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Original poster

Date asking strange questions

311 replies

JMaggs93 · 21/08/2025 15:22

Wanted other's perspectives on this as I've been out of the dating game for a while and have been taken aback by questions this man has been asking me on dates.

I'm 32 and he is 27. We met online and spoke for a while, then decided to meet up. Our first couple of dates were lovely and he seemed really nice and genuine. On our third date we went to watch a film where the leading lady was going on a date herself, a single parent etc, much like myself.

I was driving so on the way to drop him home afterwards we were chatting in the car, and he suddenly asked me if karate (I've been doing this for a few years and love it) is something I'd ever think about giving up in future. I told him of course not, why would I? He then said maybe I'd have to if I wanted anymore children etc which honestly right now I don't want for personal reasons. I found this an odd thing to say but let it go.
We were talking about the movie and the female character who was getting back into dating. He then asked me if I ever wondered what he saw in me on the dating app we met on. More specifically, did I ever wonder what he saw in me and 'all my baggage'? Obviously he meant my kids and my bad experiences with relationships which I'd told him about briefly whilst we were first chatting.

I immediately caught the ick. I was so shocked I didn't really give an answer but it's made me think that he believes I should count myself lucky that a younger man chose me despite my 'baggage'. For context, this man has a child of his own and a bad co parenting relationship with his ex, so really if he thinks what I have is baggage then surely he has the same?

I guess what I'm asking is, am I being unreasonable for feeling really put off and belittled? Like I'm not quite good enough but he picked me anyway? I did like him a lot but after this I feel really weird about him. He's been messaging me as normal and wants another date but I've been giving him short answers and avoiding for the most part. I feel really deflated after plucking up the courage to get back out there.

OP posts:
silverspringer · 22/08/2025 18:54

Run a mile, he sounds awful.

monkeysox · 22/08/2025 18:53

Bin it.

Returnofjude · 22/08/2025 18:52

DashboardConfession · 22/08/2025 18:51

So is Lindsay Lohan's character in Freakier Friday which is on at my local Odeon in 10 minutes. Weird take.

Show quote history

Nah

It is The Drop

GertieET · 22/08/2025 18:51

JMaggs93 · 21/08/2025 15:22

Wanted other's perspectives on this as I've been out of the dating game for a while and have been taken aback by questions this man has been asking me on dates.

I'm 32 and he is 27. We met online and spoke for a while, then decided to meet up. Our first couple of dates were lovely and he seemed really nice and genuine. On our third date we went to watch a film where the leading lady was going on a date herself, a single parent etc, much like myself.

I was driving so on the way to drop him home afterwards we were chatting in the car, and he suddenly asked me if karate (I've been doing this for a few years and love it) is something I'd ever think about giving up in future. I told him of course not, why would I? He then said maybe I'd have to if I wanted anymore children etc which honestly right now I don't want for personal reasons. I found this an odd thing to say but let it go.
We were talking about the movie and the female character who was getting back into dating. He then asked me if I ever wondered what he saw in me on the dating app we met on. More specifically, did I ever wonder what he saw in me and 'all my baggage'? Obviously he meant my kids and my bad experiences with relationships which I'd told him about briefly whilst we were first chatting.

I immediately caught the ick. I was so shocked I didn't really give an answer but it's made me think that he believes I should count myself lucky that a younger man chose me despite my 'baggage'. For context, this man has a child of his own and a bad co parenting relationship with his ex, so really if he thinks what I have is baggage then surely he has the same?

I guess what I'm asking is, am I being unreasonable for feeling really put off and belittled? Like I'm not quite good enough but he picked me anyway? I did like him a lot but after this I feel really weird about him. He's been messaging me as normal and wants another date but I've been giving him short answers and avoiding for the most part. I feel really deflated after plucking up the courage to get back out there.

No just tell him that you arent interested in seeing him anymore. Its up to you if you want to give the reasons but you dont owe him anything. You only went on three dates and I would say you are lucky to have seen the red flags so early on.
To add I had 5 kids when I met my now partner and never ever has he asked me such a question or referred to my kids as baggage!

DashboardConfession · 22/08/2025 18:51

Returnofjude · 21/08/2025 16:06

Because I saw it…. Single mum getting back in to dating for the first time

Show quote history

So is Lindsay Lohan's character in Freakier Friday which is on at my local Odeon in 10 minutes. Weird take.

LittleBitofBread · 22/08/2025 18:50

They're not weird questions, they're questions only a serious cunt would ask.
I presume and hope you're not seeing him again?

tartyflette · 22/08/2025 18:49

He thinks he is absolutely wonderful, a real catch and is doing you a huge favour by deigning to go out with you, with all your baggage.'
Someone needs to tell him his fortune, as my dear Aunt used to say.

G5000 · 22/08/2025 18:46

classic manosphere text. Did he also say he's a high value man and flash his Rolex?

catlover123456789 · 22/08/2025 18:45

And this is how coercive control starts, count yourself lucky he was stupid enough to do it in the first few dates.
Don't be disheartened, but definitely throw this one back.

Anne635 · 22/08/2025 18:39

Go with your instincts. If you're not happy, be polite but walk away.

Rosscameasdoody · 22/08/2025 18:38

Dump and run. I’d have done it there and then. Open car door. Ask him politely to exit the vehicle. Burn rubber. Job done.

flippertygibbet4 · 22/08/2025 18:38

Run! Seriously, he's not worth your time. You sound lovely. Wait for someone A LOT BETTER to come along!

Jorge14 · 22/08/2025 18:33

Yep it’s weird

Bikergran · 22/08/2025 18:30

Ghost and block.

JosieW66 · 22/08/2025 18:25

Don't spend another minute even trying to work his weird brain out. He is definitely not for you and i would not want him anywhere near my child either!

I'm far older than you and look back on the guys I should have ditched years before I did! Don't waste anymore of your precious time on him as it could mean you miss out on the right guy who will never give you such negative vibes!

I'm happily single! 😄

Mazzb08 · 22/08/2025 18:23

HUGE red flags. If I was you, I would walk away now. For one, hes already thinking about you giving up your hobbies and youre only dating, and two, your kids are not baggage. Run whilst you can.

Thalia31 · 22/08/2025 18:19

The op described the whole plot

canyouseemyhousefromhere · 22/08/2025 18:19

🚩 🚩🚩

Oldwmn · 22/08/2025 18:15

Ah, my weirdo klaxon just went off! Don't meet him again. Once you've got the ick, it won't ever go away - he's deffo not the one for you

Perimama · 22/08/2025 18:14

Please Ditch him! Ick!!

Returnofjude · 22/08/2025 18:10

Let me guess op… he doesn’t drive

Does he even work?

WVirginia · 22/08/2025 18:10

🚩

Wooky073 · 22/08/2025 18:10

Huge red flags ....... his behaviour smacks of testing boundaries and sussing out to what degree he could control you. Manipulator tactics
1 - Initial charm offensive to appear to be a fabulous person
2 - make the other person feel inferior and that they should be grateful for your attention
3 - test out the level of control they could have over your life

There are more manipulation tactics which would follow - things like cutting you off from others, putting you down, undermining you etc.

The guy has done you a favour though - he has shown you who he is before you are too invested. Get out now ! Chalk this one down to experience.

Best of luck in the dating game.

Hmm1234 · 22/08/2025 18:08

JMaggs93 · 21/08/2025 15:22

Wanted other's perspectives on this as I've been out of the dating game for a while and have been taken aback by questions this man has been asking me on dates.

I'm 32 and he is 27. We met online and spoke for a while, then decided to meet up. Our first couple of dates were lovely and he seemed really nice and genuine. On our third date we went to watch a film where the leading lady was going on a date herself, a single parent etc, much like myself.

I was driving so on the way to drop him home afterwards we were chatting in the car, and he suddenly asked me if karate (I've been doing this for a few years and love it) is something I'd ever think about giving up in future. I told him of course not, why would I? He then said maybe I'd have to if I wanted anymore children etc which honestly right now I don't want for personal reasons. I found this an odd thing to say but let it go.
We were talking about the movie and the female character who was getting back into dating. He then asked me if I ever wondered what he saw in me on the dating app we met on. More specifically, did I ever wonder what he saw in me and 'all my baggage'? Obviously he meant my kids and my bad experiences with relationships which I'd told him about briefly whilst we were first chatting.

I immediately caught the ick. I was so shocked I didn't really give an answer but it's made me think that he believes I should count myself lucky that a younger man chose me despite my 'baggage'. For context, this man has a child of his own and a bad co parenting relationship with his ex, so really if he thinks what I have is baggage then surely he has the same?

I guess what I'm asking is, am I being unreasonable for feeling really put off and belittled? Like I'm not quite good enough but he picked me anyway? I did like him a lot but after this I feel really weird about him. He's been messaging me as normal and wants another date but I've been giving him short answers and avoiding for the most part. I feel really deflated after plucking up the courage to get back out there.

You dropped him off on the date he didn’t bring his own car the first ick and major red flag. Also the film choice lol

Alan198 · 22/08/2025 18:08

Get rid you deserve better. I married a lady i met online who had 3 children 17 years ago and were still going strong. I didn't see it as baggage or even mentioned it. I fell for her and was happy to take on all that came with her. Me and her now grown up Children are good friends. You sound decent and you can meet a decent fellow even if it's takes a while, don't ever let anyone belittle or put you down it's just not on. All the best.

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