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AIBU?

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To Encroach On Her Hen Do

33 replies

Charliesunnysky10 · 21/08/2025 11:56

I'm one of 16 ladies in their 40's on a weekend hen do to Seville next month. My daughter A, will turn 19 on the Saturday I'm away, but had been okay with me going, as she will be starting uni and was going to celebrate with our family the weekend before, and go out with her friends the day of her birthday. However, A's plans have changed because 2 of the other girls will be at sports fixture the weekend of her birthday. She goes out with her best friend often and has been on holiday earlier this year with her. They get on well and are nice company.

I had this crazy idea that they could join us on a slightly later flight out, same hotel but obviously different room, and do their own thing - the hotel is in Plaza Nueva so there are lots of shops, bars, sightseeing, restaurants right on the doorstep.

Obviously, I would drop in on her to say Happy Birthday and get her a little gift, but I was thinking they'd eat together, not join us for meals as it's my friends Hen do after all, and although my daughter has given us lifts from places, they don't know her really well, and don't know her friend at all. I thought they could get same flight back as us though.

I asked my daughter in passing if she liked the sound of that, if it were possible. She said she really did, and that both she and her friend would be absolutely fine doing their own thing.

My question is, is a rude to ask Hen if A can kind of be there? Especially as it coincides with A's birthday? Do you think it's detracting from my friends special weekend by my daughter being there with her friend for her birthday? Am I being unreasonable to put my Hen Friend on the spot by asking?

OP posts:
Charliesunnysky10 · 21/08/2025 12:05

WinWhenTheyreSinging · 21/08/2025 12:03

Why on earth wouldn't they book for somewhere else - at least a different hotel, preferably a different city ...

I may be scarred by one friend who would do this with her daughter and we then wouldn't see sight nor sound of her, as she runs her life round her daughter. However, the fact that you would suggest this makes me wonder if you are similar.

I'm glad I posted...I'm not even tempted now 😂

OP posts:
indoorplantqueen · 21/08/2025 12:05

They’re 19. Why can’t they chose somewhere else to go?

WinWhenTheyreSinging · 21/08/2025 12:03

Why on earth wouldn't they book for somewhere else - at least a different hotel, preferably a different city ...

I may be scarred by one friend who would do this with her daughter and we then wouldn't see sight nor sound of her, as she runs her life round her daughter. However, the fact that you would suggest this makes me wonder if you are similar.

Charliesunnysky10 · 21/08/2025 12:03

Soonenough · 21/08/2025 11:58

I would be so annoyed if you tried to hijack my hen do . Your daughter is 19 , not 9 . Let her and her mate sort out their own holiday . Do not do this .

Yes I agree, the more I think about it. However much they are doing their own thing, they are still right there. I think it smacks of me trying to have it all, and making it about me and A, which is not on at all.

OP posts:
LivingDeadGirlUK · 21/08/2025 12:01

I mean she is an adult so its not like you are going to be responsible for her but I would certainly raise an eyebrow. Can't you book them a trip somewhere else? If they are going to do their own thing and not encroach on your friends hen do then they don't need to be at the same place as you, if in reality you do plan to split your time then no I don't think thats fair on your friend at all.

OhDorWheresthesalad · 21/08/2025 12:01

Well anyone can go on holiday wherever they want, whenever they want, but I'd be a bit 🙄 if you got your child to tag along on the sidelines. The fact it's her birthday makes it more of a 'thing' than if she was just going away. I am sure everyone would be polite about it, but would be privately rolling their eyes.

Hfstjsufysyfykdhoxg · 21/08/2025 12:01

Yabu. It'll totally detract from the point of the trip.

Soonenough · 21/08/2025 11:58

I would be so annoyed if you tried to hijack my hen do . Your daughter is 19 , not 9 . Let her and her mate sort out their own holiday . Do not do this .