AIBU to make my adult son’s lunchbox?

That is a shit job. So DP does it. 🤣

I've got up at stupid o'clock to clear the ice off my sons car window and warm the car up for him many times.

He was working 50 hours a week to save for uni and he was at college full time, it's nice to be nice just because you can sometimes.

Who would hoover the stairs??? 🤣🤣🤣

This.

Yup.

I’ve taken that approach to everything with my children. I’ve been told so many times over the past 23 years how my children will never learn to be independent because I am/was always there, the things I have done for them.

Well, if I told you what my two eldest have done/are doing in life for jobs, your hair would turn white. That “mollycoddling” as I have been told it was, has created two people, so far, who are extremely confident and independent, and who have gone out into the word and done things that most people wouldn’t have the guts to do. I WISH they were less independent and confident at times, I wouldn’t be a ball of anxiety.

I am very glad my 23 year old is currently at home to make a packed lunch for at the moment to be honest.

I think this is a lovely thing to do.

I quite often do things for my family that they are perfectly capable of, and see it as an ‘acts of service’ kind of love language gesture.

my wife loves it when I make her a lunchbox, as do my kids. I also like making overnight oats for us all.

I also like it when my kids make me a cup of tea when I’m sat ant my desk working, and when my wife hoovers my car for me. I can do these things for myself but I value the care it shows.

it’s nice to be nice, and you are modelling kindness to your son (who sounds a very lovely young man) 🙂

If he was demanding this or huffing if you didn’t make his lunch then that would be a totally different situation.

I am obviously not coming a man in his 20s making his own lunch, but you can’t put a price on feeling loved and cared for. That to me breeds more independence than parents having the attitude of “you are a certain age now, I’m doing nothing for you.

You are correct. Psychological studies actually show that feeling loved and cared for fosters greater independence rather than hinder it. It's due to developing a secure attachment and therefore feeling comfortable taking more risks in life and reduces general anxiety

I think it comes under the heading of nice things we do for people we love, and there's no reason at all not to do it if it makes you both happy.

I happily make a lunch box for anyone who needs one because they've got a long day or a long journey ahead of them, its one less task for them to do when they are busy or tired. I've done it for My dad, my sister, my grown up kids, my DBIL when they've been staying with me and have a long drive ahead of them. It lets them lie in an extra 15 minutes before they set off. I'd definitely do it for any one in my household who was working long shifts.

I think you're doing it for yourself as much as for him, as it feels good to be useful and contribute. This isn't mollycoddling your son or hindering his growth and progress; this is a mum treating her son and making both of you happy. Go for it!
I don't know your situation, but for what it's worth I think at a certain point in time most mums feel a bit redundant and like they'd like to do more or feel more useful, don't feel like it's just you in your circumstances. It sounds like you've got a lovely set up with give and take and lots of love xx

I work in events, and I have some full-on jobs when it comes to the actual events, I’m barely home. My mum has been known to hand me a wrapped sandwich she’s done for me, when she comes to collect DS. I like it. It’s a way of showing love.

You have a reciprocal relationship, he is otherwise self sufficient on that basis i think

"Awww... this is nice"

When I graduated for the first couple of months my mum would make me dinner as I was just knackered I still remember it fondly ot was a really kind thing she did for me 💕

It’s only ever an issue when women do it for men.

My DH often makes me a sandwich to take to work. Is he BU?

I know a couple of families who want their children to do everything themselves from a young age.

One of my 11 year olds friends has to do everything for herself, she is responsible for her own washing, packed lunches, breakfasts, some cleaning in the house.

While yeah, I get the whole independence thing, it just seems so fucking joyless. You have a whole life ahead of your where you have to do stuff. It’s not going to kill anyone to just be looked after and enjoy being carefree when you are young.

I have a slightly different view point though as I just had to do everything myself from a young age.
my mum was very ill from when I was 8 and my dad had to work double shifts so we could keep our house as she had been the higher earner. She died a few years later and he had a breakdown as well as having to keep on working all the hours he could. We had no one else, so I had to keep a home running from the age of 11, or we would have lived in squalor and never eaten. It didn’t make me independent - it just made me miserable.

I am obviously not coming a man in his 20s making his own lunch, but you can’t put a price on feeling loved and cared for. That to me breeds more independence than parents having the attitude of “you are a certain age now, I’m doing nothing for you.”

You're both helping each other and helping the household.

I see your post was deleted while I was typing @ThisAquaWriter

I don't really know what triggered means but why do you equate doing something for another adult as being a slave?

And why would having your lunch made occasionally make one automatically incapable of doing it oneself?

I find that quite a sad viewpoint

Sounds lovely. My teenage sons have gone away for a few days and I've totally deep cleaned their rooms as a surprise for them. They're fab kids and often do things like washing the dishes without being asked or making me an unexpected cuppa. Families are give and take, sounds like yous have made a nice balance. So long as no one takes the piss or makes it all a one way street, it's good to help eachother.

I used to do both my DS’s lunch boxes as well as DH, I now only do DS’s I do have the time, but at least twice a week I get him a salad or a ready made sandwich he is very appreciative and tells me just to let him know if I no longer want to carry on doing so and he will buy his lunch en route.

I’m a 36 year old teacher, and whenever I go to my mums for Sunday lunch, she always makes me a packed lunch to take to work the next day!

My Mum always loved making packed lunches. She made me them well into my adulthood when I visited by train. Cheese and pickle sandwiches with the crusts cut off and other little treats. I miss them. Actually I think I have been triggered by this thread.

Families help each other out. It's lovely.

Lol whenever I go home my mum makes my packed lunch for the train! Same as she made me for school - Ham and cheese salad sandwich, Jam sandwich (pudding), fruit and a juice. I think it’s really sweet.

He is working 12 hours, he is cleaning the house on his days off, he is contributing and by the sounds of it really helping you with stuff you can’t do - I think it’s fine for you to make him a lunch. I doubt he will “expect it” from his future partner, but to be honest when my DH did 12 hour shifts I used to pack him lunch because I know how shit a 12 hour shift is - it’s nice to have a lunch packed. Saves you money and also (for me anyway) makes me feel like someone cares.

You do know it’s not just women, right?

My dh does the cooking and cleaning too, it’s not just me. He also makes dinner for our two adult children (he cooks for all of us). He will also put the washing in if he gets to it before me, cleans, and shock horror, he will also make my 23 year old ds lunch for work.

It’s just being a family, not just being a woman.

Sound similar to my son really. Currently on a work placement with uni has been for a year. Back to uni for final year next month.
My DS leaves home 7.20am returns 8pmish.
I have been doing all his washing and cooking during the week as he too is exhausted. After long days. At weekend he sorts himself out. It is normal for mums to mother isn't it! My son would do errands for me or whatever I ask really. We should be proud we have brought up decent men.