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Original poster

Helping a Desperate Young Woman

132 replies

TopSec · 21/08/2025 16:28

Not really a "AIBU" but I am unsure where to put this for the most traffic and I truly want to help this young family - please stay with me for this long message. The people in question are unable to post this as they don't want to be outed.

I am writing on here to ask if anyone has any advice or experience in being made homeless. | am asking for a very good friends daughter and her 3 children. She was given notice 3 months ago to vacate the house she rents and has done for the last 7 years, both with her ex-partner and latterly, on her own with the children. The Landlord said he was selling it but we suspect because of the new Landlord / Tenant Act which is due but no proof.

She has since been unable to find a private let because they are all asking for a guarantor who has an income of £52,000+, despite having impeccable references. She also has a deposit of around £1500. Unfortunately the Estate Agents have been unable to help her

The LA have been useless, despite making all the right noises - coos and lots of "I'm so sorry" etc but no actual help. She was basically told to sit tight until the bailiffs came because if she does anything else, she was making herself homeless. She can't possibly do this with 3 children as they would be so frightened. She has also had to put all her furniture in storage as the Landlord wants the keys by the weekend and she has had to abide or lose her deposit. What an absolute nonsense piece of advice to give a single mum with 3 children 10 years and under! Even wrote to our MP who just reiterated everything the LA has told her. She has been told she cannot bid for a council house for at least 12 weeks. Her mother is a single lady, (my BF) aged 73, pensioner who only has her pension available to her. She cannot put them up as the LA have said, again, they won't help if she has somewhere to stay, despite the fact that her mother would lose her single occupancy and UC if she allows her daughter and 3 children to stay. The LA said they may put her in a hotel but couldn't tell her where - they said it could be in the next county! These children have school to go to when the new term starts. She could end up in a hotel full of illegal single males on her own with 3 children. How ridiculous

She has dragged herself up over the last few years since her partner left, even starting her own business which is keeping her head above water - for now.

The children's father is refusing to help. They were not married and the money he gave her was not ordered by court order, so a Landlord will not accept this as a guaranteed part of her income. He has now married, taken on 2 step children and, because of this, the CSA have reduced her payments by around £70 PM. (He contacted the CSA when she asked for a little help to find a new property as rents had increased considerably - we know he hasn't be truthful to them but have no proof - he has played a blinder and is now controlling everything.

Her father is no longer in her life

She has to hand over the keys to her present house on Sunday and has no idea what she is going to do. She is scared, frightened and broken. The children are very upset and this is affecting them in ways I won't describe on here. Her mother is beside herself, crying and also broken - this is her daughter and her grandchildren

And yes, I will say it - Illegal Migrants are housed as soon as they arrive in this Country, given all the help and assistance they require - even giving them money and driving lessons, - hotels in Swindon full of them and yet this poor girl is getting no help at all until she is on the streets - and then the most basic of assistance.

If you can help with any advice or if anyone has been through similar and can help with their experiences, then please do let me know. I will print out all responses for her so that she can follow up as many tips as you may have

Thanks for taking the time to read through this. I am so angry

OP posts:
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Walkden · 08/04/2026 19:35

"Ok 63 but its not a place for a single woman and her 3 children. I am sure you would agree with that - and no need for the profanity, I am just trying to help someone who is in desperate need"

You are being quite disingenuous here. Those 63 places presumably were offered to refugees as they will literally be homeless on arrival to the UK.

There will be places offered to this young woman and her kids when she is also homeless, provided she follows the council advice to remain in her home until evicted by bailiffs.

Social housing is not plentiful enough to pay immediately offer subsidised housing to everyone whose landlord wants them to leave.

IPM · 08/04/2026 19:21

Onmytod24 · 08/04/2026 18:57

The new owners will become her new landlords. The same advice has been given over and over again don’t give the keys back stay there. I don’t know why all the beds are in storage. That’s ridiculous. The family needs to be living in the house otherwise it just looks like a set up.

The same advice has been given over and over again

So why bump an 8 month old zombie thread to give it yet again?

BMW6 · 08/04/2026 19:17

Onmytod24

The OP hasn't posted since last August...........

Onmytod24 · 08/04/2026 18:57

The new owners will become her new landlords. The same advice has been given over and over again don’t give the keys back stay there. I don’t know why all the beds are in storage. That’s ridiculous. The family needs to be living in the house otherwise it just looks like a set up.

Jackiepumpkinhead · 22/08/2025 17:56

I noticed you said that the landlord has sold the house. The new owner was brave to buy with a tenant still in situ. I’m not sure where she stands legally in that case and if the issue becomes the new owners and the whole process starts again. I’m sure someone will know.

Hoppinggreen · 22/08/2025 15:25

I have been sexually assaulted several times, always by men born in The UK
DD was sexually assaulted by a white Surrey Posh boy at Uni and was asked by a group of white men outside Wethersppons to show them her tits when she was 13
None of which is relevant to this womans housing situation

Barney16 · 22/08/2025 09:09

Unfortunately the advice the council has given is correct and as crazy as it sounds she needs to wait for the baliffs to show up. It won't be all dramatic, shouting,swearing, kicking down doors, as pp has said she just opens the door, and gives them the keys. If she doesn't do this she's intentionally homeless which is another whole world of aggravation.

ExtraOnions · 22/08/2025 09:00

Twitter / Reform / Facebook / GB News / The Mail etc have done an amazing job in convincing people that the housing problem is to do with refugees / asylum seekers.. distracting them from the real reasons (nothing to do with refugees / asylum seekers)

Thatchers “Right to buy” (and subsequent governments) has removed about 2.5 million homes from council stock.

This is more than ten times the number that have been built to replace them.

About 30% of homes bought using Right to Buy are now owned by Private Landlords.

Previous Governments have limited the number of homes Local Authorities can build, leaving private developers to replace stock … sometimes not great quality, and at inflated costs.

Add to that the lack of skilled European tradesmen, and the increase in the costs of building materials.

This government are trying to change that, and are providing the funding and expertise into LAs to start a new wave of Council Homes / Affordable Homes

However … there are always multiple protests and appeals over developments, with Reform / Hyper-local councils, not wanting developments .. “this site isn’t suitable, but I’ll not tell you one that is”

Add onto that the lack of regulation around who can buy .. and rather than small landlords, you get large, often foreign owned, companies, mass buying properties, because there are going to make a lot of money in rent.

The housing crisis is not caused by people coming over on small boats, it’s been a deliberately constructed policy, to deliver large profits to developers and investment firms. Blaming people in boats is a narrative pushed by the RWM, to distract you from Capitalism being the problem.

Dancingsquirrels · 22/08/2025 08:37

Mustbethat · 21/08/2025 21:04

If they aren’t they will be refused asylum. But they are entitled to due process.

the issue is more that the process is incredibly slow. People need to stop focussing on “boat people” and start demanding the asylum process is funded and streamlined so anyone not genuine is processed and refused asap, instead of being left in hotels indefinitely while the paperwork is done.

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Yes, agree with this. Asylum claims should be processed promptly, so people are either (a) granted asylum and can start working or (b) refused and removed from UK

GrumblyHedge · 22/08/2025 08:30

Coffeetime25 · 21/08/2025 17:09

and then you mentioned the narrative you do no these migrants have to wait two years before being aloud housing medical care or education or work right but hey why should the facts stop you when Facebook can give you the narrative lol

You’ve made your point, give it a rest now.

Keepingthingsinteresting · 22/08/2025 08:23

Ladyzfactor · 22/08/2025 08:15

You haven't at all addressed the completely pointless, misinformed and racist comments in the original post? And I doubt you will.

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agreed, the @TopSec clearly thinks her disgusting owes are reasonable. The despair for the state of the world sometimes.

Teadrinkerswonderings · 22/08/2025 08:21

a friend who rented her old house had non paying tenants for eight months, three of it were where she was in and out of court three times while the tenants stayed put as advised by the council, each time the judge was aghast she was back again. (Sorry no proper advice but an example of the council’s behaviour).

Ratafia · 22/08/2025 08:18

Damnd · 21/08/2025 20:49

I don't think you are in the real world if you believe the majority of migrants are genuine asylum seekers

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The vast majority of migrants to this country are perfectly genuine migrants who enter legally with leave to stay, for example to work or come to university here. Around 65% of those who claim asylum are given it after due investigation, i.e. it is accepted they are genuine asylum seekers.

Ladyzfactor · 22/08/2025 08:15

TopSec · 22/08/2025 08:05

I know I said I would close this down, but as I didn't have the time to respond to everyone individually, and read some posts after I said that, I would just like to confirm that this young woman is not my friend, she is the daughter of my very close friend. She is a young woman with 3 small children. Someone said stop worrying about my friend. Of course I am going to worry about my friend. She is a pensioner and would lose a lot of benefits if the family were with her. She is on her own. However, they are her family and she will move heaven and earth to help and protect them, even if it does mean she loses what she receives at the moment. Someone said she doesn't get UC at 72. She has said she does but maybe she is using the wrong term for the £8.00 pm benefit she gets. Its not because we live on facebook to get our advice, its simply a mistaken term. I think it is more like pension credit. This is a young woman who feels they have been let down, rightly or wrongly, by the Local Authority and by her ex-Partner and the father of her children. She is scared, broken and frightened and is now suffering the consequences of many bad decisions she has taken so far. haven't we all made bad decisions in life? That does not mean we shouldn't feel any sympathy for her. The Landlord has already given her notice and she has to hand over the keys on Sunday this week as the property has been sold. The LA are aware of this. She has started her own business and is working very hard to provide for her children on her own, so for those of you who ask "why does she need social housing", I have explained, as others have, how difficult it is now to find private rental and the rules that accompany that. Has she made mistakes? Of course she has and they have come back to bite her on the bum, but no need now to say "i told you so".
Thank you again for those of you who have shown this young woman some empathy. As I said in an earlier post, I will close this down for now but promise to update - for those who would be interested - if anything changes.

You haven't at all addressed the completely pointless, misinformed and racist comments in the original post? And I doubt you will.

Ratafia · 22/08/2025 08:12

And yes, I will say it - Illegal Migrants are housed as soon as they arrive in this Country, given all the help and assistance they require - even giving them money and driving lessons, - hotels in Swindon full of them and yet this poor girl is getting no help at all until she is on the streets - and then the most basic of assistance.

This is simply not true. Illegal migrants get put in detention camps before being deported. You are presumably talking about refugees, who have already lost their homes in their own countries, and who are legal immigrants. They don't get driving lessons, nor do they get money - they simply get very limited vouchers.

With this level of knowledge, you really shouldn't be trying to help this woman. You need to refer her to people like Shelter who actually know what they are talking about.

valadon68 · 22/08/2025 08:09

I feel very sorry for your friend, OP, and it is good that you care so much about her. I hope she gets things sorted.

I just wanted to try to clarify something because there is a lot of confusion around what happens to people seeking asylum when they reach the UK. The gulf between what they need and what is offered by the LA must be filled by charity - individuals volunteering to help. There is not enough charity to go round and I don't think this is commonly known. Poor immigrants are having just as bad a time as your friend is and are in the main living in poverty. I'm sure it will be no comfort to you to hear this, but maybe it will help dispel some resentment.

Ratafia · 22/08/2025 08:07

TopSec · 21/08/2025 16:47

Thank you. Yes this is what she has been told, but, and its a BIG BUT, she says she will lose her deposit, maybe get a CCJ which means she will never be able to rent anything after that. The House is empty now and she is really worried how this will affect her children, seeing the Bailiffs turn up and throw them out. What a cruel world. I will tell her but I suspect she is passed that option now.

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The bailiffs wouldn't turn up out of the blue. The LL would have to get a county court judgment first and then apply for a warrant, and she would be warned before the bailiffs came. That is all likely to take a long time. Honestly, she really shouldn't hand the keys in this weekend.

Original poster
TopSec · 22/08/2025 08:05

I know I said I would close this down, but as I didn't have the time to respond to everyone individually, and read some posts after I said that, I would just like to confirm that this young woman is not my friend, she is the daughter of my very close friend. She is a young woman with 3 small children. Someone said stop worrying about my friend. Of course I am going to worry about my friend. She is a pensioner and would lose a lot of benefits if the family were with her. She is on her own. However, they are her family and she will move heaven and earth to help and protect them, even if it does mean she loses what she receives at the moment. Someone said she doesn't get UC at 72. She has said she does but maybe she is using the wrong term for the £8.00 pm benefit she gets. Its not because we live on facebook to get our advice, its simply a mistaken term. I think it is more like pension credit. This is a young woman who feels they have been let down, rightly or wrongly, by the Local Authority and by her ex-Partner and the father of her children. She is scared, broken and frightened and is now suffering the consequences of many bad decisions she has taken so far. haven't we all made bad decisions in life? That does not mean we shouldn't feel any sympathy for her. The Landlord has already given her notice and she has to hand over the keys on Sunday this week as the property has been sold. The LA are aware of this. She has started her own business and is working very hard to provide for her children on her own, so for those of you who ask "why does she need social housing", I have explained, as others have, how difficult it is now to find private rental and the rules that accompany that. Has she made mistakes? Of course she has and they have come back to bite her on the bum, but no need now to say "i told you so".
Thank you again for those of you who have shown this young woman some empathy. As I said in an earlier post, I will close this down for now but promise to update - for those who would be interested - if anything changes.

OP posts:
YesHonestly · 22/08/2025 08:02

Another one annoyed by the illegal immigrant comment. Illegal immigrants get nothing, as they are here illegally. They don’t tend to make themselves known and pop up asking for houses and benefits. Asylum seekers are entitled to seek asylum here and hotels are paid for by the home office.

Anyway, she needs to stay put. Being homeless will immediately increase her banding and she will be a priority for housing. Living at her mother’s will not make her a priority, and although she can bid for housing in 12 weeks her position will be low if she is deemed to be suitably housed. She could be bidding for years.

She needs to wait for the bailiffs and go into temporary accommodation. There is no other option here.

HauntedBungalow · 22/08/2025 07:54

OP I hope she takes the advice here. She has a perfect right to stay where she is and won't be doing anything wrong. The tenancy isn't over when the landlord gives notice - notice is just notice, a request if you like. She can and should deny that request and continue with the tenancy until the landlord goes through the legal process of asking the court to end the tenancy. If she moves out before then, she herself is ending the tenancy.

She must continue to pay rent and then she won't lose her deposit or open herself up to a court claim for rent. There will be no CCJ because she won't owe any money.

Kids can continue to visit granny as they usually would do, it's nobody's business when that happens and no need to mention it.

Get the housing application in now, waiting 12 weeks is bullshit. If she's been served a valid notice the council will prioritise her for housing. How exactly they do that will be in their own policy which is on their website. She needs to look it up : it will be called something like "Allocations Policy" . Citizens Advice can go through the policy with her and help her to lean on the council to get them to follow it. She should also contact her local councillor and MP. Their offices will write a letter in support of her and that puts more pressure on the council.

If they do end up in temporary accommodation it won't be with/asylum seekers migrants. Migrants and asylum seekers are housed separately in hotels. Accommodation for families is usually much better, more spacious and usually includes cooking facilities, access to legal advice on site and so on.

Keepingthingsinteresting · 22/08/2025 07:49

TopSec · 22/08/2025 07:38

Thank you all. The advice given by everyone is exactly the same and I have sent these to her, with a covering email telling her to get her head around what she has to do for the children. If anything changes over the next few days, I will update this post, but as everyone is saying the same, and are very factual, then I think its time to close this post down. Thank you again for everyone who has offered help and advice. Please know that I have passed on all your comments. Thank you again

Thanks for the help but no apologies for the racism. Shame on you @TopSec.

Namechangetry · 22/08/2025 07:44

TopSec · 22/08/2025 07:24

Thank you. Apparently they can stay with the mother for 3 months. After that, her mother loses her UC (all £8 but that's a lot when you have nothing), and her single occupancy on council tax,so need to avoid that. She has, apparently, been told that she can start bidding for council houses after 12 weeks.

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Stop worrying about what it'll do to the mother (which surely the daughter could cover if it's so important?) and see what it'll do to the daughter's chance of housing, if she does that.

If she's living with family she'll go way down the priority. So she might be able to bid, but she'll have no chance of coming first, and she'll be living with her mother for possibly years. She has to do what the council and multiple posters have told her to do, wait to be evicted, there's no way round it.

Shessweetbutapsycho · 22/08/2025 07:40

Damnd · 21/08/2025 20:49

I don't think you are in the real world if you believe the majority of migrants are genuine asylum seekers

Show quote history

Where did I say that? I said those seeking asylum are not illegal immigrants. Any they have no bearing at all on this woman’s friend’s daughter.

Original poster
TopSec · 22/08/2025 07:38

Thank you all. The advice given by everyone is exactly the same and I have sent these to her, with a covering email telling her to get her head around what she has to do for the children. If anything changes over the next few days, I will update this post, but as everyone is saying the same, and are very factual, then I think its time to close this post down. Thank you again for everyone who has offered help and advice. Please know that I have passed on all your comments. Thank you again

OP posts:
Keepingthingsinteresting · 22/08/2025 07:37

Do what the LA says, speak to Shelter. You should stop being a racist bigot- you lost my sympathy when you started with the dog whistle racist rhetoric. HTH

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