To be shocked women still try to stop aging?

What unpleasant posts, @jillyiam. Ironically your own misogyny shines through, along with what sounds remarkably like jealousy towards women who don't have the same desire for a facelift that seems to be eating you up.

When I had a baby a few years ago I never bounced back. I am mid-40s and look much older. I would like to look less haggard if possible but I don’t know where I would start.

This is so weird and stupid. It's not political. For the most part people don't want to die. They don't want to move to old age where they are less able and more vulnerable to illness and injury, where their odds of dying in the coming decade increase significantly. And how we look is part of the ageing process. If the person we see in the mirror looks younger, we'll feel younger and feeling younger can be part of having a lower biological age. Because age isn't strictly about how old you are, obviously you have the age you are based on when you were born, but biological age is also real and it's malleable.

I'm late forties, people tend to assume I'm early thirties, part of which is genetics but a larger part of which is my fitness level and biological age. I specifically keep myself aware of what kind of cardiac, strength and mobility a very fit woman in her twenties would have and I work to keep myself there. There are people who pass their hundredth birthdays with fitness levels people a third of their age don't have, and we should all be following their examples for as long as is possible. We don't have control over every aspect of our ageing and our health, but that doesn't mean that we shouldn't put in the work where we can. Because ageing and death are inevitable, but early, sustained decline isn't.

I am not ashamed of being my age and have never lied about it if someone asks (I’m 53). I also have never had botox or fillers nor would I have a face lift. I personally have a philosophy that one can never look ‘young’ again, you can look older or weird because you messed with your face too much. So I choose older. Having said all that, I think women can look beautiful in their age. I take care of my skin, wear makeup, get facials, color my hair and workout regularly. I love my longish hair and buying beautiful clothes. There is a difference between aging well and slavishly trying to look younger. I want to age well. I see a lot of women my age who appear to have given up on their appearance, loke oh I’m not a hot 20 year old anymore so why bother. I think how you look can affect how you feel, and I refuse to go around with dull grey ‘sensible’ hair, practical clothing, and no make up because that’s what older women ‘should’ do.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with having things done to make yourself feel better and I agree that nobody should be judging anyone else. My response was on reply to the poster who was saying that anyone saying they are growing old gracefully is basically lying because we're obviously going to be dyeing our hair and using lots of products. My reply was to say that actually people do exist who don't feel the need to do all that and that alot of people would probably be happier if they didn't feel the pressure to look young

I think some people would be surprised at who has these procedures. I get minimum dose Botox every 12-18 months and I go to an upmarket cosmetic clinic. A couple of the receptionists have that overdone Botox/fillers/extensions look that we all know, but in the 5 years I've been going, I've never seen anyone in the waiting room who looked like that. We are all very boring and ordinary looking people. Occasionally there's someone who has severe acne or something so I would make a guess that that's what they're having done (although I don't know, of course), but for the most part it's just very normal looking people like me that you wouldn't look twice at on the street. Surprisingly high number of men, too. The clinic offers a lot of procedures, but statistically, Botox is by far the most popular so I'd guess that's what most people were there for.

I totally expected people to notice my Botox as my 11s were very deep but nobody did, not even my husband or my mother (although I told them later). I think people just thought I looked a bit happier and less tired, which was the plan. I don't look younger, I didn't intend to look younger, I just look like me without a permanent scowl.

Let people do what they want it makes them happy.
And tbh all this neddle jabbing just makes them look older.
I dont do any of it i have a good moisturiser and chap stick no makeup.
I dont look my age either.
But its peoples choice.
If women loved themselves more they wouldn't need work done.
Being negative and moaning hating and being a bitch to others will eventually age anyone.
Stop being living like a miserable cow and laugh abit more makes a difference.
Look in the mirror and love whos looking back at you.

I don't want to name the poor girl but there is a great young actress who is only 21 who could be double her age in some pictures and on the red carpet especially. Brow lift, filler, botox- she has erased all the youth from her face.

Perhaps the better starter questions are "Why are older women treated with dismissal, contempt and distain? Why are there special names for us, like old hag/crone? Why do we tell each other that only youth is attractive? Why do we create and perpetuate negative stereotypes for our older selves?" Because when we answer these questions and challenge these attitudes, then your question would likely be superfluous.

Maybe having things done makes women feel better. What's wrong with taking care how you look. Theres nothing wrong with doing nothing to your face or going grey. What's not liberating is womtn judging other women for what they do. Each to their own

My DM always looked 10 years younger than her actual age. She wasn't a health nut and was a bit overweight and smoked for a lot of her life. It was mostly her attitude and joie de vivre, and she was healthy until the last few months of her life. My DF had a resting grumpy face which made him look older. Though he was always a fit man and he had absolutely lovely skin, he would have looked younger had he smiled a bit more!

I agree. While reiterating that I believe it’s totally the right of women to do whatever they want with their faces/bodies, if you look at the women entering Love Island for example they often look far older than their years due to the fillers etc. I wonder if that’s the aim?

Well aren’t you a delight.

It's a bizarre comment because it implies everyone is having these things done when it's estimated 1-7% of women are having these procedures.
The strange thing is I know more men than women who are getting it done and it's pretty extreme.

The women in their 20s who have it, often look older I think. Maybe that is what they want? It seems an odd move for young women.

My 80 -yr -old mum does look 65. She"s very slim, fit and smiley. Wears almost no makeup.

I, on the other hand, look every year of my age!

I'm 39 and have an energetic toddler and it shows in my face. I've also got about 40% grey hair whilst the natural colour is very dark brown. So it's very noticeable. I personally wouldn't have Botox/ fillers etc even if I could afford it. And I also don't do anything special for skincare or dye my hair. I think a large part of the problem is that women care way too much what other people think of them, especially regarding appearance. It's very liberating to be able to just be exactly who you are and not give one flying fuck about anyones opinion on it. Women would be far happier if they could just have that attitude 😁

The futility of it is sort of touching. I have never seen anyone who genuinely does look significantly younger than their years except occasionally among the elderly- you sometimes see an 80 year old who passes for someone in their 60s. But a lot of that is about their posture and mobility.

Someone in their 20s who is already on the botox/filler train invariably looks older, though.

I've never ruled anything out, but at 20 I thought I'd wait and see how I feel at 50. At 50 I still don't want anything done, if anything I'm only more confident in my appearance and in every aspect of life, and don't worry about half the things I did at 20. And I certainly don't want a duck face. I've never had big lips and it would look so weird. You may as well have "chav" tattooed on your forehead at the same time. It looks shit.

I want to look my best for the age I am.
I dont want to look forever youthful however if I get masses of sagging skin or very heavy eye bags or lids then I wouldnt hesitate

I love that line in SATC where Samatha says to some woman in Saks offering a facelift in a jar

"this is my face. deal with it."

I don't love the programme and think it has loads of hypocritical parts, but I do love that scene and wish women would collectively channel more of that.

And yessss, I'm sure there are a bunch of special snowflakes here who always resisted. Gold star for you. Yet, there is a whole industry built on this so you're just outliers (but good job!!!!!!)

That's a hideous comment to make about naturally aging women OP.
They are definitely not snowflakes, given the societal pressures and now comments like yours, they are subjected to.

I understand what she said but 30 years is a really short time for something that is still a minority to become "everyone". It implied she thinks it's way more common than it is. 30 years ago was 1995, beauty standards haven't changed to such an extreme extent in that time, and nor will they in 2055.

The op as well seems to think that any woman who doesn't do tweakments is a special snowflake, rather than just...your average woman on the street.

So all I'm saying is...look around at actual ordinary women on the street, not the fashionable ones but the women working in ordinary jobs. The vast majority haven't had anything done.

AFAIC, I'm not trying to look 20 years younger at 50, but neither do I want to look 70 either. I use moisturiser as it makes my skin look and feel better, as in comfortable to be in! And women's skin is much thinner than men's and needs a bit more TLC. I'm happy to look and be my age.

Because ageism is still a thing.

You could equally ask why do black people modify their behaviour around police or in certain social situations in a way white people don't?