You cio or your child wakes up forever

Sleep really varies from child to child—there’s no one-size-fits-all approach. Everyone has different needs, and I think I’ve just been fortunate. My firstborn eventually learned to settle himself (and that hopefully will stick), and while we never did bedsharing, I always breastfed and put him back down once he was deeply asleep. By around 18 months, sleep was mostly sorted—aside from the usual disruptions like teething, illness, or travel, which seem pretty reasonable.

It would be easy to claim I found the magic formula and that sleep training is unnecessary, but honestly, I suspect I just lucked out with a child whose temperament made things easier. I’m not sure how I would’ve managed if things had been different!

It’s motherly instinct to hate hearing your child cry and when they are small it is normal to want to pick them up and comfort them but you do have to teach independence too xx

It’s motherly instinct to hate hearing your child cry and when they are small it is normal to want to pick them up and comfort them but you do have to teach independence too xx

We went for short term pain long term gain.

Sleep training isnt one and done though... you need to revisit it periodically.
Overall less distressing for everyone

I hope I don’t get jumped on for this because I know it’s come from a place of love and care but my friends child was like this and I personally felt like she pandered to her child TOO much which fed the anxiety of mummy not being there.

I can’t comment on the SEN part as I’m not educated in that department and wouldn’t want to give advice on that

I know I sound mean but
by rushing to your child’s side every time they cry cuddling, hugging, not encouraging independence in their sleep you end up being the reason they wake constantly wondering where mummy is.

I’m not talking about letting a 3 month old cry for 2 hours I’m talking about helping a child over the age of 1 for healthy sleep habits and independence, a 2 year old and 6 year old are old enough to be told “you are going to sleep in your big boy / girl room from tonight”

We did similar. Left our nearly 3yr old for a minute or two while I went downstairs to get something “I’ll be back in one minute, just need to pop downstairs” followed by “I need to get the washing in from outside but I’ll be back in 5 mins” and just expanded that out. She’s 6 now and we say goodnight at 7 and don’t see her until the next morning (unless there’s an issue like illness of course).

We never sleep trained but by 14m was fairly consistently sleeping through without waking us unless poorly or teething. We night weaned by sending dad in to cuddle back to sleep. When he dropped to one nap he was knackered so slept through and bedtime cuddle took 5mins. Now he's 2.5 and is back to waking once or twice a night but we attribute this to him soon needing to drop his nap as he's not tired at bedtime either. I had success with not trying to hope for too much sleep (10-11hrs overnight rather than 12, which is still the average). As far as I can see sleep training has many forms and none of them are found to cause harm, it just wasn't for us as I personally couldn't cope with the crying and would find it ups3tting. Once they're a toddler leaving to cry is not recommended anyway, gradual retreat approaches are the norm but take longer and still involve crying.

I think letting a baby cry it out and putting in boundaries with older kids so you don’t go mad are two very different things.

By cuddling him ti sleep ever night, you are just feeding his anxiety about being left alone. That doesn’t mean that you should just close the door and leave him screaming. Introduce the idea of him going to sleep by himself, set a date and start moving away from the bed each night. I used to come in and out the door putting clothes away for a while. But even if you start by holding his hand and then moving to a chair the next night ect….

Same with the two year old. If you cuddle them to sleep and then once she lightly wakes up she realises you are not there and cry’s out for you.

I found these projector lights really useful to encourage independent going to sleep at that age.

I'd sleep train....in fact I did sleep train. I saw it as marginally preferable to me losing my sanity.

People say it's "demonic" to let your child cry but don't acknowledge it's "demonic" to not provide your child with the ability to sleep healthily.

If a child wanted ice cream for dinner every night and cried until they got it, would those people say it's "demonic" to let them cry? No.

There's a difference between dumping a newborn to cry for hours on end and explaining to a 3+ year old child that they're going to bed and staying in bed - much like there's a difference between not allowing a hungry newborn more milk because it doesn't fit your personal schedule compared with not allowing a 4yo to eat nothing but sugar...

Personally I found two nights of controlled crying to be overall far less distressing for my DD than ongoing sleeplessness and upset. The alternative was in and out of bed and usually ended up with crying anyway until she eventually exhausted herself and fell asleep. I also think the ability to sleep well is a really important skill for your whole life, not just during early childhood.