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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My DS is moving to live at his dads

131 replies

yellowbuzzybee · 19/08/2025 22:14

I guess my AIBU is that I know that I should be feeling really sad. I’ve been the main parent for most of DS life but he’s now moving to secondary school and to stay at his dads very soon and I am feeling relieved that I don’t have to do the heavy day-to-day parenting stuff. I can now put my career first and do whatever I want to do whether it be travel, stay out all night, not cook dinner and just lay about uninterrupted. Of course I’ll miss him, but I’m happy being a weekend parent some phone calls during the week and time during the holidays - the setup fathers typically have when they aren’t with the mother.

I never thought I felt like I would feel like this, but as he’s got an older I’m actually tired of having to nag him all the time. Do your homework! Tidy your room! Get to school on time! I think now I can just enjoy and appreciate my time with him more and we can do fun stuff together. He is here with me for the next couple of days and already, I’m really appreciating this time with him, but I’m looking forward to being childfree!

AIBU to Feel that way? Would you judge a mum who said this to you? If your DC, dad said he wanted to take the kids full-time, would you consider it?

OP posts:
Zanatdy · 19/08/2025 22:30

I hear you. I’ve been a single parent for years and whilst mine haven’t gone to live with their dad, I totally hear you on the role reversal. Just don’t be surprised if he wants to come home!

Aspanielstolemysanity · 19/08/2025 22:27

The bit that really jumps out at me is that you say you were nagging him all the time. That makes me feel sad. Did it really matter if his room was messy?

JLou08 · 19/08/2025 22:25

YANBU. As long as his dad is a good parent and DS is happy to be moving there I think it totally understandable to be happy about the change. I think I'd feel the same as you.

TheTwitcher11 · 19/08/2025 22:21

yellowbuzzybee · 19/08/2025 22:14

I guess my AIBU is that I know that I should be feeling really sad. I’ve been the main parent for most of DS life but he’s now moving to secondary school and to stay at his dads very soon and I am feeling relieved that I don’t have to do the heavy day-to-day parenting stuff. I can now put my career first and do whatever I want to do whether it be travel, stay out all night, not cook dinner and just lay about uninterrupted. Of course I’ll miss him, but I’m happy being a weekend parent some phone calls during the week and time during the holidays - the setup fathers typically have when they aren’t with the mother.

I never thought I felt like I would feel like this, but as he’s got an older I’m actually tired of having to nag him all the time. Do your homework! Tidy your room! Get to school on time! I think now I can just enjoy and appreciate my time with him more and we can do fun stuff together. He is here with me for the next couple of days and already, I’m really appreciating this time with him, but I’m looking forward to being childfree!

AIBU to Feel that way? Would you judge a mum who said this to you? If your DC, dad said he wanted to take the kids full-time, would you consider it?

No judgement here - can I ask if this was always the plan or if it was a recent decision for him to move in with his dad?

I think as long as everyone is happy then it’s positive and I hope you enjoy your new arrangement/ setup :)

shitshow1976 · 19/08/2025 22:21

As long as it's a mutually agreed arrangement, perfectly OK.
Why wouldn't it be? Dad's are able to do this all time

4intheCorner · 19/08/2025 22:19

I wouldn't judge, parenting is hard, let alone as a single parent. Enjoy your new found freedom, and your weekends with your son.

Is the decision your DS's, or a mutual one?