Holiday home - what are your top 5 must haves - in order?

Accessible shower/wc
king sized bed with decent bedding
washing machine
well equipped kitchen with adequate household supplies ie kitchen roll, washing up liquid etc
parking/garden

Walking distance on a pavement to local amenities - shop, pub, cafe etc

Bed sizes specified. At least one King.

A proper bedroom for everyone

At least one bathroom for every 2 bedrooms.

Parking. Can be on street, as long as there's a permit if restricted.

Enough proper bedrooms with doors for everyone and a kingsize for dh and I.

Comfortable and ample seating for all, not a sofa for 2 and then the other 3 make do on the dining chairs.

Good shower.

Off-road parking.

Bedding and towels included.

so much stuff I don’t care about but these things are in the top list of priorities!

My pet peeve is airbnbs that don't supply at least one dishwasher tablet per day. To have to go out and BUY them, especially when we don't live in the UK or have a dishwasher at home, is infuriating.
If you're not prepared to supply the tablets then please just don't supply the machine.

Off road designated parking
WiFi
Walking distance to beach/shops/pub/walks
Decent kitchen/dining area
More than one shower
Dishwasher and washing machine

It needs to be a 'home from home'. We do camping holidays when we rough it with the bare minimum, so when I go self catering I want all the home comforts and no effort.

4 proper bedrooms
no smoking or pets
washing machine
some where walkable to eat / drink even if it’s just a bar on the beach

Proximity to local shops
No pets allowed
Dishwasher
Good, clean kitchen equipment and appliances
No creaking floorboards!

Just got back from a week away in a ‘cottage with character’ - the floorboards were so loud it was impossible to move around at night without waking people. It was almost unbearable. The sofas were covered with dog hair and the kitchen drawer had single lonely fork but a massive collection of misshaped, stained Tupperware and manky chopping boards 🤢

1. Secure garden / patio for the dog
2. Off road parking
3. At least 2 comfortable sofas / armchairs - I like to sit on my own
4. Owners NOT on site
5. No en-suite

Well obviously the location is first, followed by number of bedrooms!
After that the amenities required in that particular holiday, which could be a pool, or a fenced in yard for dogs, or walkable to sights/shops/restaurants.
What would stop be returning is:
constant interruptions from the host; poor quality sheets and mattresses, too many restrictions (one place had little notes all over the place).

Quiet area

Comfortable seating area/living space

Well equipped kitchen

Washing machine

I only do self catering in the UK when DC and partners come. I don't care about a kitchen as we eat out.

1. All bedrooms are ensuite
2. Preferably king size beds. Double will do but not twin.
3. Brilliant view
4. Parking
5. Walking distance to restaurant/ pub

Excellent, genuine reviews especially around comfort and cleanliness
Location
Dishwasher
Washing Machine
No pets or smoking allowed

Dishwasher and washing machine!
I don’t want to be washing up or doing trips to the laundrette.

Walking distance to a shop and pub
Comfortable bed
Parking
Outdoor space

Decent Wifi

Sea view
Walking distance to village / pub
Dishwasher / washing machine
Suitable beds / rooms for everyone (no sofa beds / trundles etc..)
Log burner outside of summer

We've been to the tip on holiday to get rid of our recycling. Nothing says fun family holiday like a trip to a random town's refuse and recycling facility.

Dog friendly.

Location suitable for hiking

secluded

Hot tub

Fire pit

If it's a UK holiday, parking - got caught out with this in Cornwall once, never again.

Washing machine and dishwasher

Number of bedrooms - and no weird mezzanine or through bedrooms - we saw one on airbnb when we looked for our last trip and one of the "bedrooms" was up a rustic ladder. A ladder.

No pets

Doors on bathrooms - you shouldn't have to check they exist, but apparently you do on holiday lettings

Lighthearted, but with a hope that holiday cottage owners will take note-

Table lamps. Can't bear it being either the big light or nothing.
A footstool. So often there are 90 cushions but nowhere to put your feet up.
A line or clothes horse for drying towels and bathers.
Pegs if there is a line.
If the cottage sleeps 2, more than 2 of everything is nice so you're not constantly washing up tea spoons or wine glasses.
Recycling facilities. I always end up bringing it home.

2 beds
WiFi
Decent size TV
Bathroom on same floor as beds
Guaranteed parking.

I'm assuming area is a given i.e. we're choosing places in our chosen area. Oh, also a flat/cottage that's not someone's lived in home sometimes, after a horrible experience.

Accessible by train
Number of bedrooms
Private garden area
Close to pub
Preferably by the sea

No leather sofas - uncomfortable
King size bed - DH is too tall for a double, so I end up crammed into a corner
No foot board to bed - so DH feet can stick out the bottom
Easy parking - self explanatory
Good kitchen and cooking equipment - I relax by cooking

I usually look for somewhere with a bed for everyone. A wood burner or hot tub. Tasteful decor. Nice views and some outside space, even just a small terrace. A dishwasher.