Ruined my life I’m a stupid idiot

If it was only photos, you can simply opt out and quit while you’re ahead. Either break up or don’t, but don’t cheat.

Your husband sounds like a dickhead. Why is he moaning about your weight if he’s happy to fuck you twice a week? What a loser.

The question you need to ask yourself, is where do YOU want to go from here? I dont think carrying on as you are is a serious option, is it? I'd also recommend honesty with your husband IF you decide that you want to try and save your marriage. If you don't want to stay with him, keep quiet about it, and get the best lawyer you can afford.

Ok so what do you actually want now? Your marriage to be over? Your husband to change? Is he even capable of that?

Your husband to change? Does some part of you hope he’ll get “jealous” and realise he might lose you and that other men find you attractive and suddenly change?

Given what you say about his behaviour so far, odds are he’ll throw it all in your face and use it as an excuse to keep being horrible to you and you’ll put up with any shit because you’re guilty.

Before you do anything (including dating sites) think about what you actually want and whether he is the man to give it to you, or you’re better off alone.

I mean, plenty of women on mn admit to staying after seeing flirty texts that their husbands are sending

You feel guilty, right enough, it was wrong. Not sure I'd tell my husband 😬😬, you'd be throwing things away over nothing

Controversial I know but figure out what you want, and if its him, dont do it again but find a way to make things work.

If you want out, then be honest about what you did, why you did it and that you want to divorce

Best of luck, op xx

they are for any reason.

Not sure what you want people to say @Nope11 Why have you ruined your life?

This is the female version of the script.

You haven't committed a crime.
You're not happy with your partner. So leaving is best. Just break up with him because you're not happy. It's okay to break up with someone because you're not happy. You don't need any other reason.

It’s not accusing of cheating when she has literally explicitly said herself that she is cheating.

What on earth else would you call signing up to a dating site & then exchanging intimate photos and videos with other people, while married, if not cheating?

If OP just “needed someone to talk to” there were plenty of people & places to look for that that didn’t include dating sites and sexy photos.

I'd keep nice and quiet, get off the dating site. You must speak to your husband about how he treats you. This is the real problem.

go and see your GP.

You swapped a couple of photos, no need for such drama.

Er yes, what else would you call sending photos and videos to other men when you’re married?

and me

MN never ceases to amaze me. OP posts for support because she’s in a miserable marriage with a borderline abusive spouse and yet again posters seize on one detail and use it to throw shit at the OP. Given the circumstances it’s not surprising she needed someone to talk to and a dating site isn’t the obvious choice for that, but slinging mud and accusing her of cheating isn’t helpful is it ? How about we concentrate on advising her how to find proper support and improve her situation. Or leave. Neither of which are as easy in real life as they are from behind a keyboard.

You’ve effectively ended your marriage because your husband is an arse.

I assume he has had plenty of opportunities to shape up and hasn’t bothered? So the end of the marriage won’t be a shock.

Only you know what steps you took to force yourself into action, because let’s face it that’s what’s happening. You were unhappy so you burned a few bridges. Don’t be fannying about trying to go back, move forward with ending your marriage in a courteous way.

Quietly and calmly.

Yeah, it's not something I would accept my husband doing.
Who knows, the videos and photos could be of DIY brickwork or changing a wiper blade.
(Sorry, quoted wrong person!)

either work on your marriage or leave, walk away from online dating and only do that once you've ended your marraige (if thats what you want) otherwise everything else is just grim

I wouldn't tell him.

Well, it’s the first step to divorce, may as well carry on.

What does your H say to you about your weight? How does he treat you? Does he contribute financially/domestically/parentally? Has he ever abused you or cheated on you @Nope11 ?

If a man was making comments about my weight he'd be sleeping on the lawn! Let alone if it was 'Hell'. He sounds awful OP, what you did isn't great but it sounds like you need to leave this relationship anyway, could you make this the push to end things?

Whatever you’ve ‘done’ keep quiet.

No good will accrue to anyone by talking.

Instead, work out what it is you want from life, then make plans to make it happen.

What does he say about your weight? Is he abusive?

It's not adultery...yet. Adultery is sexual intercourse with someone who is not your spouse. It may be considered cheating though depending on the terms/boundaries of the relationship, which is subjective.

What will be gained by telling H? Will he suddenly find you attractive? No! If anything, it may spur him to cheat if he hasn't already, perhaps.

If your husband signed up for dating sites and was chatting with and exchanging videos and images (of what?) would you not consider that to be adultery ?