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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to go to their bbq?

241 replies

Mrsunderstood · 20/08/2025 00:18

BIL and the OW have now moved in together and she’s organised this family bbq day. I had a good relationship with ex SIL but DH didn’t want me to to speak to her anymore after there separation so i didnt. Now I’m being forced into situation such as this. He’s saying I have to go I’m his wife and just to get over it.

I think the both of them are disgusting and if there happy then fair enough good luck to them they’ve both cheated on their long term partners and cause so much destruction and now playing happy families.

The only issues are my children obviously have there cousins that they want to see. DH is more than capable to take the kids on his own.

Do I have to suck it up and go? It completely goes against my morals and the person that I am it feels so wrong.

OP posts:
XWKD · 20/08/2025 01:47

You dumped a friend because your husband told you to. 🙄

PinkyFlamingo · 20/08/2025 01:25

I can't believe you stopped talking to your ex SIL who you liked just because your DH "told you" to!! That poor woman.

Plantatreetoday · 20/08/2025 01:08

Wish this had been on AIBU

Plantatreetoday · 20/08/2025 01:08

My dh doesn't get to chose who I talk to or not
Your life
Your choice
Don't allow this controlling nature

CharlotteFlax · 20/08/2025 01:04

You don't HAVE to do anything just because you're his wife! Not one thing!

Read THAT, MrUnderstood!

Original poster
Mrsunderstood · 20/08/2025 00:59

Thank you!! He wanted me to post this thread as he thinks I’m being AIBU. He can go and take the kids that’s absolutely fine. But I don’t want any part of it.

OP posts:
OneNeatBlueOrca · 20/08/2025 00:52

Don't go you don't have to. He's your husband's brother not yours. He literally can't make you.

Catsandcannedbeans · 20/08/2025 00:52

To be honest I wouldn’t have gone along with not speaking to ex SIL. You probably can’t be besties, but my DH doesn’t dictate who I can and can’t talk to. Do not go to the BBQ. You won’t have fun, you’ll probably feel kind of icky the whole time, and it’s against your morals.

He can take the kids, you do something fun. Your kids get to see their cousins and you get some me time? Win win.

Vaxtable · 20/08/2025 00:51

Send DH with the kids. And I would not be told who I could and could not see so would also be contacting ex sil

MrsEMR · 20/08/2025 00:48

I would not have gone along with ditching the ex-SIL if I was friends with her. Even more so if the cousins enjoy spending time together. As for BBQ situation, inform DH that you cannot be held responsible for any upset caused if you go, so he should be prepared for fireworks.
TBH I think I’d let him go alone with the kids & try and meet up with ex-SIL as she’ll be child free too that day.

Diarygirlqueen · 20/08/2025 00:36

I wouldn't go, good for you.

Mytattooisbiggerthanyours · 20/08/2025 00:34

If you can’t polish a turd then at least you can grill it.

Mytattooisbiggerthanyours · 20/08/2025 00:33

But you have to tell the children not to eat the sausages

Original poster
Mrsunderstood · 20/08/2025 00:31

Mytattooisbiggerthanyours · 20/08/2025 00:29

Why don’t you go and then drop your kegs and do a massive shit on the BBQ?

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 now this sounds right up my street.

OP posts:
TheSandgroper · 20/08/2025 00:29

Well, my dh would have received short shrift if he had said “don’t be friends anymore with this thoroughly nice woman that you have been friends with for years”. And I would have worked to maintain that friendship.

And, yes, it’s quite possible that I might say “ok. I will go. But you have to have my back if my comments don’t toe the party line. I’m a grown woman and grown women have opinions of their own”.

Mytattooisbiggerthanyours · 20/08/2025 00:29

Why don’t you go and then drop your kegs and do a massive shit on the BBQ?