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Original poster

Date asking strange questions

311 replies

JMaggs93 · 21/08/2025 15:22

Wanted other's perspectives on this as I've been out of the dating game for a while and have been taken aback by questions this man has been asking me on dates.

I'm 32 and he is 27. We met online and spoke for a while, then decided to meet up. Our first couple of dates were lovely and he seemed really nice and genuine. On our third date we went to watch a film where the leading lady was going on a date herself, a single parent etc, much like myself.

I was driving so on the way to drop him home afterwards we were chatting in the car, and he suddenly asked me if karate (I've been doing this for a few years and love it) is something I'd ever think about giving up in future. I told him of course not, why would I? He then said maybe I'd have to if I wanted anymore children etc which honestly right now I don't want for personal reasons. I found this an odd thing to say but let it go.
We were talking about the movie and the female character who was getting back into dating. He then asked me if I ever wondered what he saw in me on the dating app we met on. More specifically, did I ever wonder what he saw in me and 'all my baggage'? Obviously he meant my kids and my bad experiences with relationships which I'd told him about briefly whilst we were first chatting.

I immediately caught the ick. I was so shocked I didn't really give an answer but it's made me think that he believes I should count myself lucky that a younger man chose me despite my 'baggage'. For context, this man has a child of his own and a bad co parenting relationship with his ex, so really if he thinks what I have is baggage then surely he has the same?

I guess what I'm asking is, am I being unreasonable for feeling really put off and belittled? Like I'm not quite good enough but he picked me anyway? I did like him a lot but after this I feel really weird about him. He's been messaging me as normal and wants another date but I've been giving him short answers and avoiding for the most part. I feel really deflated after plucking up the courage to get back out there.

OP posts:
HelloHellNo · 21/08/2025 21:20

Don't see him again.

I'm a prick. I'd think of his biggest insecurity and give that as the reason to dump him.

Unfortunately, I don't find you attractive. I didn't feel there was enough banter. I just found your gigantic nose so distracting that I couldn't concentrate on our conversation.

Thingyfanding · 21/08/2025 21:19

In the bin!

AutumnOffGrid · 21/08/2025 21:16

I’m not nice as the classy ladies on here.

I would….

Throw my head back and laugh and say “What, you think you’re too good for me, and you are doing me a favour? Mate, thanks for the couple of dates. It was nice to get out, but there’s no way I’m exposing my “baggage” to an arsehole like you. I’m not that desperate”.

Get rid now. He’s a twat.

Papyrophile · 21/08/2025 21:14

I've been out of dating for almost 35 years, and my gut reaction is to get out fast.

Lionness5 · 21/08/2025 21:14

Why did you let anything go? It's the ideal time to challenge so you can walk away before you start thinking you're in love.

Returnofjude · 21/08/2025 21:11

Bunny44 · 21/08/2025 20:53

How about you hush. You sound like the man she went on a date with judging her for her history 👀. Still patronising.

Show quote history

🤫

CanIgetARosePinkFrappucino · 21/08/2025 21:09

JLou08 · 21/08/2025 21:03

Don't see him again. He's starting the put downs and laying the pathfinder control already.

On a more serious note, why such young man would look forward to take a woman and abuse her???

JLou08 · 21/08/2025 21:03

Don't see him again. He's starting the put downs and laying the pathfinder control already.

hypnovic · 21/08/2025 21:03

He is setting the tone for the whole relationship..negging from the off

CanIgetARosePinkFrappucino · 21/08/2025 21:02

Returnofjude · 21/08/2025 18:31

Come again

you had 10 children?

Show quote history

She is really 25 years older, he is from Africa and they are on a spousal visa for him, know the guys

Horsie · 21/08/2025 20:59

He negged you, OP. It's something that small, insecure men do, because they think women need "taking down a peg or two." It's the start of abuse and will only get worse. THROW HIM BACK.

Tell him, "You know, I DO have too much baggage for you. I'm sure you can do so much better, so I'm going to let you go." Then watch his backpedal furiously. Meaning that yes, he was negging you.

JNicholson · 21/08/2025 20:54

Oops sorry clicked YABU by mistake, I was definitely going for YANBU!!!!!!

Onthemaintrunkline · 21/08/2025 20:54

If his talk is this unpleasant in these early days, I hate to think what he’ll be like further down the road. I hope you don’t hang around.

Bunny44 · 21/08/2025 20:53

Returnofjude · 21/08/2025 20:33

Oh hush now! 😆

This OP has come out of a very bad relationship history
and her benchmark is so very fucked that she starts this thread about very clearly an off his rocker man

so yes… I think time for her to get to know herself and settle and enjoy single life would prob be in her best interested

Show quote history

How about you hush. You sound like the man she went on a date with judging her for her history 👀. Still patronising.

Miss1983 · 21/08/2025 20:50

Block and delete
You are worth so much more
Its great that you have questioned this and your gut told you it wasn't right
Trust your instincts, im sorry you experienced this but be thankful he showed his true colours before it became serious

CanIgetARosePinkFrappucino · 21/08/2025 20:47

This sent me laughing out loud with a crazy laugh, even though someone on another thread called me the 1950s brigade. LOL.

as we say on here, what a charmer, priceless, throw this one back

Someone2025 · 21/08/2025 20:46

JMaggs93 · 21/08/2025 15:22

Wanted other's perspectives on this as I've been out of the dating game for a while and have been taken aback by questions this man has been asking me on dates.

I'm 32 and he is 27. We met online and spoke for a while, then decided to meet up. Our first couple of dates were lovely and he seemed really nice and genuine. On our third date we went to watch a film where the leading lady was going on a date herself, a single parent etc, much like myself.

I was driving so on the way to drop him home afterwards we were chatting in the car, and he suddenly asked me if karate (I've been doing this for a few years and love it) is something I'd ever think about giving up in future. I told him of course not, why would I? He then said maybe I'd have to if I wanted anymore children etc which honestly right now I don't want for personal reasons. I found this an odd thing to say but let it go.
We were talking about the movie and the female character who was getting back into dating. He then asked me if I ever wondered what he saw in me on the dating app we met on. More specifically, did I ever wonder what he saw in me and 'all my baggage'? Obviously he meant my kids and my bad experiences with relationships which I'd told him about briefly whilst we were first chatting.

I immediately caught the ick. I was so shocked I didn't really give an answer but it's made me think that he believes I should count myself lucky that a younger man chose me despite my 'baggage'. For context, this man has a child of his own and a bad co parenting relationship with his ex, so really if he thinks what I have is baggage then surely he has the same?

I guess what I'm asking is, am I being unreasonable for feeling really put off and belittled? Like I'm not quite good enough but he picked me anyway? I did like him a lot but after this I feel really weird about him. He's been messaging me as normal and wants another date but I've been giving him short answers and avoiding for the most part. I feel really deflated after plucking up the courage to get back out there.

He wants to dent your confidence so you feel grateful that such an amazing catch such as himself chose you…..oh you lucky girl😂

Toseland · 21/08/2025 20:40

waterrat · 21/08/2025 15:51

I got a shiver reading that.

He is negging you - working out if he can abuse you.

he is not clumsy, jesus christ. He used the word 'baggage' - get as far away as you can very fast.

Exactly - watch out ladies, there are blokes out there like this!

Bonbon249 · 21/08/2025 20:39

Did you ever wonder what I saw in you with all your baggage?

Answer1 No I'm terrific?

Answer 2 No, but I'm wondering what I saw in you and your baggage.

Answer3 No, but I think you should walk from here.

Jollyhockeystickss · 21/08/2025 20:38

I met a guy years ago in a club he chatted me up and said that he liked me but that he 'didnt do baggage' meaning my child, he went off to buy me a drink and i left him to it and went home.....weirdly years later he started dating my friend and we found out he had a son he didnt see!!!!!

Cranberryavocado · 21/08/2025 20:37

Ob no, run for the hills. He sounds horrible. Lucky you found out now😬

DamnUserName21 · 21/08/2025 20:36

What is up with these men?!

Third date and he is already trying to 'mold' you and manipulate you into being grateful that he chose you by dropping not so subtle hints and playing on any self-doubt or low self-esteem you may have.

Run a fucking mile!

Soontobesingles · 21/08/2025 20:35

I actually think it is really great that you are out there dating, and strong enough to turn down the wrong man even if he wants more. Listen to the ick!!

Alltheyellowbirds · 21/08/2025 20:35

What a twat.

Returnofjude · 21/08/2025 20:33

Bunny44 · 21/08/2025 20:29

No she's 32, and it's up to her if she wants to date.

Bloody patronising all the people telling single mum's they ought to stay single and concentrate on their children when usually they ARE the ones doing all the work and making sacrifices, but apparently never enough for hypocritical society...

Show quote history

Oh hush now! 😆

This OP has come out of a very bad relationship history
and her benchmark is so very fucked that she starts this thread about very clearly an off his rocker man

so yes… I think time for her to get to know herself and settle and enjoy single life would prob be in her best interested