Ruined my life I’m a stupid idiot

Most people would consider sending pictures on a dating app cheating OP.

This marriage sounds miserable, you want him to be different - but he's not is he? If you want someone different then you need to leave him and find someone different. He's not going to suddenly, miraculously become a much nicer person.

Do yourself a favour, don't tell him about this just tell him the marriage isn't working and you want out. That way he can't try to tear you apart further and punish you for what you've done. You need to leave though because this is becoming more and messy.

flame me now but just keep your mouth shut
mud he ask what’s wrong tell him the faults you’ve said here about your relationship

I doubt very much your pictures will surface but if they do cross that bridge when you come to it

you’ve fucked up and as they say your not the first and won’t be the last

Of course it’s cheating!

I really don’t think you need to mention it to your “DH”. He sounds unpleasant so I doubt the response will be “oh gosh, I made you feel horrible and you did something silly in response, I’m sorry”.

Have you sat him down for a very direct chat about how he speaks to you? I’m going to be honest he doesn’t sound like he cares that much anyway. I wouldn’t want to have sex with my husband if he spoke to me like that.

Yes what you did was wrong but none of the feelings that motivated you are going to go away unless he changes or you get rid.

I would consider it cheating if my DH did this with another woman.

It’s a funny justification for cheating, yeah!

Plenty of people you could “talk” to without sending photos of yourself I’m sure!

100% agree with this advice.

What kind of pictures/videos?

You have given your head a wobbled before going into further, so that is a big positive.
OP, he should always care for your health and encourage you to be healthy. But he has failed to show you that he loves and fancies you. That is very important to keep the spark going. Though you should talk to him, not to any other person, specially internet dating.
You both have work to do if you both want to save your marriage.

You felt lonely and in need of validation that you weren't getting at home. I get it. I've been there. Maybe you don't really want to end your relationship, though its not great, so you wanted some attention. Its not ideal, but if you are honest with yourself you want your life to change. So rather than churning yourself into a big guilt ridden heap its time to work out exactly what you need to change and what steps to take to get there. Is honesty with your husband the.way to go? It really may not be.

It's not the same thing though...the ops husband is mentioning her weight to her regularly and it's affecting her self esteem.

Also when men seek out photos like this they usually are doing it for the straightforward sexual thrill. It sounds like the op was attention seeking and looking for validation rather than getting a sexual kick from it.

Well OP if a bloke came on here and said because he didn't feel loved or cared for so signed up to a dating site for someone to talk to and exchange sexy photos with - what do you think most of the responses would be?

Your "Mea Culpa" doesn't hold up. I'm sorry that your marriage is struggling but you KNOW the answer lies in a face to face with dh. All cards on the table, tell him how you feel and listen to how he feels.

Once you have laid bare where you are each at then you can decide what to do.

Sit down with him tonight. Come off that dating site NOW.

So is there any chance what you've done is going to come out op? I wouldn't focus too much on it if not. It was a silly thing to do though.

Focus on your marriage. You're clearly unhappy...either end it or work on it.

😁

I wouldnt be sleeping with someone 1/2 times a week who made negative comments about my body, so your dh is at fault there. But there are plenty of places to talk outside of dating websites. I wonder if really you were seeking connection and to be made to feel good. It's wrong to do it while married of course, but it suggests your relationship was already in a bad place.
If your dh is an arse, which he sounds like, Id be inclined to not tell him about the messages, and split up based on how he has made you feel etc so he cannot paint himself to be the saint in this scenario.

Why do you want to stay in the marriage if it's hell?

Why do you need to tell your husband? Unless you've included your face and your flaps are on show I'd keep quiet.

Are you divorcing? You could start planning for your future, where you'll live, finances etc.
Did you include your face in the photos and videos?

The Samaritans are there if you need to talk about anything OP. I'm not derailing the thread talking about the Samaritans, I'm querying your excuse for joining a dating site.

Putting aside for a moment what you have done...do you actually want to end your marriage op?