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Original poster

To call out a man for barging into me?

183 replies

Giraffe007 · 20/08/2025 14:45

Walking in to a supermarket, wide entrance, plenty of room, a man clearly in a hurry, walking fast, barged into me, knocking my shoulder hard.

Was I being unreasonable to shout after him "what's the problem? Entrance not wide enough for you? I was with my teenage son, who was mortified, not a the man's rudeness, but at me calling him out for it. BTW, the man ignored me, but a a middle aged woman, I'm used to being ignored.

OP posts:
Absentmindedsmile · 20/08/2025 16:48

ComeTheMoment · 20/08/2025 16:46

Butsukari or no Butsukari, gendered violence or not, one human barged into another. This was unacceptable and deserved to be called out.

That is indeed what I highlighted.

ErrolTheDragon · 20/08/2025 16:47

YANBU.
and even if the man didn’t realise how unacceptably he’d behaved, maybe on reflection the OPs DS will realise it’s not ok to barge into people and that it’s actually fine for the person on the receiving end to complain.

ComeTheMoment · 20/08/2025 16:46

Butsukari or no Butsukari, gendered violence or not, one human barged into another. This was unacceptable and deserved to be called out.

EmeraldShamrock000 · 20/08/2025 16:46

It's a shame you didn't stick your foot out as he was barging towards you.
My DC would be embarrassed by me shouting too, I wouldn't care.

bumblebramble · 20/08/2025 16:43

I’m not from the UK but I’ve noticed this when we were traveling there this summer. I’m a small, slight woman and have had to dodge 6ft6 men bulldozing straight at me. It’s really shocking.

I haven’t experienced similar in Germany, France, Netherlands, Ireland, Denmark or Belgium - just that normal, polite making way for each other and occasionally the pavement dance when both parties give way in the same direction.

Returnofjude · 20/08/2025 16:40

Absentmindedsmile · 20/08/2025 16:28

Good for you

Show quote history

Cheers

Absentmindedsmile · 20/08/2025 16:31

‘Some argue that we shouldn’t be so quick to assume intent. That there’s a danger in mischaracterising clumsiness or haste as malice. But we must ask: why is preserving the innocence of men more urgent than acknowledging the harm experienced by women?

Of course, naming carries risk. It can be misused, stretched beyond intent, or dismissed as an overreaction.

But that risk must be weighed against the long history of women being ignored, especially when the harm is ambiguous or inconvenient to acknowledge’

Absentmindedsmile · 20/08/2025 16:28

Returnofjude · 20/08/2025 16:26

I don’t automatically believe or disbelieve anyone on the basis of their sex

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Good for you

Paganpentacle · 20/08/2025 16:28

Returnofjude · 20/08/2025 16:13

I am a woman

Chances are I wouldn’t have seen the barging but instead a woman shouting “what is your problem?” And thought that either she’s having a beef with someone in the parking lot or the security guard has told her to leave!

Show quote history

Why?
Do you always judge women negatively?

Returnofjude · 20/08/2025 16:26

Absentmindedsmile · 20/08/2025 16:25

‘So, the next time a woman says she was pushed or slammed on purpose, believe her.

Don’t ask if she’s sure. Call it butsukari. Add it to the growing ledger of public violence against women.

Because once we name it, we can confront it. And perhaps, in time, we can stop it.’

I don’t automatically believe or disbelieve anyone on the basis of their sex

Absentmindedsmile · 20/08/2025 16:25

‘So, the next time a woman says she was pushed or slammed on purpose, believe her.

Don’t ask if she’s sure. Call it butsukari. Add it to the growing ledger of public violence against women.

Because once we name it, we can confront it. And perhaps, in time, we can stop it.’

Absentmindedsmile · 20/08/2025 16:23

https://thenewfeminist.co.uk/2025/05/what-is-butsukari-women-are-speaking-out-about-being-shoved-by-strangers/?amp=1

Another replied with similar scepticism: “A man bumped into me in Sainsbury’s yesterday. I didn’t stop to ask if he was an incel, so I can’t claim to be a victim of this ‘worrying trend’.”

Here lies the crux of the issue: plausible deniability.

Butsukari thrives in the grey area between evidence and interpretation, where the moment is too fast, too casual, and too easy to dismiss.

While these men are technically right – not every bump is butsukari – the refusal to believe anymight be reveals something deeper. That hesitation, that instinct to doubt until met with incontrovertible proof, is itself part of the violence.

It shifts the burden of clarity onto those most destabilised by the act, reinforcing the notion that unless a woman is bruised, broken, or bleeding, she must be exaggerating.

What is Butsukari? Women are speaking out about being shoved by strangers - The New Feminist

What is butsukari? Women say they’re being deliberately shoved by men in public in a disturbing new form of street harassment.

https://thenewfeminist.co.uk/2025/05/what-is-butsukari-women-are-speaking-out-about-being-shoved-by-strangers/?amp=1

myplace · 20/08/2025 16:16

Get a better phrase, people are apparently inclined to think you are the issue judging by this thread.

Look where you’re going!
Ow! That hurt!

FanofLeaves · 20/08/2025 16:14

Toomanywaterbottles · 20/08/2025 15:02

You were right to call him out but what you actually said was rude and really passive aggressive.

I’d have added ‘twat’ or ‘wanker’ onto the end personally. Then there’s nothing ‘passive’ about it. Not that there was anything wrong with what the OP said in the first place.

Returnofjude · 20/08/2025 16:13

Paganpentacle · 20/08/2025 16:10

Its the only fucking way.
Is she supposed to be polite about it??
That's why women are walked over and ignored.... don't contribute to it.,

Show quote history

I am a woman

Chances are I wouldn’t have seen the barging but instead a woman shouting “what is your problem?” And thought that either she’s having a beef with someone in the parking lot or the security guard has told her to leave!

Paganpentacle · 20/08/2025 16:10

Toomanywaterbottles · 20/08/2025 15:02

You were right to call him out but what you actually said was rude and really passive aggressive.

Its the only fucking way.
Is she supposed to be polite about it??
That's why women are walked over and ignored.... don't contribute to it.,

Paganpentacle · 20/08/2025 16:09

Giraffe007 · 20/08/2025 14:58

There is a difference between being on a crowded Tube/Underground station and in an entrance way with plenty of space though. So I should just humbly accept being barged into? No thank you. And so what if people turn to look at me? Then they will also be looking at him too.

Show quote history

Shout it out sister ... don't tolerate it.

NotSmallButFunSize · 20/08/2025 15:32

Toomanywaterbottles · 20/08/2025 15:02

You were right to call him out but what you actually said was rude and really passive aggressive.

Who fucking cares?!

He was a rude, actually aggressive dick!

delightfulmusic · 20/08/2025 15:27

Hohumhuee · 20/08/2025 15:05

I read/saw a thing about how women are primed to move out the way of men just keep walking, I wasn’t sure that was true to I tested it and by just being more aware and if I was walking in the same line as an oncoming man I stopped automatically stepping aside and they did collide with me. I was really surprised. They all seemed like perfectly pleasant men as well, and looked genuinely perplexed by how we had come to walk into each other, so maybe there is something in it.

Yes I’ve heard of this and told Dh who thought it was nonsense until I proved it to him by walking in a straight line while not moving out of men’s path.
He soon wanted me to “behave normally” when I was inevitably colliding left right and centre with these poor confused men.

Returnofjude · 20/08/2025 15:19

Screamingabdabz · 20/08/2025 15:15

I admire your restraint. I would’ve shouted something far less polite. I’m more shocked however, at your teenage son upholding the partriachal norms that women should know their place. Maybe he needs a stern word too.

Oh don’t be daft

He’s a teen boy. He will be existing within an almost permanent state of embarrassment!

Idontjetwashthefucker · 20/08/2025 15:17

Toomanywaterbottles · 20/08/2025 15:02

You were right to call him out but what you actually said was rude and really passive aggressive.

Yeah, she was the fucking rude one!

Screamingabdabz · 20/08/2025 15:15

I admire your restraint. I would’ve shouted something far less polite. I’m more shocked however, at your teenage son upholding the partriachal norms that women should know their place. Maybe he needs a stern word too.

LoudlyProudlyHorrid · 20/08/2025 15:07

It sounds like you were hurt if he knocked your shoulder hard? That's what I would have said.

Murdoch1949 · 20/08/2025 15:07

Good for you. We need to call out such rude behaviour. I would have been knocked over by a barge like that.