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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ruined my life I’m a stupid idiot

307 replies

Nope11 · 21/08/2025 16:40

Been with DH 14 years and the past year or so between us has been hell. I don’t feel loved, cared for, nothing. We sleep together 1/2 times a week. He’s always saying something about my weight. Just needed someone to talk to so I signed up to a dating website. Long story short me and someone ended up exchanging pictures/videos.

I feel utterly sick. I’m a horrible person and I’ll admit to what I did later on. If he leaves me and tells my family so be it. I deserve it.

I sound like I’m self pitying and maybe I am but I feel sick with my actions and will own up

OP posts:
Nope11 · 21/08/2025 19:56

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Princessconsuelabananahammock9 · 21/08/2025 19:55

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Is this really how you think of other women?

I don’t think you need to tell your dh because it will only make him feel awful.

I think you tell him you want a divorce and look into therapy.

Do you have friends around who can support you?

PinkyFlamingo · 21/08/2025 19:55

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That's a horrible thing to say OP. Someone tells you not to cheat and that's what you come up with?

Namechangefordaughterevasion · 21/08/2025 19:55

Nope11 · 21/08/2025 16:47

They are for suicidal thoughts

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And unhappiness.

Jk987 · 21/08/2025 19:54

Why on earth say the Samaritans?
Judgemental, sarcastic Mumsnetters that’s who.
OP appears to have a shitty relationship however she wasn’t unfaithful. Not that it’s right to send sexy pics but she didn’t act on it.

pipthomson · 21/08/2025 19:53

Don’t be too hard on yourself
do you have a confidante I ?have found that being at a low ebb can be a catalyst for change nature abhors a vacuum

Princessconsuelabananahammock9 · 21/08/2025 19:53

Nope11 · 21/08/2025 19:44

Betrayal yes but not cheating

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How is sending naked pics to other men on a dating website not cheating?

ToKittyornottoKitty · 21/08/2025 19:53

Nope11 · 21/08/2025 19:50

Bye then

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Didn’t say I was going anywhere. I said you were being horrible, which was true. What do you even want out of this thread?

Pollqueen · 21/08/2025 19:52

Mrsttcno1 · 21/08/2025 19:44

So you’d not consider it cheating or a huge betrayal of trust if your husband joined a dating site and exchanged photos with other women? Give over🤣

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Depends on the husband and the context. Stop being so bloody sanctimonious and downright nasty

Original poster
Nope11 · 21/08/2025 19:51

Hungrybrood · 21/08/2025 19:50

I actually wasn't, at all. That is genuinely devastating! Although I find it very hard to believe, there could be a child out there on the spectrum who is absolutely incapable of making any connection with anyone and that could be your child. So instead of doubting a stranger on the Internet, I decided to put myself in your shoes and imagine how awful that would be, and I would be devastated. That was my train of thought. No need to call names or be so hostile. Maybe you should take a break from the interest, it really isn't going well for you!

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I have no reason to exaggerate on my son’s condition. If i am wrong then i will apologise

OP posts:
Hungrybrood · 21/08/2025 19:50

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I actually wasn't, at all. That is genuinely devastating! Although I find it very hard to believe, there could be a child out there on the spectrum who is absolutely incapable of making any connection with anyone and that could be your child. So instead of doubting a stranger on the Internet, I decided to put myself in your shoes and imagine how awful that would be, and I would be devastated. That was my train of thought. No need to call names or be so hostile. Maybe you should take a break from the interest, it really isn't going well for you!

Original poster
Nope11 · 21/08/2025 19:50

ToKittyornottoKitty · 21/08/2025 19:49

I think you are wrong and are just being horrible to people now. You even edited it to be more horrible to her. Totally out of order

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Bye then

OP posts:
ToKittyornottoKitty · 21/08/2025 19:49

Nope11 · 21/08/2025 19:48

I’m pretty sure. But also pretty sure they’ll claim innocence too

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I think you are wrong and are just being horrible to people now. You even edited it to be more horrible to her. Totally out of order

Farmerwife2 · 21/08/2025 19:48

Have you got anyone else to talk to about your relationship? I understand what you're going though. Talking to randoms online probably isn't the best idea. Do you have a freind who you can trust?

Pollqueen · 21/08/2025 19:48

There are some really nasty people on this thread

Original poster
Nope11 · 21/08/2025 19:48

ToKittyornottoKitty · 21/08/2025 19:47

Are you sure that poster was being sarcastic and deserved to be called a bitch?? It didn’t sound sarcastic to me

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I’m pretty sure. But also pretty sure they’ll claim innocence too

OP posts:
ToKittyornottoKitty · 21/08/2025 19:47

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Are you sure that poster was being sarcastic and deserved to be called a bitch?? It didn’t sound sarcastic to me

Nope11 · 21/08/2025 19:47

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Phatgurslyms · 21/08/2025 19:47

Nope11 · 21/08/2025 16:47

They are for suicidal thoughts

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You can talk to them about anything.

dudsville · 21/08/2025 19:46

I just want to clarify the voting. I voted yanbu because I was referring to your estimation of your actions. I agree with you that you have made unwise choices. Alongside talking with your husband, I think you need a trusted friend to whom you can run by your ideas.

Mrsttcno1 · 21/08/2025 19:46

Nope11 · 21/08/2025 19:44

Betrayal yes but not cheating

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Of course it’s cheating😂 if you don’t think so then just tell him. You know it’s wrong, you know it’s cheating, that’s why you feel guilty.

Tell the truth and then walk away from the marriage. Nobody should stay in a relationship they aren’t happy in, absolutely, but don’t cheat. If you want to chat then absolutely do that- with a friend, family, or charity service like Samaritans- with your clothes on.

Original poster
Nope11 · 21/08/2025 19:44

Mrsttcno1 · 21/08/2025 19:44

So you’d not consider it cheating or a huge betrayal of trust if your husband joined a dating site and exchanged photos with other women? Give over🤣

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Betrayal yes but not cheating

OP posts:
Mrsttcno1 · 21/08/2025 19:44

Pollqueen · 21/08/2025 19:42

This is exactly my take and said so well. OP, you have nothing to be ashamed of. You have not committed adultery but do sound very unhappy. Is there any way of turning the situation around in your marriage although your DH sounds pretty unpleasant

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So you’d not consider it cheating or a huge betrayal of trust if your husband joined a dating site and exchanged photos with other women? Give over🤣

Nope11 · 21/08/2025 19:43

This reply has been deleted

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Pollqueen · 21/08/2025 19:42

pam290358 · 21/08/2025 17:29

MN never ceases to amaze me. OP posts for support because she’s in a miserable marriage with a borderline abusive spouse and yet again posters seize on one detail and use it to throw shit at the OP. Given the circumstances it’s not surprising she needed someone to talk to and a dating site isn’t the obvious choice for that, but slinging mud and accusing her of cheating isn’t helpful is it ? How about we concentrate on advising her how to find proper support and improve her situation. Or leave. Neither of which are as easy in real life as they are from behind a keyboard.

This is exactly my take and said so well. OP, you have nothing to be ashamed of. You have not committed adultery but do sound very unhappy. Is there any way of turning the situation around in your marriage although your DH sounds pretty unpleasant