Overheard chat about why people don’t progress at work

Excellent advice

Find something you (1) enjoy and (2) are good at, and you'll naturally find the right level / seniority

My current role plays to my strengths and it's different in every way to my previous roles

Excellent advice

Find something you (1) enjoy and (2) are good at, and you'll naturally find the right level / seniority

My current role plays to my strengths and it's different in every way to my previous roles

Can I ask what you mean by this @OchreCrab ? Why wouldn’t anyone test for this?

You just need to find out what kind of questions get asked and what answers they want and be able to remember the answers for the interview.

@OchreCrabthat sounds really tough. Obviously I don’t know you but could it be that part of it is overthinking what you’re going to say and how to say it and the blankness is partly panic? The more you try to control it and second guess yourself the trickier it becomes one’s? Even if there was a physiological reason or particular cause of your speaking issues the problem has now become, at least in part, psychological (even though it doesn’t feel that way). I agree with @TryingAgainAgainAgain the experience is likely to be different as an adult and no doubt SLT has moved on as well and developed new ways of understanding and treating problems.

I just wonder if a speech therapist who understands psycho-physiological disorders and understands how to treat anxiety might be helpful? Like this person, a senior SLT and BABCP accredited CBT therapist. It’s just a thought. I hope you get support with this aspect. https://www.finder.bupa.co.uk/Consultant/view/37265/mrs_jane_coley

What is your degree in @OchreCrab

Speech and Language Therapist.

Your brain is clearly not empty. You need to understand how to formulate your thoughts and structure your conversations.

Every Monday someone will ask you how your weekend was. Learn an answer or plan one be for you go in.

’How was your weekend - do anything nice?’

’Pretty chill thanks - met some friends for coffee and then spend some time gardening - how was yours?’

It’s small talk - no one is looking for the answer - they’re being polite and making chit chat.

if someone asked how my weekend went I would have to take about five minutes thinking and recalling what I did, what I could say that was interesting, what would make good conversation etc…. Can that be taught? If I had to plan a conversation that’s ok but really life doesn’t work like that

@OchreCrab yes these are the kinds of communication skills many SALTs work on.

My sons are autistic, one non-verbal, one VERY verbal - however even thorough he’s very articulate and knowledgeable his conversational skills need/needed work. His specialist school had a team of therapists who work on social skills and how to have conversations and effective exchanges rather than info-dumping. It can involve playing games, cooperative tasks (like treasure hunts), presenting tasks etc. I’m sure if you tried looking for a SALT specialising in communication skills for adults you would find that helpful.

@XenoBitch i really meant where there opportunities and people want them. I'm also in a position where the job I wouldn't mind has been occupied by someone for 10 years already and I have doubts they'll be going anywhere anytime soon but that goes back to the competence thing. There obviously aren't enough jobs for everyone to keep moving up so supply is a problem but if I really wanted to I could try elsewhere. That's why I said it's like a lottery, right time right place and you can be sitting on a more senior job for 20 years but can't always recreate that.

Or there is no where to progress to. Some jobs are dead end.
Where is the person who cleans your office getting promoted to?

The biggest reason people don't progress is actually being competent, take a look around at how effective many organisations and senior leaders are and how many of the ineffective ones hire people that will have their backs by not suggesting ideas or changing anything for the better or otherwise. It's not far off a lottery although obviously skilling yourself up and finding a role or organisation that will fit with those skills and the above dynamics might get lucky. Or sometimes if you're a man and hang around for long enough or seen as young and energetic enough and like the right football team and buzzwords might be enough

Would you consider speech therapy as an adult? I've worked with SLTs and they are so holistic now, looking at comprehension, expression etc as well as the physical aspects. It would likely be a very different experience to that you had as a child.

@OchreCrabdo you mean you have a speech problem like a stammer? Or do you mean you trip over your words because you’re nervous or you find you can’t remember words? Can you describe what you mean? What sort of therapy are you having?

@OchreCrab what do you mean you don’t speak properly?

I wonder if you would benefit from some CBT for social anxiety @OchreCrab? It sounds like you’re in a bit of a loop where you expect difficulties, are on the lookout for difficulties in the moment and therefore very focussed on yourself trying to prevent errors and feelings of panic. It’s a vicious cycle. You may not be generally socially anxious but the self-consciousness is definitely in that domain.

CBT might help you to recognise which bits of your thinking about your abilities and your verbal communication are unhelpful. It might also help to pinpoint some of the things you do in situations where you are panicked and tripping over your words that feel like helpful behaviours and strategies but are actually keeping the problem going and driving the panic and the worry over your communication. Just a thought. This book is helpful. https://blackwells.co.uk/bookshop/product/9781472120434?gC=5a105e8b&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=20226739100&gbraid=0AAAAADsTpARzdVbyE43oKi1iqeUEg1Zcz&gclid=Cj0KCQjwqqDFBhDhARIsAIHTlkuFO4PtWBDl1MA4hDRbdur5gF0Fdb_iNOc4BZbOmKfUaPHX29btIhUaAvleEALw_wcB

Everyone is rightly commenting on the importance of good communication and I totally agree with this.

However to describe the OP as “barely literate” (as one poster did above) is as offensive as it is inaccurate. She is clearly literate and seeking support.

Comments like that are not helpful as they exaggerate the scale of the challenge and simply contribute to the OP’s crisis of confidence in this respect.

OP ignore this nonsense as it is very clear to me what you’re saying, and I understand that your messages might not be as straightforward as you would hope because you’re not sure of some of these answers yourself.

Strategic communication is about knowing your audience, knowing what you want them to do and choosing the words and messages which will help them to take the action you want them to take.

Not everyone can do that on the spur of the moment, but you can help yourself by considering who you’re more likely to fluff your words with and always have at the back of your mind how you might engage with them the next time you are in that situation. Some role playing (as cringey as it sounds) does help with this.

Likewise, if there is any form of neurodivergence at play here which means that you are prone to waffle, mix up your words or which affects your working memory or processing speed, you might want to consider making your employer aware of this.

To progress, yes the standard school of thought says that you need to be a good communicator. I would maybe challenge that slightly by saying that you need to be a good influencer and this recognises that some folk also need to be supported to communicate in the right way. It doesn’t lessen the value of their contribution or what they have to offer in senior roles.

If you can lead, direct, develop, create, add value and generally offer good skills, you will find your own optimal way of influencing and sometimes that comes from surrounding yourself with great people who ARE great communicators and will help communicate your vision.