Date asking strange questions

Well that's a bit rude. I would have thought that men are no different than women when it comes to being single. Many single people would like to have a partner, but the idea that women specifically are desperate to find a partner urgently to have children is that part that's rooted in fantasy.

What “evidence” have you seen?

I am a woman.
I have been single post divorce for 6 years
I am very happy and fulfilled and never even got a whiff of feeling judged

My ex
is a man (with whom I remain close friends with)
Also been single for 6 years post divorce
Also very happy and not remotely regarded as a sad case by any of my friends, our mutual friends or indeed I suspect his own friends.

It's a huge generalisation, but I have seen evidence. Women who are happily on their own are seen as scary nutcases, or sad and unattractive. Men on their own are seen as hapless and coping badly, desperate for attention and female help to sort their lives out. In both cases it's seen as a abnormal and looked down on, like we're pathetic if we're not with someone.

I suspect if more of us learnt to be happily on our own we'd be better people, and not be so keen to push ourselves or others into expected roles. It's annoying that society shoves us into coupling-up as soon as possible as the desirable thing.

Hello, l think the over 95% of the poll gives you the answer.

He has red flag written all over him. Sometimes it is better to call it a day and move on.

l know it’s not easy and dating is hard, however the next guy is looking for you, so get back out there and find him.

Take care of you

Agree - generally men are the desperate ones cos they’re shit at being on their own and need a carer partner.
But society tells everyone nonsense and lies to keep up the pitiful spinster impression of single women.

The ick should always be listened to. I’d absolutely love to know the reason for his bad co-parenting relationship.

Negging is so vile and insidious and points towards a deep rooted misogyny where overtime a person is left feeling confused, diminished and essentially being gaslighted.

The fact that he couldn’t help himself on only your third date suggests it’s one of his favourite pastimes and I’m glad for you that you’ll be able to make a swift exit. Rather than ghost or peter out I’d email him and just say you don’t think you’re a good match. If he replies don’t bother responding. Don’t let this put you off dating, you just came across an abuser and thankfully he has shown his colours early.

I think he watches lots of manosphere red pill nonsense. Would love to hear the exes side of the story!

It's good you didn't respond him immediately. The problem with such men is that they're good at evaluating others but not themselves. You can't build any relationship with a person that sees children as a burdain, let alone analyse his mistakes to solve a relationship hardship, that all couples go through. Honestly, he isn't worth even a one night stand.

As for sacrifices they should be equal on both sides.

He gives you the ick. Reason enough to call it off. There are plenty of other men out there and you can take your time meeting a few more and deciding whether any of them are good enough.

Some years out of a long marriage, I am not willing to settle, and don't feel I need to. I've been dating to put myself in the way of opportunity, and because meeting people, hearing their stories, trying new restaurants etc is better than another night in front of the telly.

You may decide (as I seem to have, at least for the time being) that you are better off single, enjoying occasional dates as an evening out and seeing if you feel like meeting again, rather than thinking about each one 'is this my next partner?' I used to be very much half of a couple, now I am a whole, independent person in my own right. I'll share if I find someone I want to share with, but not if he gives me the ick!

This.

Ick central. But tell him why!

This guy is giving "im the prize" vibes and testing your responses. Clearly he has expectations around what he feels he is looking for long term. You can either speak to him about how this has made you feel...really pay attention to his response, defensive or validating? Or duck out now and save yourself weeks, months of investing into someone who is not for you

One word for him
"NARCISSIST"
Weird red flag questions & comments, that give quite an insight to his personality & what he thinks of himself & others.

Time for curtains on that one.

A heads up..
There is a chance his ego won't like being rejected. If I'm right you've had maybe just four dates? thankfully it's early on, so a better chance he could disappear but there's so much more than just the meetings, there's the chatting, messaging etc that all goes to form those bonds & feelings, so I'm going to say depending on where this relationship is emotionally, do be mentally prepared for if he responds negatively, could be name calling & belittling or a little manipulation to try & get you to stay with him, some of that love bombing.
If you do end things, be sure you make it clear & to the point, don't give any room for misinterpretation & then do not respond to him again, whatever he responds with.

He asked if she would give up karate. Women pause many activities during pregnancy, that's different. It's like asking if she has ever considered giving up wine, unpasteurised cheese and handling cat litter - surely an odd way to put it, if you just mean during pregnancy.

It's hard when your on the spot, but in the ideal world when your processing speed is on fire you would ask him

"Do you see your child as baggage and wonder what I saw in your profile?

Then be a politician and not answer his question.

Just reply with "what an insightful question" that confusses most with a insult being taken as a complement

Yes

but you’d also advise your DD the same, and that is what I find odd

I would like him to tell me in his own words "what he thinks of single mothers like me", I want to hear it, details and all.

It's going to be a fun blood fest 😈

@Sparklesandspandexgallore you are fucking kidding me right? I hope you aren’t female but if you are, check your attitude. She has every right to be choosy and having a child does not put anyone at the bottom of the barrel.

You may like to take the risk

but to advise the same if your single mother daughter would be reckless

andyou didn’t say that originally

you suggested to give him benefit of doubt and go on another date with him!!

No, not being unreasonable at all. He sounds like an egotistical, nasty piece of work and potentially controlling with the comment about giving up karate.
A guy I went on a date with a couple of years ago told me I was ‘beyond the usual age for settling down and having kids’ (I was 27) and asked me if I thought it would be possible for me to have a long term relationship in the future seeing as I’d ‘only’ had one long relationship before. He also said horrible things about his ex. Needless to say I didn’t see him again.

I would tell this guy you’re not compatible and block him. You don’t owe him anything after three dates.

Splash! The sound of you throwing him back in the sea 😅

Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus.

It may be that he's really interested in you and trying to get a handle on your views. His comment about your baggage, he could be trying to understand whether you see this as a bit of fun (especially) as he's younger or whether you are see this as a potential serious relationship. His comments about your karate, maybe he's trying to determine whether you are open to kids in the future.

He may be getting way ahead of himself as its only your 3rd date, and really clunky in his approach, but next time he asks what you think is a weird question just ask him 'why do you ask?'.

Then again I could be completely wrong and he's a total weirdo

I've usually dated good folks and lack any sort of drama in the relationship department. I don't have a daughter either but if i had one I would advice her this man has red flags all over and to ask him "what he meant exactly".

I just love to call the BS on people, it's a hobby of mine.

If you can be bothered...challenge him why he said that given he has the same "baggage".
Stand proud, and if you're not feeling it move on.

So the answer is… yes, you would encourage your DD to give this man the benefit of the doubt and go on another date with him.

What is your relationship history like for you to remotely think this would be sensible and in the best interests of your daughter and her children?