Going out with son without me

Yabu.

At the start you should have asked who was going rather than assume just dh and friend.

Your dh agreed to an activity, had you been going he would have presumably suggested and alternative.

Now tickets have been purchased. Of course he cant suggest changing the activity.

Understand you are disappointed you arent attending but yabvu to complain to dh about it.

oh god! I had similar with a moth and was scared of them for ages!

Is that a phobia of ALL animals. You need treatment for that! Trying to get everyone to change the activity after they have booked and paid for tickets is very unreasonable.

I was taking some stones from the bottom of a lake to stick in my (yet empty) bikini top. Turns out there was a crayfish in there which I didn't realise until emptying the bikini top 😅 fucking terrifying as a 8ish year old!

I can laugh at the incident now, but 20+ years of being too scared to swim in lakes wasn't great.

I accidentally selected ‘YANBU’, but unfortunately I think you are being unreasonable.

Your Son will have a nice time there and they shouldn’t have to change plans because of your fear.

They can always arrange another date to do something else fun.

Just for comparison - I’m petrified of the sea. My kids and partner love it and they go in on paddle boards etc. Partner meets all his friends and kids there. Sometimes I don’t go because I’m just sat at the side too scared to go in. It does hurt that they all get to socialise and do fun stuff without me, but that’s my problem and unfortunately I just have to let it go.

Try not to feel too put out.

Is “farms” a euphemism?

Jesus, what a load of drama and stress.

Hope they have a lovely day!

They were invited along to an activity someone else suggested, her DH didn’t plan it. Why should they all miss out because she doesn’t want to go?

she is being pathetic. And trying to deny her kids a lovely day out.

I know it's off topic, but very curious about what this crayfish related childhood traumatic event was....

Totally yabu.
You harassed him 3 times and tried to force him to change plans.
Id call you pathetic too

Address your phobia. I had a phobia of crayfish (based in a childhood event) which stopped me from swimming in open water and meant I missed out.
You can either get paid help, or set up your own exposure programme. Set a deadline, and do everything set for that month at least once a week/4-6 times, more as needed until you feel reasonably comfortable. E.g. your goals could be:
Month 1 - Visit a friend with a small safe pet e.g. goldfish/hamster or similarly contained animal.
Month 2 - Go to a pet shop with small furries.
Month 3 - Visit friends with a cat/docile dog. Pet it.
Month 4 - Walk past a field with cattle/pigs.
Month 5 - Go to a zoo (as you usually can't get within touching distance).
Month 6 - Go to a farm/petting zoo/city farm.

Life is SO much easier without a phobia.

I don't see where the problem is. Would most mums not welcome a few hours at home by themselves?

You belong on the entitled thread.

Why should everyones plans change to suit your needs? Especially when it includes kids who will be excited about going to the farm.

Anyone with a phobia should know that sometimes it means having to miss out/suck it up.

If you are still struggling with this, an example of a reasonable response to what you are feeling would have been “Gosh i have bad FOMO now. How about we make another plan soon to go for lunch/to the trampoline park/other activity and I can meet friends partner? Pls remember to apologise and explain my reason for not being there on this occasion”.

The world and other people do not resolve around OP.

YABU. You said you didn't want to come, they made plans. You then did want to come but wanted them to change their plans to accommodate you even though you had already said no. Then you picked a fight about it.

As ever, first post nails it.

I think if he kicked off after the first or second time you have a point but to bring it up 3 times she sounds dead annoying. I'd be calling her a petulant child at least

Surely you take your child to see friends without your partner? People he hasn’t met? This sounds like a great activity and you can meet friend and their partner and another activity.

Friend: Does JustAnother want to come?
DP: No, I just asked her and she doesn't want to come.
Friend: Ok. Shall we go to the farm?
DP: No, JustAnother has a phobia of animals.
Friend: Oh - but you just said she's not coming?
DP: She isn't.
Friend: So, why can't we go to the farm?
DP: Because JustAnother has a phobia of animals.
Friend: But she won't be there.
DP: I know...

This has made me properly laugh this morning 😂@ConfusedSloth

You are unreasonable over the farm and bring it up 3 times. You don't like them and said no. They planned to go to one - something which is quite common with young children. I don't think plans should be changed just because you then decide after they booked the tickets you want to go but not to the farm.

You aren't unreasonable over the name calling. That isn't on.

I did lol when they came back and doubled down after countless posts pointing out they were wrong originally 🤣

You’ve been called out by a number of posters.

You’re insinuating the DP has tried to force a situation. He’s not the batshit crazy one in this situation, it’s OP.

You’ve misunderstood that she wasn’t going on the trip, she’d said no, then they decided to go to a farm…. He didn’t let her down or try to get her to go to any farm or not have her back,

Hopefully, that sorts it for you my sweet?

Honestly, how many people have to tell you you’ve got it all wrong.

You dont have to go near the animals at a farm. You must be OK with them from a distance. Other wise how do you cope in general.
It was a little confusing but did you mean your partner is not your child's father ?
Also if the tickets are paid for you cant expect them all to change plans .
You do sound like hard work .

If I messaged a friend and said, ‘we are going to the farm, do you want to come with us?’ I’d find it really odd if they messaged back and said ‘no but let’s do a completely different activity’. No, I’ve planned to take my kids to the farm.

@BlankBlankBlank14 Your words, “He didn’t try to force her to go. Where did you get that from?” are what I was flagging up as your lack of reading comprehension skills of MY post.

Try harder, dearie. And don’t move the goalposts.