DP being insensitive about not proposing, or is it me?

Why would you want to be married to such a vile person?

Ffs. He's hardly loves young dream. Get rid.

Fuck almighty, the bar is in hell.

Your DP subscribes to the ‘why buy the cow, when the milk is free‘ train of thought. You’ve had his baby and bought a house together without him needing to marry you. In his mind, he’s got the best of both worlds and is unlikely to want to change that scenario. He’s shown his true colours in admitting to it though, which gives you the opportunity to reassess if you want to be married to someone like that. I wouldn’t.

baby and house before marriage so why would he bother. Your actions don’t suggest marriage is important to either of you.

He sounds awful, a full on misogynistic twat, but if marriage was important to you why did you have a baby first? Marriage was important to me so DH knew there was no way I'd contemplate children without being married first. Completely understand marriage isn't important to some and that's absolutely their choice, but if it is why would you buy a house and have a baby without being married first?

As it stands now, get your ducks in a row this isn't someone you want to be saddled with for life

I’m shocked that you wanted a baby to have half of this absolute slug’s DNA.

(if marriage was important to you, having a baby first completely undermined that.)

I'm sorry but he is not going to marry you. I doubt he will have a change of heart. I recommend putting yourself first in every decision and not to become financially dependent on him. Plan for your own financial future. And don't become his domestic servant because you currently earn less. He wants the place tidy - he can pay for a cleaner, etc.

It’s incredibly depressing thst your response to him being crass and insulting is to think ‘I’m not good enough to marry’ rather than ‘Shit, I accidentally had a baby with Sid the Sexist!’

So, not wife material because you don’t earn enough for him.

I wouldn’t be happy with that myself.

Am sorry you heard that conversation and discovered what vile opinions your partner holds of women. I would say from experience if he has the house, baby and said baby has been given his surname he has all he needs. He does not intend to marry you as his needs and legacy is fulfilled.

You should not have to prove you are worthy of marriage by the financial contribution you give to the household. You have given him a child ffs. That should be more than enough.

The money is just an excuse.
It does not cost that much to get ' married ' in a Registry Office. Can be done in about a month or so.

But a wedding...
well that can be very different.

I honestly don’t have the words. His attitude is so utterly depressing.
If you’ve been together 4 years, have a house and baby, you should be able to have a direct conversation where you make it clear what you want, why and when. If that kind of conversation is not possible or he just continues to faff, just move on. I know that’s hard but honestly these things do not have to be this complicated. I’m minded to say move on anyway because of his attitude but that’s for you to decide. Best wishes.

Grim, disrespectful, crude, sexist.. just urghhh!!

You have a baby and a house with him.

Clearly marriage is not that important to you.

At his big age talking like that, I don’t know, it would really put me off.

You've already agreed to start a family without getting married. Quite bluntly, he has no reason to agree to marry you now. If you were so keen on marriage there should have been a very frank discussion about this before you conceived, or if it was an accident, immediately after. None of this waiting around for a proposal nonsense and agreeing to have his kids with no financial or emotional commitment. Wish women would learn to bloody stand up for themselves and stop letting shit men trample all over them.

And let me guess, your child has his surname?

Awful man. Whether he regards you as 'marriage material' or not is neither here nor there, he should love you and adore you, not rate you as a type of material!
He is contemptible. You and your child deserve so much better.

Aw, he is either 1) not going to marry you or 2) make you wait/beg/plead until he eventually ‘agreed’ and then will forever more hold this over you. Awful.

This is grim.
If you have a daughter, could you imagine someone referring to her in that way. Or a son, raising him to think speaking like that is okay.
The fact you’re even questioning your self worth, particularly after giving this man a child, breaks my heart. You deserve the world OP, never forget that. Don’t let this boyfriend keep you away from your husband.

Why would you even want to be married to a block with an attitude like that towards women. It’s horrific and completely objectifying.
id pack a bag and leave with my baby.

He doesn't want to marry you.

And to be fair if that conversation is typical of how he speaks with his friends then I'm surprised you want to marry him tbh.

Bin him off and find someone worthy of you.

This guy isn't it.

It’s not helpful or supportive to bash the OP for having a baby before marriage. What’s done is done and we as a hive should have her back and give positive advice.

Why are you more concerned with the fact you think he doesn’t think your wife material over his total lack of respect for you by having those types of conversations in front of you?
I’d definitely be more bothered about him talking so disrespectfully in front of me.