Going out with son without me

YABVU
Don’t ruin their lovely day out. Your DC will love it and it will be very healthy and educational for them.

You really need to prioritise getting help with your strange phobia.

Nothing weird, thoughtless, strange or unkind about it, he didn't book her a ticket and try to make her go.

And anyway sounds like the plan for the farm was made after she said she didn't want to go to meet the friend and child.

But your partner knows you have a phobia of animals, right?

And he still okay’d the purchase of tickets to the farm knowing you’d really hate it?

That is weird. And thoughtless. “Yes it’s fine. My wife hates animals so let’s go somewhere with her son where there are lots of animals.”

I think you are right to object. You are being left out. What a strange and unkind way for a partner to behave if he’s aware of your animal phobia.

Is he normally like this?

And also op, is the child your child or your partner’s too? Just wanted to know.

Poor bloke, sounds like he's not allowed to do anything with his own child without you 🙄

The tickets are booked. You can meet the friend’s partner another time.

You are invited to this. You do not want to go. Don't ruin everyone else's fun.

Why don't YOU organise an activity next month that doesn't involve animals and invite them to that?

I think consistently bugging him to completely change plans that you said no to because you’ve decided you want to meet one of the people isn’t reasonable.

there are 3 other people who want to go to the farm including the children. If you want to meet the partner do it another time.

it’s not fair to cancel a kids trip to a farm because an adult wants to meet another adult but doesn’t like farms.

he shouldn’t be calling you names.

You can’t use fomo to change other peoples plans. Drop it.

I can understand lashing out at someone if they just keep getting at you. And I don't think pathetic is anywhere near the worst thing you could call someone. And he didn't call her pathetic he said she was being pathetic. To my way of thinking there's a difference; being pathetic is describing a behavior not describing you as a human being.

It looks like he apologized twice and only got irritated the third time she brought it up. Maybe she does always cause problems.

You are meant to be a grown up so it may assist you to act like one, I really cant see how your behaviour benefits your child at all

He’s not a mind reader and you’d already said no. Just let them go and enjoy a brew in peace and quiet, because that sounds like bliss.

the farm is already booked arranged. It would be very embarrassing to change it now just because of another person going along. What if they’ve told the child they’re off to the farm? Suggest meeting up another time and put this one behind you.

i don’t agree with name calling, however, it sounds like frustration that he cannot seem to get his point across.

Don’t bring it up for a third time in front of your DC, honestly you caused the issue!

What help have you accessed for the phobia?

Visiting farms is a great childhood activity and your DH is right to take the DCs to enjoy it. They don’t have a phobia.

They were invited to join a trip to a farm. It’ The sort of thing kids love - rude to expect people to change activity they’ve just issued an invitation to. Three times you kept moaning about it. YABVVU bit surprised he lost patience with you.

You sound like hard work.

You were asked if you wanted to go and you said no because the activity is a day out to the farm.

you can join them next time when they go somewhere else.

a friend of mine hates the idea of camping. That was the activity that was planned by a group of parents. Her husband had never been camping before either, but took his two children and they had the best time. My friend felt she missed out, but her husband didn’t want his kids to miss the opportunity as he knew he would never convince her to go as a family. Maybe your husband prefers to have a day out with another family if he knows you are unlikely to want to take your children to the farm and would rather have company than just go with the children on his own in the future.

I see you say you have a phobia of animals. The farms I have been to don’t have animals roaming free and come up to you. The animals are in designated areas. Also the farms I have visited have a small train, children’s play area and small cafes as well as other activities suitable to children.

could you not go along with them for the day out and choose to avoid going up to the animals. Your husband can take the children and you can wait away from the animals but can still join them for the walk around and any other activities so you still feel part of the day out?

YABU I’m afraid.

You were asked if you wanted to come. You said no. He’s perfectly entitled to take his son, to see his friend at an age appropriate activity without even asking you or regardless of whether you want to come - the fact you were asked and said no makes you even more unreasonable now.

Surely you recognise that, if someone invites you to join them at a farm, you decline the invite and plans are finalised, it looks poor for your partner to go to his friend “oh, by the way, JustAnother does want to come but she also wants to change the activity”? Tickets may well have even been booked.