To be slightly loving hearing my kids misbehave?

DH had DD for nearly four days just before she turned one, when I had a hen weekend I was socially obligated to attend (he fully agreed, fwiw).

He met me with DD at the station when I returned in the middle of the night, virtually threw her at me then ran down the platform for a wee, then told me he’d only averaged two pees per day whilst I was away and how did I manage? She was such a worryingly obedient baby/toddler, but he was utterly horrified by how hard looking after her and two cats alone was.

He has never, ever again asked me what I do all day, why I haven’t had time to clean or cook!

Just pressing autopilot? Yea ok. If that was the case it wouldn't take a PPL, 13 ATPL exams, an instrument rating, commercial pilot licence, multi engine rating, MCC and upset recovery prevention course, as well as a very decent level of maths and physics, and an intense interview to even get a job, never mind then getting a type rating to fly an A320.

Ask me how I know ...

I've also been a SAHM, years ago. It's way easier.

that's why I love internet, these comments are priceless.

Some of you seem to think flying a plane is terribly hard. It might be if you’re piloting the last plane out of a war zone. Magaluf, not so much.

Staggering, isn't it?!

The husband here has a tool called autopilot he can switch on to literally do his job for him

😂😂

this sentence alone should go in classics

Well I for one have been in charge of small children 🤦‍♀️
The fact you use ‘bless his cotton socks’ tells me I won’t get anywhere replying to you so…..

I also think this type of thinking is problematic. There's absolutely zero win for anyone in this absolutist thinking.

This man has actually done what he's supposed to by acknowledging his wife's labour and encourages her to take some time to herself to prioritise her wellbeing, support her and note all she does. Does it make him a hero? Obviously not - but it does show that he is doing the things, as a husband and father, that he should be.

The example op has given is him saying he'll be the one getting up at stupid o'clock for work which op interprets as undermining. But to me it's ludicrous to pretend that doesn't matter. When I was on maternity I did the vast majority of night wakings because I needed my then husband to perform in work to pay our bills enabling me to have longer off and I also wanted him to be safe to drive there and back. Was it hard and frustrating being the one who had to do it- obviously. But it was the reality of being the one on maternity and the one breastfeeding. Both jobs are important but also carry with them differing levels of risk. I also was able to nap during the day when ds slept if I needed to. You can't take a nap at work. Op has also said these comments are very rare.

All of us on here who have kids manage perfectly well to look after our children (and be on MN at the same time clearly 😂)

I am the first to admit that most of us wouldn't be able to be a pilot.

It makes absolutely no difference if the SAH parent is male or female, and the pilot is the mum or dad. Of course the pilot job is more demanding.

But never mind him being in charge of lives, when the OP is a SAHM 😇😅

I think it's one thing to want your partner to be appreciative of what your day to day looks like (which op states her partner is plus he's come to her off his own bat and encouraged her to take a day to herself from how I've read it) and another to expect them to stay awake or compromise sleep etc when they have a life or death job. Would you be happy being operated on by an exhausted surgeon? Or jumping on a plane with a pilot who's had an hours sleep?

"A special big man job" is actually really misogynistic in this context. There are plenty of women out there who also work hard in life or death jobs where its essential they don't make mistakes who are supported by husband/ partner at home who takes the lead on the kids in order to protect the family income and enable the other persons career to continue.

What needs to happen here is a sit down between op and her dh and an honest look at how responsibilities are divided. But that has to happen in the context of a job that means her dh will need to prioritise sleep and at times won't be available in the way he would be if he did a different job. Another alternative if it's really not working is looking at the types of flights he's doing to see if he can be more available by switching.

I think it's one of the difficult things about being married to a pilot / surgeon / driver or other essential job where you're in control of the wellbeing and safety of others.

Ops job as a SAHM is difficult and intense. So is his. Another option is what can be outsourced utilising the benefit of his salary to make ops life a bit easier on the day to day. Allowing resentment to build and minimising the nature of his job isn't helpful to anyone.

Strange behaviour that you are gloating because your children haven’t been taught how to behave.

his job IS more demanding than hers, no need to patronise the OP pretending otherwise.

It's not about respect, is it

Exactly this.

For all the bleeding hearts who think the OP shouldn't be gloating, this is why she is. He devalues her contribution when her work is just as hard and just as important to society.

And hopefully today he had a teeny glimpse of that.

He himself has told the OP that his job was more demanding than hers, with the implication that hers commanded less respect.

I bet she's seen plenty of the children at 3 am while he slept soundly.

100% this.

The man needs to spend a lot more time in sole charge of his own children and hopefully he'll eat some humble pie as a result.

The bottom line here is that dealing with children all day every day on a daily basis, whether your own or others', is a far harder job than most people who are not sahps believe it to be.

The consolation of dealing with children and getting paid to do so is that you get paid. The frustration there is that you don't get paid anywhere even close to what you deserve.

Tell me you've never spent a day in charge of small children without telling me you've never spent a day in charge of small children.

The husband here has a tool called autopilot he can switch on to literally do his job for him and thought he could combine coffee, laptop time, and minding his children, bless his cotton socks... He even asked one of them what was up with him that day, implying he believes this isn't the child's normal behaviour or the behaviour of children in general.

The OP is having a well deserved moment of schadenfreude. I hope she'll be allowed many more days off so her H can start appreciating her contribution and her frustrations a heck of a lot more.

Possible that teaching and flying a plane are a bit different. Rather quieter in the cockpit!

Ridiculous. I’ve got four kids and I’ve been a sahm; I know how relentless it is. It was still easier than my teaching job.

Im a bit surprised at how many people seem to be blown away by the "pilot" bit. Yes of course it's complex to learn and high level.of responsibility but like any job, you get used to it and it becomes routine. You need clear focus for short burst of time and quite a lot of downtime when you're cruising or in a long haul destination. It's "glamorous" and revered and well paid. I reckon being down a mine is harder and more continuously stressful and dangerous. The OP is probably mildly gratified that her DH is getting an insight into her typical day except that it's a touch harder because he doesn't know all the little trips and triggers ..the fact that he thought he'd get a hot coffee and some browsing by itself is pretty telling in his idea of the OPs day. She had a little chuckle, that's all.

No I believe I said ‘no it’s not a massive favour’ so I haven’t constantly said he’s doing OP a favour. I haven’t said he doesn’t need to look after his kids but he doesn’t need to stay home with them and offer OP the chance of a nice relaxing day, they could both be home looking after the kids… so yes that’s a nice thing to do for someone giving them a day of freedom to do what they like.
My expectations are not low in the slightest I can just appreciate a nice gesture when I see one. However I think your reading comprehension is terribly low. Either read and understand what someone is saying or just don’t bother because you’re adding bits in, assuming etc and making up what’s been said to fit with what you want to be wrote down

Jesus everyone is going a bit hard here, I'm exactly the same, I think it's easy to imagine sah parenting as one long picnic filled with fun crafts, chilling with a tea whilst they play, popping out whenever you want and generally "being off". I absolutely love feeling appreciated and sometimes the kids being t*ats is exactly what's required. Your husband even taking a laptop with him whilst caring for 2 kids that age does highlight he assumes its fairly laid back. Well done kids! Enjoy your bath
Ps - I'm sure you're a lovely partnership, great wife and lovely mum, anyone saying this reflects on the state of your marriage is a bit mad, it's fine to want your partner to appreciate the challenging bits of your day unfiltered. It doesn't mean you secretly hate them.

Silly comparison.
She's not a pilot but he is a father.

no one ever said that was the case - either that his job was more important or that he is waited on
stop making up shit and just read the facts