Going out with son without me

When you said “that is weird. And thoughtless. “Yes it’s fine. My wife hates animals so let’s go somewhere with her son where there are lots of animals”. OP was never going to be there so it’s not weird and thoughtless. It’s taking an opportunity to take the kid somewhere he wouldn’t normally go. If you’ve misunderstood that she was never going until she got FOMO then don’t double down on your point. Grown ups don’t get FOMO.

So your partner-

invited you and your child out with him and his friend and you said no
they then booked to visit a farm for your partner, friend and child
now you want to go too but don’t want to do that activity so expect them to change their plan

Firstly is the child your dps child too?

Secondly did you know they were taking the child regardless of whether you went?

Thirdly does the friend have kids?

It’s unreasonable of you to expect them to change their plans because you changed your mind it’s also weird you said no in the first place if you did want to meet friend.
id say either go to farm or leave them to it.

No one seems to be acknowledging how rude (and borderline creepy) it is to not want to see the friend because it's "only" his friend but desperately want to meet the partner. If I were the friend/partner then I would feel very uncomfortable.

You can't impose your phobias on other people, basically. You could treat it as an opportunity to face up to your fears.
Pet a pig, hug a lamb, make sure it's actually the animals you fear, and not a wheat/barley thing 🤔🐖🐏🌾

But how exactly can he see animals without his mum without criticism from you? I genuinely cannot think of a way if you think he's wrong here.

Can you give an example that you think would be ok?

From the OP ‘ I said no as I thought it was just his friend and didn't want to intrude. His friend suggested going to a farm. Someone then booked tickets to a farm with his friend and his partner as well as my little one’ so she didn’t want to go so booking a farm made no difference. She then changed her mind and wanted to meet the GF. This would mean cancelling/losing the farm tickets already purchased. Instead of accepting that through her own choices she had missed out, she moaned.

OP organise a different activity on a different date to meet the GF but stop giving your other half a hard time. Own your decisions.

@justanothermother2023
You are deliberately causing problems and being childish.

He asked if you wanted to go. You said no.

You can't just have a tantrum and demand he chooses another location!

Your behaviour is almost narcissistic. Pushing and pushing him until he gets annoyed then having a go at him for getting angry.

She originally said no though?

Again @ProfessionalWhimsicalSkidaddlerwhere did I state the op’s ds can never see his animals without his mum?

He only okayed a visit to a farm because she wasn’t going. You criticising other people’s reading comprehension is quite bizarre.

Everyone is reading your post the same which suggests you are in the wrong. Op said she didn’t want to go and a farm was booked. She can’t then say actually I want to go but you need to change the activity that was booked and paid for.

A phobia of all animals? That must be very difficult OP. How do you go anywhere given the rise in popularity of dog and dog friendly entertainment everywhere. I’d seek some therapy for that because it’s seemingly governing your life which is going to be stifling for your family.

OP didn’t want to go! Why on earth shouldn’t a man take his child to a farm just because the mother, who didn’t want to go, doesn’t want to go to a farm?

@ProfessionalWhimsicalSkidaddler do what?

Where did I say the Ds can never see animals without his mum?

Some really bizarre extrapolations from posters on this thread.

The op said she’d like to meet these friends. And objected when it’s at a farm. This time. Not all times.

Dearie me.

just try the farm
do you not like zoos either?

What?! So her son can never see animals without her because she is scared of them? don’t give OP any ammunition. She is absolutely out of order and I agree with her partner. She is being pathetic. She can’t expect the plans made to please the kids to change for her because she has fucking FOMO.

It seems phobias are in fact an indulgence on MN.

@BlankBlankBlank14eh? What are you on about? I never said he forced her to go or tried to force her to go.

Read my post again. You’re lacking English reading comprehension skills.

I said her partner knows she has an animal phobia and still okay’d a visit to a farm, knowing she would struggle with it. Which to me is thoughtless. And then calling it pathetic when she objects because she would like to socialise and meet these friend of his and her partner.

Nowhere in her post does the op say she prevents her partner and her ds from doing activities together whether they visit animals or not.

She saying that this time she would have liked to have met the p’s friend and his partner.

In my opinion you were being pathetic. Farms are great for little ones - gives them enough stimulation without going too over the top and a great way to meet and talk with adults at the same time.

He's allowed to take his DC wherever he wants (within reason) without you and I think you need to start addressing your phobia otherwise you'll seriously be missing out on future activities.

Good lord. The world doesn’t revolve around you. They can all go on the nice day out they had planned. Yes, it was pathetic of you to stamp your foot up and down and try and get your partner to change it, so he called a spade a spade on that one. Why do t you just organise the next activity at something you do feel you will be able to cope with?

Can you not just meet them after for a coffee or something?

Not ideal that he called you pathetic but this was what his friend invited him to do, he can't just change the plans. They were probably going to the farm anyway and invited you all along so it would be pretty rude.

He told you he was going to a perfectly normal activity with the children and you admit you went on at him about it 3 times.

Also do you have form for expecting people to go along with what you want as opposed to what they want ?

My husband takes our kids away for long weekends without me, I don't see the problem with them going for a day out. He's being a good dad, it's a you problem.

Do something about your problem with animals otherwise your child is going to miss out hugely on the joy of pets and you may well pass your fear onto him which would be tragic.

Why is meeting your partners friends gf/bf so important? Id just arrange something another time if you're that keen to meet them.

I have a phobia of birds. If DH suggests going out and I dont want to go he usually takes the opportunity to take DS somewhere like the owl centre that he knows I wouldn't agree to but in fairness DS loves. If I then changed my mind I wouldn't expect the plans to change to accommodate my irrational fear.

Your DC will probably enjoy the farm and you get a couple of hours to yourself. I'd let this go.

Calling you pathetic isn't ideal but it's the third time you brought it up so he's probably frustrated.

Yes, maybe arrange something OP?

He didn’t try to force her to go…

Where did you get that from?

Also are the dc never to see and meet animals because OP has a phobia? I’d be thanking the DP for taking them and not making them indulge the OPs phobia,