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Original poster

To think that those who clutter their homes with things instead of focusing on experiences and connections are compensating for something?

69 replies

BeTaupeLeader · 20/08/2025 15:15

I feel like people who accumulate tons of stuff may be filling a void or trying to make up for something that’s lacking in their life, whether it’s meaningful relationships or personal fulfilment. Experiences and connections are what truly enrich our lives, so why focus on things?

OP posts:
Lambtangine · 20/08/2025 15:51

BeTaupeLeader · 20/08/2025 15:15

I feel like people who accumulate tons of stuff may be filling a void or trying to make up for something that’s lacking in their life, whether it’s meaningful relationships or personal fulfilment. Experiences and connections are what truly enrich our lives, so why focus on things?

I like having things around me. I’m disabled and can’t have experiences any more.

Didshejustsaythatoutloud · 20/08/2025 15:51

jonthebatiste · 20/08/2025 15:18

You clearly have someone specific in mind....go on, this board is anonymous. Feel free to bitch about her to your heart's content.

😂

Original poster
BeTaupeLeader · 20/08/2025 15:50

Sunshineismyfavourite · 20/08/2025 15:44

A friend of mine is a hoarder and cannot find her way to throw anything away. Friends have tried to help her but nothing seems to work. She is an otherwise functioning, intelligent human but I do think there are some mental health issues that allow her to think this is an acceptable way to live: in one room, can't get to her bed, can't cook at home no space in kitchen, no hot water as she won't let anyone in to fix her boiler. This is the extreme I think.

People who purchase, collect and gather things can do it for many reasons, nostalgia, comfort, joy. I don't think it's an instead of having experiences though. Can you not collect lots of things and also have experiences? Bit of a weird comparison to me.

I agree that collecting or owning things doesn’t automatically mean someone’s avoiding life or relationships and you’ve described an extreme example that clearly involves deeper issues. My post was really more about those situations where material accumulation becomes a substitute for connection or meaning, not just a compliment. I’m not anti-stuff at all, I just think there’s a tipping point where it starts to say something about what someone might be missing emotionally.

OP posts:
DeirdreChambersWhatACoincidence · 20/08/2025 15:50

I do both.

Poltroon · 20/08/2025 15:50

BeTaupeLeader · 20/08/2025 15:25

It doesn’t have to be either/or. My post was more about extremes, when there’s an overwhelming focus on stuff and very little investment in meaningful relationships or relationships. That’s when I start to wonder what’s really going on underneath.

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Sure, OP, Cosimo de Medici should have focused on day trips and making cookies with the kids rather than commissioning and buying stuff.

ginasevern · 20/08/2025 15:48

I still don't get your point. Some people are mad about horses and horse riding, so that's what gives them fulfilment and enormous pleasure. Should they give up their dream hobby to spread themselves more thinly? Should they prioritise a man or visit Thailand instead?

WonderingWanda · 20/08/2025 15:46

BeTaupeLeader · 20/08/2025 15:25

It doesn’t have to be either/or. My post was more about extremes, when there’s an overwhelming focus on stuff and very little investment in meaningful relationships or relationships. That’s when I start to wonder what’s really going on underneath.

Show quote history

Well if you are talking about hoarders or shopping addicts who are dealing with past trauma or seeking an easy dopamine hit to escape from some other dysfunctional element in their lives then I'm sure life would be a much richer experience for those people to go and have other experiences and make connections but mental health conditions like anxiety and depression hold them back.....otherwise they would be doing it already.

As for everyone else, you are being incredibly judgmental to assume that people who take pride in their homes and want nice possessions or decor are some sort of vacuous idiots incapable of connections or experiences. What has prompted this view? I have a nice house, it has nice furniture, I think about my decor carefully and I enjoy hosting my friends and family in it. We have a lot of stuff in our house from our various hobbies including a variety of sports, crafts and cooking.

parakeet · 20/08/2025 15:45

BeTaupeLeader · 20/08/2025 15:31

I do like exploring perspectives that don’t always get airtime, even if they ruffle feathers. I guess we’re all missing something in some way, aren’t we?

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Yes, it's so rarely voiced that relationships are what bring happiness, rather than material possessions. What piercing insight! (Not...)

Sunshineismyfavourite · 20/08/2025 15:44

A friend of mine is a hoarder and cannot find her way to throw anything away. Friends have tried to help her but nothing seems to work. She is an otherwise functioning, intelligent human but I do think there are some mental health issues that allow her to think this is an acceptable way to live: in one room, can't get to her bed, can't cook at home no space in kitchen, no hot water as she won't let anyone in to fix her boiler. This is the extreme I think.

People who purchase, collect and gather things can do it for many reasons, nostalgia, comfort, joy. I don't think it's an instead of having experiences though. Can you not collect lots of things and also have experiences? Bit of a weird comparison to me.

ClareBlue · 20/08/2025 15:44

If filling your house with wooden goats makes someone happy, then leave me them alone. It doesn't harm anyone if people like filling their safe place with things they like or gives them some pleasure. It's not some deep psychological message. Some people just like it.

Arran2024 · 20/08/2025 15:39

My daughter buys so much stuff, her bedroom is overwhelmed with stuff. She is 27 and is adopted - she had a very hard start in life, finds relationshipswith people difficult. She has autism and learning disabilities. So yeah, she compensates with stuff, so what? At least she is contributing to the economy and it keeps her happy.

Original poster
BeTaupeLeader · 20/08/2025 15:39

GasPanic · 20/08/2025 15:31

Why wonder about that ?

What about people who spend their whole lives focussing on pets ?

There are whole threads on here about people who don't want relationships because supposedly all men are crap.

Some people find the rest of the world (meaning people) irritating.

I have some sympathy with that.

A psycho-analyser might wonder why people spend so much time focussing on other peoples lives rather than being more concerned with their own.

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I think we’re all driven by different needs and frustrations. I’m not saying there’s one right way to live, just that when I see a very lopsided focus (on stuff, pets, or anything else), I sometimes wonder if it’s compensating for something unspoken. We all cope and connect in different ways, this was more of a reflection than a judgement.

OP posts:
Sirzy · 20/08/2025 15:39

On the other hand a lot of people use experiences and “making memories” as a way to make them look better for social media! I think often the pressure to do things, especially when you have children, can be massive and a problem in itself.

People should live their lives in a way that makes them happy and try not to worry about what others think of it.

Gowlett · 20/08/2025 15:36

I have too much stuff.
It’s because I like shopping.

Original poster
BeTaupeLeader · 20/08/2025 15:36

StrikeandRobinlol · 20/08/2025 15:29

Are you talking about hoarders? I mean before throw-away plastics, everyone did this in case they needed it in future… it was a lot less wasteful too

Not really talking about hoarding or pre-consumer habits, more the modern impulse to accumulate for comfort or identity. I do think there’s a difference between keeping things with purpose and filling space as a distraction. That’s the line I’m exploring.

OP posts:
Mewling · 20/08/2025 15:34

Cloudymonday · 20/08/2025 15:32

Like when someone is compensating for lower visits and engagement by cluttering MN with questionable "to think" posts instead of letting users have natural forum experience...

Exactly this. Maybe go outside and touch some grass? Meet some people? Have some experiences of your own?

Original poster
BeTaupeLeader · 20/08/2025 15:33

TheWiseAmethyst · 20/08/2025 15:25

What about people who clutter their lives with experiences and people and live in depressing minimalist homes where you dare not put a cup down as it looks untidy?

I think any extreme can be a kind of avoidance. Minimalism can be aesthetic or emotional detachment just as clutter can be compensation. It’s the ‘why’ behind it that interests me.

OP posts:
Cloudymonday · 20/08/2025 15:32

Like when someone is compensating for lower visits and engagement by cluttering MN with questionable "to think" posts instead of letting users have natural forum experience...

Original poster
BeTaupeLeader · 20/08/2025 15:31

SoScarletItWas · 20/08/2025 15:25

I feel like you start multiple ‘controversial statement’ threads for reasons that I just can’t fathom, but here we are. I wonder what you’re missing?

I do like exploring perspectives that don’t always get airtime, even if they ruffle feathers. I guess we’re all missing something in some way, aren’t we?

OP posts:
GasPanic · 20/08/2025 15:31

BeTaupeLeader · 20/08/2025 15:25

It doesn’t have to be either/or. My post was more about extremes, when there’s an overwhelming focus on stuff and very little investment in meaningful relationships or relationships. That’s when I start to wonder what’s really going on underneath.

Show quote history

Why wonder about that ?

What about people who spend their whole lives focussing on pets ?

There are whole threads on here about people who don't want relationships because supposedly all men are crap.

Some people find the rest of the world (meaning people) irritating.

I have some sympathy with that.

A psycho-analyser might wonder why people spend so much time focussing on other peoples lives rather than being more concerned with their own.

RainbowZebraWarrior · 20/08/2025 15:30

TheWiseAmethyst · 20/08/2025 15:25

What about people who clutter their lives with experiences and people and live in depressing minimalist homes where you dare not put a cup down as it looks untidy?

Brilliant reposne.

I think the OP is written in a really condescending tone. Some people are different and do different things. Some people collect things. For pleasure. For comfort. Sure, some people will also fall into the hoarding category. Still doesn't actually affect you, OP.

The OP really reminds me of an annoying bloke I know who posts "People Not Things" on social media all the time like some kind of sanctimonious mantra. At least he did a few years ago. I unfollowed the insufferable twat a while back.

StrikeandRobinlol · 20/08/2025 15:29

Are you talking about hoarders? I mean before throw-away plastics, everyone did this in case they needed it in future… it was a lot less wasteful too

Original poster
BeTaupeLeader · 20/08/2025 15:28

5foot5 · 20/08/2025 15:22

Well surely it depends on what those things are and what they are for?

Some possessions might be important to support a hobby or some other interest or passion.

What about books?

Both of the above can enrich our lives.

Also some people who travel and have experiences might bring back things which are special to them and remind them if those experiences. The same can be said of relationships. Items that remind you of a deceased loved one can be special.

I think you have a narrow view on what can make a person feel fulfilled.

Edited

I’m not saying all possessions are meaningful or shallow. I get that items can hold emotional or symbolic value, especially when tied to hobbies or memories. My point was more about excessive accumulation or the kind of “stuff for the sake of stuff” mindset that can sometimes be a stand-in for deeper fulfilment. But yes, you’re right, it’s not black and white.

OP posts:
Original poster
BeTaupeLeader · 20/08/2025 15:26

Screamingabdabz · 20/08/2025 15:20

I think that’s true of a lot - pets, gambling, extreme exercise, obsessive hobbies, overeating, workaholic tendencies, porn addiction etc etc. We all want connection and ‘experiences’ but if you can’t get that at Argos or Tesco, what do you do? 🤷🏻‍♀️ I’m sorry but you’re kinda stating the bleedin’ obvious.

It’s obvious to some but I don’t think we talk about it enough. I just find it interesting how often we overlook these coping mechanisms and normalise them, especially when they’re socially acceptable (like constant shopping). It’s not a dig, just an observation.

OP posts:
MidnightPatrol · 20/08/2025 15:26

I just don’t think they see it, or see it as an issue.

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