AIBU to make my adult son’s lunchbox?

You seem rather triggered yourself 🫢😂

Do you have any reading skills at all? Context is all! Mum is disabled, son helps her a lot around the house; this is one small thing it is easy for her to do for him. It is reciprocal kindness!

I happily made lunches for everyone of any age in my house who needed one. BUT. They all contributed to the running of our family community according to their age and ability. They didn’t take it for granted. It fit easily into my working day. They would capably and willingly do it themselves if it wasn’t convenient for me. It made me happy.

Given that her son does the bulk of the housework the Op is hardly a slave to her family either...

Oh dear "triggered women" what misogynistic thing to say, I also have adult children with jobs houses and even partners I don't think me making them dinner or lunch when they lived here as young adults affected their independence, I assume you didn't do any of that for your young adult children which is fine that doesn't mean other mothers are weak or triggered for being nice to their children.

Things made with love are the best ... even a packed lunch!

Households of adults, even unrelated adults but especially related ones, split chores in different ways. Doing something you can do easily and without trouble and getting reciprocal help with other tasks is a completely different scenario from saying “bunnykins is a precious prince so mummykins makes the sandwiches and if bunnykins gets married he will need to be waited upon”. Some people will forever think that children young adults are literally incapable of doing things if they aren’t constantly doing them. It’s bizarre. Of course he can make his own lunch. I can empty my own bins and wash my own windows but I often dump it on one of the other members of the household. I do most of the laundry and cooking but almost none of the washing up, dishwasher emptying or vacuuming. Nobody would ever comment that I, an older woman, should do absolutely everything in my household as I am an adult and capable but it’s open season on anyone aged approx 12-28.

As long as it does not become a default expectation, then fine. Your son if he struggles with 12 hours shifts (which I think should be an exception) should be seeking another job if at all possible.

It sounds perfectly reasonable.

Letting children sort their own lunchboxes is a good way to hand over some responsibility to them. Your son is a responsible adult and you both know it, you are happy with the work he contributes to the household. He doesn't need to demonstrate his adultness by preparing his own lunchbox, as a group of adults can divide the house work as it works for you.

I put some leftover curry in a tupperware box for DP yesterday, I didn't realise I was mothering and infantilising him.

The OP's son pulls his weight in the house, it's all good.

🤣

You sound a really sour person I doubt that there are many grown men in your life

😂 ok !

I think it's lovely. We all show love in different ways.

how is it any different to making someone dinner? The OPs son helps her out and she helps him out. That is surely the essence of family life? They are a team.

Actually I've remembered that my ex used to make my packed lunch for a period of time as he was an early riser and I was sorting out young children before work.

Is that OK by you or is it only a problem if the it's a woman making the lunch, what if it was her daughter?

That’s how I see it.

By reading some of the threads on here, all adults in the house should be doing their own washing, cleaning and cooking.

There are 4 adults (me, dh and two over 18 children) and our 2 younger children in my house, I cannot imagine the carnage that would create. I really, really don’t feel like some sort of martyr because I pick up the dirty washing basket from the bathroom each morning and sling it in the washing machine, then sling it in the dryer. It takes seconds. If everyone did their own washing, it would be on all
the bloody time for little bits, there would be washing baskets all over the house.

Same with cooking, dh is the cook and he will do one big meal for everyone for dinner, if you aren’t in, yours goes in the fridge for later. Everything gets put in the dishwasher throughout the day and it goes on at night and dh unloads while he’s pottering about making coffee for work in the mornings.

Life is far simpler this way. We are a family, not flatmates. We do things the easiest and less messy way.

Exactly this. Being part of a family is reciprocal care for each other surely- can you imagine what kind of bloody miserable existence it would be if everyone in the house only ever did things for themselves. They only made their own separate dinners, only cleaned up the parts of the house that they used, only did their own laundry, only made their side of the bed and left the other side messy 😂😂. petty AF

Not at all and even grown up independent children like and deserve a bit of mothering and your son sounds like he fits the bill

@ThisAquaWriter

Don't be ridiculous. Relationships are about teamwork. You help each other. He does the things his Mum can't do, she does things he can do but she can also do so he isn't doing everything. Dividing jobs.