Page 8 | Date asking strange questions

Iamnotalemming · 21/08/2025 23:27

Classic negging. He is testing your boundaries to see what he get away with, trying to make you feel lucky to have got his attention, the Prince that he is.
Well, fuck that.

HumphreyCushionintheHouse · 21/08/2025 23:18

Remaining single would be much better than having this man in your life.

Viewsaremyown · 21/08/2025 23:14

Ditch him quick. You shouldn’t have red flags this early.

Missj25 · 21/08/2025 23:01

JMaggs93 · 21/08/2025 15:22

Wanted other's perspectives on this as I've been out of the dating game for a while and have been taken aback by questions this man has been asking me on dates.

I'm 32 and he is 27. We met online and spoke for a while, then decided to meet up. Our first couple of dates were lovely and he seemed really nice and genuine. On our third date we went to watch a film where the leading lady was going on a date herself, a single parent etc, much like myself.

I was driving so on the way to drop him home afterwards we were chatting in the car, and he suddenly asked me if karate (I've been doing this for a few years and love it) is something I'd ever think about giving up in future. I told him of course not, why would I? He then said maybe I'd have to if I wanted anymore children etc which honestly right now I don't want for personal reasons. I found this an odd thing to say but let it go.
We were talking about the movie and the female character who was getting back into dating. He then asked me if I ever wondered what he saw in me on the dating app we met on. More specifically, did I ever wonder what he saw in me and 'all my baggage'? Obviously he meant my kids and my bad experiences with relationships which I'd told him about briefly whilst we were first chatting.

I immediately caught the ick. I was so shocked I didn't really give an answer but it's made me think that he believes I should count myself lucky that a younger man chose me despite my 'baggage'. For context, this man has a child of his own and a bad co parenting relationship with his ex, so really if he thinks what I have is baggage then surely he has the same?

I guess what I'm asking is, am I being unreasonable for feeling really put off and belittled? Like I'm not quite good enough but he picked me anyway? I did like him a lot but after this I feel really weird about him. He's been messaging me as normal and wants another date but I've been giving him short answers and avoiding for the most part. I feel really deflated after plucking up the courage to get back out there.

Do not date this guy ..
” Did you ever wonder what I saw in you & all your baggage “ ! !
I understand that you feel put off now by dating , but OP he’s just one guy ..
Referring to your children as baggage !
You said yourself he doesn’t co - parent well , bad sign in my book ..
I hope you don’t feel like maybe you have to settle because you have kids ..
NO YOU DO NOT have to settle ..
Infact more reason for you to be choosy ..
When you meet someone right you will know it ..
Right now you’re after meeting someone & you’re pretty sure he is wrong ..
Cause he is OP x

Todayismyfavouriteday · 21/08/2025 22:54

I'd run. And next time, do not give details about past shitty relationships. This does not help establish boundaries of self-respect and dignity, and does not set a good precedent.

CalmTheFuckDownMargaret · 21/08/2025 22:27

How odd. At a guess, I’d say he’s either getting you to reassure him that his own doubts about your suitability are nothing to worry about, or he’s trying to ‘neg’ you so you feel glad to have him. Either would give me the ick too. ‘Baggage’? Giving up things to be a mother? He’s showing you some nice casual sexism as well.

MaggieBsBoat · 21/08/2025 22:22

And you did t immediately reply, „what about your baggage then?“

Pg75 · 21/08/2025 22:22

JMaggs93 · 21/08/2025 15:22

Wanted other's perspectives on this as I've been out of the dating game for a while and have been taken aback by questions this man has been asking me on dates.

I'm 32 and he is 27. We met online and spoke for a while, then decided to meet up. Our first couple of dates were lovely and he seemed really nice and genuine. On our third date we went to watch a film where the leading lady was going on a date herself, a single parent etc, much like myself.

I was driving so on the way to drop him home afterwards we were chatting in the car, and he suddenly asked me if karate (I've been doing this for a few years and love it) is something I'd ever think about giving up in future. I told him of course not, why would I? He then said maybe I'd have to if I wanted anymore children etc which honestly right now I don't want for personal reasons. I found this an odd thing to say but let it go.
We were talking about the movie and the female character who was getting back into dating. He then asked me if I ever wondered what he saw in me on the dating app we met on. More specifically, did I ever wonder what he saw in me and 'all my baggage'? Obviously he meant my kids and my bad experiences with relationships which I'd told him about briefly whilst we were first chatting.

I immediately caught the ick. I was so shocked I didn't really give an answer but it's made me think that he believes I should count myself lucky that a younger man chose me despite my 'baggage'. For context, this man has a child of his own and a bad co parenting relationship with his ex, so really if he thinks what I have is baggage then surely he has the same?

I guess what I'm asking is, am I being unreasonable for feeling really put off and belittled? Like I'm not quite good enough but he picked me anyway? I did like him a lot but after this I feel really weird about him. He's been messaging me as normal and wants another date but I've been giving him short answers and avoiding for the most part. I feel really deflated after plucking up the courage to get back out there.

And anyway do you really want to get involved with him if he can't co parent with his ex? Plus his ex maybe nuts/bitter and cause trouble anyway. Wide birth I'd say all round!

Glowstickparty · 21/08/2025 22:20

Run op is my only advice!

Pherian · 21/08/2025 22:18

JMaggs93 · 21/08/2025 15:22

Wanted other's perspectives on this as I've been out of the dating game for a while and have been taken aback by questions this man has been asking me on dates.

I'm 32 and he is 27. We met online and spoke for a while, then decided to meet up. Our first couple of dates were lovely and he seemed really nice and genuine. On our third date we went to watch a film where the leading lady was going on a date herself, a single parent etc, much like myself.

I was driving so on the way to drop him home afterwards we were chatting in the car, and he suddenly asked me if karate (I've been doing this for a few years and love it) is something I'd ever think about giving up in future. I told him of course not, why would I? He then said maybe I'd have to if I wanted anymore children etc which honestly right now I don't want for personal reasons. I found this an odd thing to say but let it go.
We were talking about the movie and the female character who was getting back into dating. He then asked me if I ever wondered what he saw in me on the dating app we met on. More specifically, did I ever wonder what he saw in me and 'all my baggage'? Obviously he meant my kids and my bad experiences with relationships which I'd told him about briefly whilst we were first chatting.

I immediately caught the ick. I was so shocked I didn't really give an answer but it's made me think that he believes I should count myself lucky that a younger man chose me despite my 'baggage'. For context, this man has a child of his own and a bad co parenting relationship with his ex, so really if he thinks what I have is baggage then surely he has the same?

I guess what I'm asking is, am I being unreasonable for feeling really put off and belittled? Like I'm not quite good enough but he picked me anyway? I did like him a lot but after this I feel really weird about him. He's been messaging me as normal and wants another date but I've been giving him short answers and avoiding for the most part. I feel really deflated after plucking up the courage to get back out there.

Go on a date with a new fella. It gets weirder. I promise - until you meet a good one.

You 100% are not unreasonable.

FunMustard · 21/08/2025 22:17

He sounds exactly like he's been listening to online dating coaches who say things like "what does she bring to the table?" and "high-value men need a high-value woman", and who universally seem to think that women want equality, which means contributing equally financially and also being a bang maid.

Bin him off. Knobhead.

ChaToilLeam · 21/08/2025 22:10

You are right to feel the ick! He was negging you. Bad sign, bin him. 🚩

Bourneo · 21/08/2025 22:01

🚩🚩🚩 omg RUN!!!! This was a test, to see if you'll put up with being put down and being controlled. Do not see him again. He will get worse and worse. Trust me, I've been there.

Keep your cards closer to your chest with the next guy you date, don't tell them about your previous relationships until you're sure of them. Too many guys will use this against you.

Summersalmostover · 21/08/2025 22:01

Do not doubt yourself. Of course you're not unreasonable to feel like this about him. You need to get away from him and block him. Serious red flag behaviours sp early on so I dread to think what he would be like later down the line.
He is negging you hard!
Also id advice reading up about the burned haystack method.
The women who founded it looks at written language patterns.
His would fall under "im the prize" where he thinks hes the best thing and you should be grateful for him. I also bet if you posted his dating page on the FB group there would be lots of other red flag patterns.

TheTeasmaid · 21/08/2025 21:57

you deserve someone who sees your life experience, your kids, your karate, your strength and thinks that’s the very reason you’re extraordinary, not a compromise they settled for.

DetectiveDouche · 21/08/2025 21:51

The karate question.. I'd think maybe he was (prematurely) checking that I'd be willing to give it up (temporarily) in the event of a future pregnancy.

The other questions.. nah, he can get to fuck. With the benefit of my own (dire) experiences of past dating I can recognise this as the red flag 🚩 it is even though I might have sucked it up at the time. So you should benefit from the collective MN wisdom here OP. Chuck him back, fine specimen that he undoubtedly believes himself to be 😆

AlertEagle · 21/08/2025 21:47

Ahhh another man in his soft era thinking he is the price 😂

Thewhywhybird · 21/08/2025 21:46

Bin him off, your instincts are right OP

Campingisnexttogodliness · 21/08/2025 21:43

I HAD 10 dc.. Now have 11..
Both white British..

PithyTaupeWriter · 21/08/2025 21:39

He’s properly negging you. Get rid.

XWKD · 21/08/2025 21:35

"Did you ever wonder what I saw in you with all your baggage?"

"Nope. Did you ever wonder what I saw in an arrogant cunt like you?"

LillyPJ · 21/08/2025 21:35

What's he got against karate? 5 years age difference is nothing but he seems to be making a big deal out of it. He sounds dodgy to me.

CoolOtter · 21/08/2025 21:29

Only question is, will you dump him by text or face to face? Your "baggage" is in human form, his is just toxic.

OneWildBiscuit · 21/08/2025 21:26

Returnofjude · 21/08/2025 15:31

You’re 27
You have obviously only recently come out of a horrible relationship
and you have multiple presumably very young children

Just settle in to newly single life op and enjoy it. Lots of time for men!

She's 32.

bumblebramble · 21/08/2025 21:24

It’s not really important what was said. What matters is that you felt the ick. Never ignore those sort of feelings early on because that’s coming through from the non verbal part of your brain that’s only concerned with keeping you safe and passing on your genes.

The frontal lobes then get involved “what did I miss? What did he say?” turning over and analysing everything and they’ll make you doubt your judgement.

Don’t waste anymore time on this one.