

I’m just really confused as we’re virtual strangers as far as I’m concerned.

I'm confused as to why you're lending money to a virtual stranger. I can understand their motivation, but not yours!

Tablesandchairs23 · 22/08/2025 11:13

Say no and block them. Simples.

GasPanic · 22/08/2025 11:04

This sort of stuff can often be about establishing a pattern of trust.

They borrow small amounts and pay them back. Then they ask for a larger amount. Because they have always paid back before, you lend them the larger amount assuming they will pay it back. And then they don't pay it back.

Cinaferna · 22/08/2025 11:03

Some people are chancers. There's a woman around the corner from me who used to knock on my door and ask for a tenner, then twenty. She seemed to think the world owed her cash. She had two children at DC's school so I used to give her the money. When I started working at a food bank I let them know about her and we dropped off groceries for her family once a week and she stopped asking me for money. I felt sorry for her but also astonished at her assumption that other people had ready cash to hand to virtual strangers. At least she never made a pretence of borrowing. It was definitely begging.

opencecilgee · 22/08/2025 10:58

Vaxtable · 22/08/2025 00:28

surely your siblings cousin is also your cousin?

Not surely. They’re obviously half siblings

Piffle11 · 22/08/2025 10:23

There is definitely the possibility that they have exhausted their closer options.

There is also the possibility that they are thinking that as you and they are not in each other’s lives, you will be easier to ignore when you are trying to get your larger loan back in the future.

Ohnobackagain · 22/08/2025 10:02

@Bridgetjonesheart what @AintNoPunshineWhenShesGone said …

PoshDuckQuarkQuark · 22/08/2025 09:27

They're not being a CF. They asked to borrow money before and you said yes, so they just keep asking.

Some people are hopeless at living within their means.

Just say no and don't lend again. Perhaps offer to help them manage their finances if you feel bad for saying no and want to help? Or just ignore them.

BlueMum16 · 22/08/2025 09:21

If they are that much of a stranger why would you say Yes the first time.

Stop. Now.

Unless you're happy to lend money to strangers.

MrsMoastyToasty · 22/08/2025 09:21

Respond with "I'm not a bank."

ZenNudist · 22/08/2025 09:19

Siblings cousin?

Original poster
Bridgetjonesheart · 22/08/2025 09:18

@Dunnocantthinkofone fair comment.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bridgetjonesheart · 22/08/2025 09:18

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 22/08/2025 00:34

I think they've paid it back in small amounts but the day will come when they ask for more and delay paying it back.

It's like feeding a cat that comes into your garden.. It's going to keep returning for more. But it isn't your cat and you have no obligations to lend them anything.

Unless this person is in desperate straights, they will be building a fiancial relationsip with you every time they borrow. It will be harder each time to say no. Tell them to ask your mutual relative.

Thank you xx

OP posts:
fthisfthatfeverything · 22/08/2025 09:17

If you feed a stray cat, it keeps coming back!

Original poster
Bridgetjonesheart · 22/08/2025 09:16

BaronessBomburst · 22/08/2025 00:22

They're asking you as they've exhausted all the closer options.

This. I suspected as much.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bridgetjonesheart · 22/08/2025 09:15

Vaxtable · 22/08/2025 00:28

surely your siblings cousin is also your cousin?

Not necessarily. Often people may have a different father to their sibling from the same mother. It’s not unusual here is 2025.

OP posts:
tripleginandtonic · 22/08/2025 09:06

BaronessBomburst · 22/08/2025 00:22

They're asking you as they've exhausted all the closer options.

This. As long as they pay ot back and it's relatively small amounts I can't see an issue or any CF.

HeronPond · 22/08/2025 09:05

It’s not clear why you’re confused. You have proven to this person you’re an easy mark. Of course they’ll keep asking!

Dunnocantthinkofone · 22/08/2025 09:02

They keep asking you because you’ve proved to be an easy mark.
Quite why you felt the need to say yes to a CF chanced you barely knew is beyond me. I think you need take work hard in your boundaries because you are the one who created this problem by saying yes the first time. Time to say no and mean it - forever!

FinallyMovingHouse · 22/08/2025 08:56

They ask everyone and the ones who send money are asked again, it's that simple. You need to be straight and say you won't be giving/lending money any more and to stop asking.

Cherrysoup · 22/08/2025 08:51

Easy to stop given you’ve previously said no. Either do as a pp says and say you have a new rule, no lending or say no consistently until they stop asking you.

MamaElephantMama · 22/08/2025 08:47

I would be blunt and tell them to stop asking and then block. Offer money once and unfortunately some people think that means it can be a constant deal.

PInkyStarfish · 22/08/2025 08:44

Just block them.

I find it more bizarre that after describing this person as someone you barely know that you also admit to having leant them money previously.

healthybychristmas · 22/08/2025 07:09

They asked you because absolutely nobody else would lend it to them. They repaid you because they needed to keep you on side for another loan later. You need to stop lending them money because sooner or later you won't get it back.