Ruined my life I’m a stupid idiot

Do you genuinely want to save your marriage or are you just in a state of remorse/guilt about sending pictures/videos to a stranger on the Internet?
The long and short of it is, you dont genuinely love your husband because if you did, you wouldn't have done this. That's ok but hard to admit to yourself and no amount of guilt will change that.

My advice is that you need to leave and move on with your life, no matter how hard it may seem at the moment. People cheat for a reason. You have a reason. It wasn't right to do what you've done but your marriage is over.
If you decide to stay and work on your marriage you have two choices:

1. Come clean and he will probably leave you anyway. If he doesn't, it will ALWAYS be used against you in every argument forevermore. You could waste years of 'trying' only for the marriage to end anyway.
2. Don't say anything and the guilt will eat you up and destroy you like a cancer, especially if things start to improve in your relationship. There is also the constant fear of being found out at any point years down the line. This will fuck with your conscience if you have any moral fibres left in your body.

If you leave the marriage, if there's a chance you can save your husband from knowing you cheated, at least spare him that detail. He could live the rest of his life without the extra hurt of that detail no matter how shit of a husband he was.

Can’t believe you said all that about what you did (several guys), and then ended by judging OP on the basis that she used a dating website and you only did it on Reddit 😂

I did something similar earlier this year. But it was on Reddit, so not as extreme as joining a dating website, which I have to say wouldn't have crossed my mind.

Conversations about shared hobbies (on hobby subs) led to sexual conversations, which led to me sharing some underwear photos - with several guys. Thank god, I never fully lost my senses and shared any nudes, nor my face.

I was honestly loving the attention. To have people tell me that I had an amazing body, and pay me all of these compliments was really intoxicating. Especially as I have a husband whose stock compliment has always been that I look "lovely" - never anything else and never anything more.

I realised what I was doing was wrong, and swore to delete my Reddit account and never tell DH (and would have 100% got away with it), but had such severe anxiety one day (I suffer from it), the guilt and anxiety made me tell him.

He was furious and hurt, but forgave me after a short while and we moved on. It came at a very difficult time when there was all sorts going on in our life, and I had a massive hormone surge at the same time as feeling a bit depressed about getting older. I own what I did wrong, and I couldn't have forgiven DH so easily if the situation was reversed.

We've made some changes in our marriage - one being I've made clear that I shamelessly want more exotic compliments than being told I look "lovely"!

But joining a dating website, OP. It's literally only got one purpose, what were you thinking?

This is the female version of the script

No it's not. It's a reaction to the script.

you don’t sign up to a dating website because you want someone to talk to

I don't mean any side to this, but if you're feeling shit and your husband is making you feel unwanted, I can see why someone might just want to feel
like someone, anyone, might be attracted to her and have a bit of badinage with a random bloke.

Obviously not ideal or sensible, but not a hanging offence.

I honestly don’t think being part of a loving and faithful marriage is in any way a top trump card- it should be the bare minimum. That’s the whole point.

If OP isn’t happy then absolutely leave, separate, nobody should be in a relationship they aren’t happy in because life really is far too short to be miserable. But this IS cheating, signing up to a dating website, chatting with other people to the point that intimate photos/videos are being exchanged is not acceptable behaviour and it’s a cliche as old as time, if you’re unhappy with the affection/attention your partner gives you then leave and then do whatever you want. Sign up to dating sites, go speed dating, meet people in person, online, absolutely anything and that’s great for you- but end your marriage first.

Why?

The amount of people on this thread bending over nsckwards trying to stick up for the OP despite what's she did is completely laughable Just because she's a woman. Who now tells another woman she's obviously bitter and "not getting any at home"

If you were in a Happy Families set of playing cards you'd be Mrs Smug.

Was there any need to say "stop acting thick"?

the amount of condescending replies saying there are other people to talk to. do none of you get what OP wanted from the person was validation that she was still desirable and someone she could at least emotionally also be available in a way her husband was not. this is not something a chat with friend or family would have fixed

'Not getting much at home?' Yeah, that's what women say to other women, all the time. Especially by women whose dh's think they are too fat - and so console themselves by taking naked photos for a stranger. <Checks calendar> 🤔

There was no physical contact? They probably don’t know each others name! Not saying it’s right but it’s not cheating!

I think it’s best you put your phone down now OP.

This thread clearly isn’t helping you, or providing any support.

You are spending your evening arguing with other posters and having back and forth childish sky digs. This won’t make you feel any better.

You should be spending your evening communicating with your husband. The marriage can’t go on like this. You both seem incredibly unhappy and like you’ve both checked out.

I think we all know they weren’t…

Nah. He’s been bullying her for years. Don’t give him ammo to bully her even more.
the marriage is shit.
OP end it and create a new life.

I honestly feel really sorry for you and how low your bar must be to think someone signing up for a DATING website and sending sexual photos to another person is in any way comparable to smiling at someone on the school run.

When I was lonely I signed up to MN. It's been a godsend over the years. And no naked pics needed.

Thankfully my husband and I are very happy & faithful. Probably because we are adults who are capable of communicating and finding people to chat to without having to take our clothes off eh?

I wouldn't be in that relationship in the first place,

but it's a few photos. I know this is MN, where a man smiling at another woman on the school run or waving at the neighbour is a lowlife individual who needs to be dumped immediately, but I don't live on MN 😂

i don’t think that was the chat OP was looking for. she was not looking for sympathy what she wanted was someone to make her feel valued and validated as if she was desirable something her husband was clearly not doing

I think signing up for a dating website is unfaithful in itself.