Ruined my life I’m a stupid idiot

Leave your husband, then.

What do you mean they aren’t relevant to this situation?

If my DH cheated on me the first thing I would bring up would be my children and if he considered them when ripping our family apart. Give your head a wobble OP.

Leave him, you clearly hate him and don’t want to do anything to address this.

Ok Ill admit Ive not rtf - too many pages and its going to be a lot of posts jumping on you

Which isnt what you need if you are that bad that you are posting on here

Look, you have meddled online, got caught up with the attention and realise now its all bullshit

So its painful and embarrassing and you feel like shite

The worse is that is now making you question what's wrong and right in your real time relationship

This is where you need to focus

You CAN NOT CHANGE how another person thinks, feels , reacts , behaves to you

You can only change your behavior and reaction

If you honestly feel all this came about because of your weight - do something - try healthy eating and learning good habits

If you think its deeper then that, you need to either learn how to talk to your DH or turn to professionals for help to talk

Because communication really is the only way forward

With re: whether OP “cheated” or not…

I think there’s “adultery” and there’s “cheating.” Adultery is having sexual intercourse with someone who is not your committed partner; cheating is doing anything that violates your committed partner’s explicit boundaries.

Like, if your DP is okay with you sending pics to people you met on a dating site, then it’s not cheating if you do it. If s/he is not okay with it… then it’s cheating.

Staying with someone who leaves you feeling completely unloved is how you’ve ruined your life. The affair is a pretty awful way to deal with it, but whether you had the affair or not, your life would not be in a good way.

You could try coming clean to your DH and seeing if you can rebuild your marriage, if you really want to, but I expect it’s too late. Sounds like he’s fallen out of love for you and you for him. I doubt there’s enough good will there to overcome an affair. You’ll most likely get to a good place faster by accepting that your DH is no longer someone you should be in a relationship with. Get some relationship counseling with a view to separating as amicably as possible, split up, and start rebuilding a life you can lead with integrity.

It’s not “double standards” unless you have the same people replying the same things to a man in the exact same situation.

Am I correct in thinking that you sent racy pictures of yourself but your face wasn't showing? It did not progress to in person?

Christ, the double standards on this thread...

I cannot imagine the comments a man would receive if he was the OP... instead, it's just 'never mind, sounds like he deserved it' 🙄

He finds your weight so unattractive he can only bring himself to have sex with you twice a week. A prince among men indeed.

Life ruining? No. But marriage ending? Yep.

I’m incredibly thankful to have been raised by parents who taught us about our worth, the same way I’m raising my children, and I certainly deserve better than for my husband to be signing up to dating websites & exchanging photos and messages with other people. So yes, that would be marriage ending.

Again, that should literally be the bare minimum you expect from your spouse.

It's selfish to tell him just to ease your own guilt. Don't tell him and try to sort out why your marriage isn't working, or tell him and blow up your marriage. Maybe you secretly want that to happen.

Nothing wrong with ending a marriage if you’re unhappy, and you clearly are. But you should have ended it first, before going on dating sites. It’s a bit crap to do it while still in a relationship/marriage.

I feel sorry for you if you think a mistake such a sending a few photos actually ruins your entire life.

How do you manage when you have REAL problems?

It's not great, it's not something to be proud of, but life-changing event? really?

"make"?

This is on the OP. Noone made her do anything.

So in what way do you feel you’re stupid and have ruined your life? You seem very defensive, deny cheating and claim its no big deal where your children are concerned.

urgh.

I’m sorry, you don’t think your children are relevant when you upend your marriage???????

Purposefully playing with fire I'd say.

I wouldn't say you are a stupid idiot. You just want to be loved and there is nothing wrong with that. Your partner must be miserable to make you seek affection from the Internet. He needs to love you properly. Have you done anything else or just the dating app?

Wanking probably

Exchanging videos? Like what?

It was more a "how the hell will you explain this" comment.

Can't imagine why communication is an issue in the OPs house with the level of the replies here...

I want to tell him because of the guilt I feel

Sack off the guilt. He's making you feel shit about yourself. He's the one who should feel guilty.