Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to make my adult son’s lunchbox?

166 replies

wheretoyougonow · 20/08/2025 11:37

Normally I wouldn’t be doing this for him but just interested to know if you think I’m BU by doing this in these circumstances. I am going to bullet point my reasons for ease of reading.

~ I’m disabled and can not contribute to the household as I used to. On my son's days off he is very good at helping with housework/cooking.
~ My son has lived away at uni so I know he can be independent. He doesn’t expect this as standard but is grateful.
~ He is working 12 hour shifts and is on his feet all day. He comes home and wakes up shattered.

I suppose it makes me think I’m doing something nice for him as he does so much for me but am I mothering him
too much?

OP posts:
Original poster
wheretoyougonow · 20/08/2025 11:53

Thank you for such lovely responses. I just imagine the eye rolls if people knew but I obviously wouldn’t be doing this if our situation was different.
@JDM625 he’s so chilled he will go with whatever. We both have similar food tastes so I don’t think it’s a problem. He will say (nicely) if it’s something he’s not keen on.

OP posts:
murasaki · 20/08/2025 11:52

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

And then he'll do housework on his days off as he is at present, it all sounds fine.

ThisAquaWriter · 20/08/2025 11:50

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

SunnyD4ys · 20/08/2025 11:50

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

So by that logic no one would ever help anyone else. Have you never done something for another adult?

Of course you can do it, you don't need permission

Livingthebestlife · 20/08/2025 11:49

That is so nice, you both sound really kind and caring.

MzMJ · 20/08/2025 11:48

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Shes an adult and can make her own meals and clean her house but OP said he does it for her on the days he is there, so it works both ways.

It's part of being a family.

tryingtobesogood · 20/08/2025 11:47

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

He can, but that's not the point

JDM625 · 20/08/2025 11:47

You obviously need to ask him! If he is fine with it, then it sounds great.

Will you make a random thing up each day or ask him beforehand what he wants?

ThisAquaWriter · 20/08/2025 11:46

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

tryingtobesogood · 20/08/2025 11:46

What a lovely kind thing to do for your son, it sounds like the two of you are both lovely people.

OopsNoHoliday · 20/08/2025 11:45

of course that’s a lovely thing t do if he’s happy

Bitzee · 20/08/2025 11:44

He’s gone to uni, works hard doing 12 hour shifts and helps out his disabled mum- sounds like a lovely and capable young man that has been raised well! Making him a lunchbox is not going to transform him into a useless layabout. Carry on as you are!

JulietSierra · 20/08/2025 11:42

It’s nice to do kind things for people you love, of course you aren’t being unreasonable

Whatareyoutalkingaboutnow · 20/08/2025 11:41

You're doing a nice thing and he appreciates it. All good.

BeaLola · 20/08/2025 11:41

First answer nails it

I think you both sound lovely people

murasaki · 20/08/2025 11:40

You don't mind doing it, he works hard both out of the house and in it, I'm sure he appreciates it, crack on if you are both happy.