Ruined my life I’m a stupid idiot

I sympathise with you to a certain extent OP. You are obviously unhappy in your marriage ,but what you did won't help you at all. If it were me I would address the problems in my marriage. Talk to your husband. Decide if you can save your marriage.
But stop what you are doing. It is wrong. If you confess he won't forgive you. Turn over a new leaf. Try and save your marriage.if you can't then separating is the only answer.

They are for anyone to talk to who is on distress .

Not only that, they're there to listen to anyone.

That is exactly my point. People do love to project on these threads, don't they? At no point did I say the OP was a slut or anything like it. I said she was attention seeking for validation. As someone with low body confidence and anxiety over my looks in spite of never having been more than a size 16-18 and being told I am pretty my whole life, sending people nude photos to a stranger is the last thing I can imagine doing.

I am the person who has spent most of my life ducking out of photos, or struggling to relax and look natural because I hate my smile and I can't stop focusing on the asymmetry of my features. Any photo where I am more than a size 10 or 12 I just feel l look enormous. I cringe at having to look at photos of myself where I look less than perfect, which is obviously the vast majority of them. I've never posted a pouty, or sexily posed selfie in my life. It feel ridiculously arrogant and deluded to do so. I cringe inside out at women and girls who do this in the hope of attracting load of complimentary comments about how gorgeous they are. I know objectively I probably don't look any worse than the next person, but it's not a logical thing I am dealing with here. Even if I did think I was beautiful or had a greet figure, I still can't imagine trying to draw attention to myself that way. It's not in my nature to fish for compliments so brazenly.

In my experience the sorts of people who do this sort of thing generally have quite high opinions of their own looks and like to have that validated by other people because they have delicate egos that need regularly boosting. That's not the same thing as having low confidence over your looks or body image. Not the same at all.

I didn't get that @HeadDeskHeadDesk was judging or suggesting the OP was a "slut".

As someone who is ashamed of my body, the thought of photographing it makes me absolutely cringe, let alone sharing the pictures with anyone else.

That is NOT the same as saying that women who do are wrong in any way. I admire women with body confidence and I detest the whole concept of "slut".

Perhaps @Nope11 actually has a conventionally lovely body - some men do just like to bring their partners down.

But you weren’t happy, so did it for a reason. Maybe this is the right time to end your marriage.

A cry for help because you are no longer connecting with a DH who has clearly checked out of the marriage, to the point where he is using his wife as a blow up doll. Depends on what your definition of a marriage is doesn’t it ?

I think ‘walk a mile in my shoes’ is appropriate here. OP has clearly been through a lot and this experience, once confessed, seems to have brought her DH to his senses. Hopefully they can build on that.

Don’t beat yourself up OP. I really don’t think you cheated in the traditional sense. I think the way your DH made you feel led you to look for positive reinforcement elsewhere. A dating site and some anonymous photos is the lesser of many evils.

There have been many very sad stories from women driven to affairs to get the affirmation they are seeking. You didn’t do that, and clearly your conscience got the better of you before any permanent damage was done, and I think maybe your DH has been more reasonable than you expected because he’s realised, not only that his actions have led you to this, but that it could have been much worse and resulted in the end of your marriage. I do hope you manage to resolve things so that both of you find what you need in each other.x

This. I really can’t believe the lack of empathy for on this thread for an OP who is clearly going through a difficult time. I’m encouraged by the updates, and I think possibly her DH may not have been aware of the way his actions made OP feel. Hopefully the dialogue they have opened up will lead to a better understanding of each others’ needs.

commitment to change in the future to maintain the status quo have alarm bells ringing this is what coercive controllers say
promise of change in the future doesn’t resolve what’s now it isa way of deflecting any action that needs to be taken- what is he doing in real terms to resolve the situation people rarely change without a major shift in their fortunes major loss etc which creates the vacuum necessary for a new approach to life
you have to decide on a course of action
once you have done that you will have endless support

If i know anything about anxiety, keeping something your embarrassed and/or regretful about only makes your anxiety worse. Ignore the people who don't understand you OP. I can see why you needed to tell him, you told him for your own sanity. Hopefully this has been a wake up call for both of you and you can move forward. As painful as it is, Its moments like these that make a couple wake up to what they really want. Best wishes x

Well if he keeps making comments about your weight when you have sex no wonder your confidence is at rock bottom. You shouldn’t have cheated (yes what you did counts as cheating in my book), but I can understand how you got to that point. If he’s willing to go for therapy with you maybe you can rebuild your manage, but to be honest I’m not sure it’s worth it. Whatever you’ve done, he really doesn’t sound very nice and I think leaving him is probably the best thing for you.

Are you seriously baffled or are you just being nasty?

On the off-chance that you are being serious, I think someone with low self esteem can fairly easily be "love bombed" by an exploitative stranger on the internet and, enjoying what seems like the positive attention she's been missing, be persuaded to do something foolish. Whereas someone with more self-confidence would be quicker to recognise that they were being manipulated.

That’s not how it works, at least not for everyone.

You’re certainly no psychologist are you ?. And your scorn isn’t even thinly veiled. If you think OP acted like a slut and is now making excuses why don’t you just come out and say it, because that’s what you’re implying.

Her husband makes comments about her weight. She may be pissed off with him for doing that, but it's clearly not affecting her self esteem that deeply if she's happy to send nude photos to other men. Women who have a sense of self loathing over their appearance don't do that.

It’s very possible that the realisation that OP took such drastic action as a result of his actions and how they made her feel has shocked him, and that’s probably why he’s taken it on board so easily. The reaction of someone who is intentionally abusive will be very different to someone who doesn’t realise that they are abusive until it’s brought home to them. And let’s not forget, OP did say he was angry, so it wasn’t all plain sailing.

Why baffling ? The only reason OP has low confidence is because her DH criticises her body and makes her feel worthless. The nude photos were anonymous, and they weren’t put out there to ‘fish for compliments’. It makes perfect sense to me that having been treated no better than a blow up doll by a verbally abusive husband, OP would seek validation that she’s attractive to others. Not the best way to get it, but understandable.

You said * ’In situations like this, when I hear women say 'I only did it to boost my confidence' I always think 'No love, your confidence is just fine. You did it because you crave attention and you think you deserve more that you currently get.'* Why would you apply this to OP’s situation ? From what she’s said she gets precious little attention as it is so it’s not the same thing at all. I don’t think you’re baffled at all. Just plain judgemental and totally devoid of any understanding.

Well he took this news remarkably well for someone who you've made out to be abusive and awful.

I am absolutely baffled by the idea that someone who says they have no confidence and low self esteem because of comments about their weight, as well as severe anxiety, would ever find themselves sending nude photos to random men on the internet. I would have thought you'd be the last sort of person to want to do that.

In situations like this, when I hear women say 'I only did it to boost my confidence' I always think 'No love, your confidence is just fine. You did it because you crave attention and you think you deserve more that you currently get.'

Someone with low confidence in their looks or their desirability wouldn't dream of going fishing for compliments. Putting themselves out there to be judged and rated is the last thing someone with low self esteem would do.

I hope all works out the way you want it to.