Ruined my life I’m a stupid idiot

How do they keep out of it? You've put them squarely in the middle of it.
Honestly, I can see you're unhappy and nobody should have to stay in an unhappy marriage.
But joining a dating site etc isn't the way to deal with it.
You need to decide what you want going forward. This isn't about telling your DH because you feel guilty. It's about talking to him about what you want. And if that's a divorce then that's ok but the time to start joining dating sites is after you're split up not before.

I would agree with this

Do you think you’re the only person who’s ever fucked up?
Oh you sweet summer child.
Allow me to introduce you to fuckedupville.
Only idiots are welcome here. ❤️
We’re open all night for your ranting pleasure.
And we know how to keep secrets. 🔒

Everyone on here is so vicious. Imagine someone using you for sex twice a week and then making you feel bad about your body. It's disgusting that your husband has done that after you have had his children. If anything he sounds horrible. I am not saying that you couldn't have approached this better however who is anyone to judge. I'm sorry you feel so low you clearly are feeling unloved and you are dealing with a lot. Parents of children with special needs in my opinion are superheroes because no one will know your struggles unless they have been there. Forgive yourself a moment of wanting some self worth worth years of someone taking it away mentioning your body. I think sadly though this is the end of your relationship but make it on your terms. You don't have to own up but no one should be making you feel so low nevermind your husband who see's what you do everyday and depletes your self worth through comments about your weight. My partner has made me feel sexy at my biggest and at my lowest and is my biggest cheerleader because he's in love with my personality. You should have this. You don't deserve the backlash your getting here at all this is such a vicious site sometimes. Be kind to yourself and put yourself and your children first if that means leaving your husband for your own peace then do so. If it looks like loosing weight for your own happiness and confidence then do so but I will say for someone who has lost weight for a man before the resentment never leaves either or the things said they echo in your brain long after. Don't admit what you did it will be no good for anyone it was a silly thing to do but your husband is probably watching porn so people could debate the ethics of that in a relationship but draw a line under it for a better future for your self and your kids and put your needs and wants first.

This.

You can’t leave him, so you want to force him to leave you.

I had a friend do the same. Really stupid thing to do as this allowed him to hold her bad behaviour over her for the last 15 years and counting while also portraying himself as the wounded party. Would have been so much better if she’d just said what she thought…”you are a selfish, moaning arse of a man, I can do better, so I’m off! There is no one else involved… but now I’m free there soon will be”.
Sadly she lacked the confidence to do this so had to create a mess of her own making for him to solve by kicking her out.
Is this what you are unconsciously doing OP. If so don’t.

Your post reads like you have done this knowing that you will own up and then the marriage will have to end. Like you created a scenario that you know will end your marriage becuase you are so unbearably unhappy and can not for whetever reason discuss it with your husband.
I think you need to own up to yourself that you want out, stand up for what you really want and tell him its over and you want to split up.

I was trapped in a bad marriage thousands of miles from home with a husband who bullied me relentlessly about my weight and then eventually walked out on me. I remained faithful and I wish I hadn't, it would have made no difference in the end and I wasted my best years. Not gonna judge you, OP.

When I eventually started to date again, about 18 months after he left, I met a handful of men who didn't care about my weight and brought me back to life. It really was like having cool water poured down my throat having been dying of thirst for a decade.

The whole experience made me see that sometimes affairs can be psychologically healthy and can save someone's MH, even though they are morally wrong. Maybe I wouldn't have been so devastated by the end of my marriage if I'd had positive attention from elsewhere to balance out the abuse my husband put me through.

He was so awful and I stayed through a misguided sense of duty. Nowadays, I'm not sure I feel very sorry for people who get cheated on because they treated their spouse like absolute crap.

No they're not.

There is plenty of help available for people in your situation. Samaritans,marriage guidance to mention only two. A dating app is not one of them.
Your marriage is in a bad way by the sound of it.. we only have your side of the story. Maybe your husband is also unhappy. A nasty comment though on your weight. Do you have arguments?Better to talk to him before it is too late.

No, not necessarily. Samaritans are for people who need to talk about problems confidentially.

Well you’ve signed up to a dating site and then engaged with someone, you’ve 100% cheated (comments and issues outside of what have happened might be YOUR lead up but it don’t justify the cheating) I’m not saying there’s no way forward but you need to be honest about what you have done, how you’ve recently felt, and if you both want to continue with the marriage how that will look

I accidentally exchanged nudes on OLD when I just wanted to talk is a new one. It’s giving the people who come into a&e saying “I slipped whilst hanging the curtains naked and landed on the remote”.

Firstly, stop making excuses for what you’ve done. If you want to move forward then you need to be honest with yourself about what you’ve done. Secondly, think long and hard if your relationship really is worth trying to salvage. Thirdly, think about why you want to tell him. Is it so you can finally have the kind of honest and open conversation you should have had before sharing your boobs on tinder, or is it just to make yourself feel better because you feel guilty? Lastly. Stop acting like this was all a mistake. It wasn’t a mistake, it was a choice you made.

No they're not

You don’t join a dating site for someone to talk to. You were more likely looking for validation, to feel attractive to someone, and maybe a bit of revenge.

If your bf is shit and mean to you, end tje relationship. You don’t need to talk to him to address concerns - it should be patently obvious to him that you don’t constantly slag your partner off about their weight. It’s just nasty. He wouldn’t be getting within 10 feet of me with that behaviour never mind 1-2 a week.

Seconding what others have said.
If a woman came in here and said they'd found out their DH had done the above, there would be a mob gathered by sundown to burn everything he holds dear.

I think you need to own up and deal with the consequences

Just to be clear I do agree scammer or not OP should not have done what she done.

Even me when I was single wouldn’t have dreamed of sending those kind of pics to some random unidentified person. They could be a minor for all I know. Or a sex offender. Or married etc

I don’t see how it boosts confidence to have some man objectify you and willing to exchange racy pics and videos. It’s sad how many women rely on “male validation” in the form of objectification. That’s how desperate many women are.

I want my partner to want me - not any old man. If my partner doesn’t desire me I would address that but in the meantime, the fix will never be some person that I’ve never even met and could be anyone ogling over my x-rated photos.

Why would you tell him? If you want to end the marriage, you can still do this. If you want to stay in the marriage, have an honest conversation with him and tell him you want and need things to change.

Confessing to what you did will not make you a better person - not that what you've done is so terrible after all. There are things that should remain secret, as telling would not change a thing, or benefit anyone.

Never once encountered a scammer of any nationality that I know on apps.

They’re there no doubt, but wouldn’t say there they are the “main people”, but I have met a lot of married men!

The signs are there and I wish the married people would just stay of dating sites.

op is a perfect case of married folk going on purely for validation and wasting peoples time . It’s why I do not text for long on there. I check if they’re sane as far as I can through some texting or a call but then I used to say if you want to get to know me set up a date.

I’d hardly say OP is getting an easy time here …. How many replies did you have to trawl through to get that one single reply so you could make that point. … like I say… no one on here has exactly gone easy on her. Get a grip.

Well... You've made a mistake. You've admitted it. That's a good start.

I'm not going to judge you as you'll be judging yourself right now.

Humans are flawed and they do stupid things unfortunately.

What you need to do now is shut the account down immediately, block the bloke and concentrate on what's led you to this.

Usual suspects are : unmet needs.
You need to figure out and do some soul searching on what your unmet needs in your marriage are.

Once you've figured them out, you need to work out how to address them, and if they can be addressed.

You could tell your DH everything in a heart to heart. But always bear in mind whether you're telling him to relieve your own guilt. Because that's not the best circumstances to confess in.

Personally, I'd put it all behind you. Vow to never ever do anything like that again and work on what's got you to that point.

Good luck.

have you not read how HE is making op feel with his comments? he is lucky he is getting what he is.

If you read only the OP’s comments, this is an oddly entertaining thread.

Don’t tell him and throw some new moves in the bedroom to shake up