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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU that DP took the key so we couldn’t go out?

178 replies

WhatJustHappened9 · 19/08/2025 21:04

Im on holiday with DP and my 2 DC from previous relationship. We are in a country visiting family and staying at a villa. DP has been in a shitty mood all day, snapping at most things I say. Me and DC had a snack at about 5.30, DP didn’t want anything. At just after 7, he said he was going for food with his relative, were we going? I just said no. I said no to him as we’d not long since eaten so didn’t want something right now, and to be honest, I didn’t want to be around his shitty mood, it’s best to just leave him be with it.

It got to about 8.30 and DC said they were hungry. No probs, we will go and grab something. But I couldn’t find the key. Messaged DP, no answer, then phoned him, no answer, then I got a message to say he had the key because how else was he going to get in the villa if we decided to go out?! (I read it like I was being a bit dumb asking because it was so obvious)
Erm, by me leaving the key in the key safe if we were to go out.

He said it was fine for me to go out as I could just pull the door to lock it. My response was well if you’re not back before us, how are me and DC going to get back in?!

We wouldn’t be going far (on foot) so wouldn’t be long. It’s now almost 11 and he’s not back and not said how long so I’m glad I didn’t just go out like I said. I managed to get a takeaway to sort the food situation, but AIBU to be pissed off that he took the key with little to no regards for us?

OP posts:
FourIsNewSix · 20/08/2025 10:18

Starlight1984 · 20/08/2025 10:10

She wasn't locked in the house!!! Jesus Christ some of these comments.

OP said that her and DC didn't want to go out for food.
DP went out and took key with him (thoughtless but not abuse territory)
DP thought that because OP said they didn't want to go out for dinner, they weren't going out so didn't need the key.
Front door was in fact open (as is evident by the fact that OP had a takeaway delivered) so they weren't "locked in".

I can't really see how this is such a huge issue tbh. My DH did the same not so long ago (when our builders had the second set of keys for a couple of days). Went out, took the keys so he didn't have to wake me when he came in but forgetting I couldn't lock up (or leave the house myself) without them. Bit of a pain in the arse but not really the end of the world.

Show quote history

Yeah, he thought they were not going out in the evening (unlike all the other days they went for a night walk or late ice cream) so he took the keys because:
... then I got a message to say he had the key because how else was he going to get in the villa if we decided to go out?!

That makes perfect sense.

Starlight1984 · 20/08/2025 10:15

crazeekat · 20/08/2025 10:12

LTB. What if there had been a fire would u have been anle
to
get out elsewhere??
he’s a controlling dik

The front door was open!!!!!!!

Original poster
WhatJustHappened9 · 20/08/2025 10:14

Poopeepoopee · 20/08/2025 10:04

Yeah this.

Also, who has a snack so big that it ruins a family dinner planned for later on?

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The “family dinner” you speak of, I had no knowledge of until 20 minutes before he went out. It was a fairly casual, last minute arrangement so it seems. We found out about it after we’d had the snack. And it wasn’t so big as DC were then hungry an hour after he’d gone. So I don’t think I’ve “ruined” anything.

OP posts:
FourIsNewSix · 20/08/2025 10:14

Genevieva · 20/08/2025 10:12

I gathered. It should have 2 though. 2 is perfectly normal to allow for precisely this scenario: different guests doing different things with different arrival and departure times. Can you contact the owners and ask for a second?

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There is a key safe, so the person leaving later can put the keys there for the person coming back first.

Tedsnan1 · 20/08/2025 10:14

SugarandSpiceandAllThingsNaice · 19/08/2025 21:40

Yes, but you did not communicate that to him clearly before he left. Who snacks at 5:30pm with preteen DC? Do they have a bedtime of midnight?

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🙄

adlitem · 20/08/2025 10:12

Hmm, to me it sounds like he didn't take the key to be mean, but just didn't really think about it. He was moody, so you were moody back to him when you decided to eat with your kids at 5🕜/ he asked if you wanted to come for food so he just left (not thinking about keys). When you then text him he probably realised he had fucked up but, still in a mood, wasn't going to apologise/ accept fault.

It sounds basically like bad communication and stropping, mainly on his side. I'd be really annoyed too, but I just don't think it sounds like he did it on purpose.

crazeekat · 20/08/2025 10:12

LTB. What if there had been a fire would u have been anle
to
get out elsewhere??
he’s a controlling dik

Genevieva · 20/08/2025 10:12

WhatJustHappened9 · 20/08/2025 10:05

It’s got 1, believe me, I wouldn’t have a problem if it had 2 keys!

Show quote history

I gathered. It should have 2 though. 2 is perfectly normal to allow for precisely this scenario: different guests doing different things with different arrival and departure times. Can you contact the owners and ask for a second?

Starlight1984 · 20/08/2025 10:12

InWalksBarberalla · 20/08/2025 10:08

At 7pm! She said she didn't want to go out at 7pm - not that she didn't want to go out for the rest of the evening!!!

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So why not just say "I might be going out later so please can you leave the key?" without all the game playing!!!

LittleBitofBread · 20/08/2025 10:11

Poopeepoopee · 20/08/2025 10:04

Yeah this.

Also, who has a snack so big that it ruins a family dinner planned for later on?

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Have you not understood? Dinner wasn't planned.

Starlight1984 · 20/08/2025 10:11

WhatJustHappened9 · 20/08/2025 10:09

He said are you coming now for food, I said no. Me saying no to food right there and then doesn’t mean I want to be cooped up without the means to go out if we wanted? And like I’ve said, if he wasn’t expecting us to go out, he’d have no problem getting back in (because we could open up) so wouldn’t need the key anyway.

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Well seeing as though you said he wasn't back at almost 11 then he probably assumed you would be asleep?!?!

Starlight1984 · 20/08/2025 10:10

purplecorkheart · 20/08/2025 09:59

A friend of mine was in an abusive relationship and being locked into the house was how it started. He would accidently take her keys with him when going out and lock her in.

She wasn't locked in the house!!! Jesus Christ some of these comments.

OP said that her and DC didn't want to go out for food.
DP went out and took key with him (thoughtless but not abuse territory)
DP thought that because OP said they didn't want to go out for dinner, they weren't going out so didn't need the key.
Front door was in fact open (as is evident by the fact that OP had a takeaway delivered) so they weren't "locked in".

I can't really see how this is such a huge issue tbh. My DH did the same not so long ago (when our builders had the second set of keys for a couple of days). Went out, took the keys so he didn't have to wake me when he came in but forgetting I couldn't lock up (or leave the house myself) without them. Bit of a pain in the arse but not really the end of the world.

Original poster
WhatJustHappened9 · 20/08/2025 10:09

Starlight1984 · 20/08/2025 10:04

But you said you didn't want to go out!!!

Show quote history

He said are you coming now for food, I said no. Me saying no to food right there and then doesn’t mean I want to be cooped up without the means to go out if we wanted? And like I’ve said, if he wasn’t expecting us to go out, he’d have no problem getting back in (because we could open up) so wouldn’t need the key anyway.

OP posts:
Christwosheds · 20/08/2025 10:09

WhatJustHappened9 · 19/08/2025 22:28

I think the reaction to it hasn’t helped. Like he wasn’t concerned, just bothered that he could get in. He didn’t say oh shit sorry, didn’t realise you were going out / forgot about te key safe, I’ll run back and drop it off. He didn’t even tell me how long he would be when I asked him so I could time it so I could go out with the DC and get back around the same time (or us after) so we could both get in. I think I’m more disappointed in his lack of concern.

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Yes that is the issue. To unthinkingly take a key on autopilot is one thing, but if my DH did this he would apologise and return the key. It’s pretty obvious with children that you might want to go for a stroll or something, when the day cools down. To me it seems like petty revenge that he left you there unable to get back in, if you went out to eat or have an ice cream.

InWalksBarberalla · 20/08/2025 10:08

Starlight1984 · 20/08/2025 10:04

But you said you didn't want to go out!!!

Show quote history

At 7pm! She said she didn't want to go out at 7pm - not that she didn't want to go out for the rest of the evening!!!

Original poster
WhatJustHappened9 · 20/08/2025 10:05

Genevieva · 20/08/2025 10:02

The villa should come with 2 keys.

It’s got 1, believe me, I wouldn’t have a problem if it had 2 keys!

OP posts:
Starlight1984 · 20/08/2025 10:04

WhatJustHappened9 · 20/08/2025 10:00

Yes but if me and DC had gone out, how were WE going to get back in if he had the key?! Doesn’t make sense!

Show quote history

But you said you didn't want to go out!!!

Poopeepoopee · 20/08/2025 10:04

Bloodymigraines · 19/08/2025 21:39

You're both at fault for not communicating better, have a proper conversation about meals and when you are all going to eat.

Yeah this.

Also, who has a snack so big that it ruins a family dinner planned for later on?

femfemlicious · 20/08/2025 10:03

SugarandSpiceandAllThingsNaice · 19/08/2025 21:38

So what? You both failed to communicate about the key when he left in the evening. It’s hardly “stuck in for holiday” from 7:30pm onwards - it’s one evening in with takeaway in a villa. No different from an evening in with room service in a hotel.

You’re both already irritated with each other and trying to determine who is more unreasonable is just manufacturing a reason to row over you both not communicating. For your DC sakes, let this go. It could have happened to anyone.

Edited
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Nope he didn't communicate with her about the keys. She didn't know he took them!. The children are not his children so she doesn't have to put up with him for their sake! Thank goodness!

Genevieva · 20/08/2025 10:02

The villa should come with 2 keys.

Original poster
WhatJustHappened9 · 20/08/2025 10:00

Starlight1984 · 20/08/2025 09:52

Messaged DP, no answer, then phoned him, no answer, then I got a message to say he had the key because how else was he going to get in the villa if we decided to go out?!

This does not read as a power play to me. Maybe a bit thick and thoughtless (yes I'm aware there was a key safe but if it's not your normal routine / habits then easy to just put the key in your pocket!) but come on.

Show quote history

Yes but if me and DC had gone out, how were WE going to get back in if he had the key?! Doesn’t make sense!

OP posts:
purplecorkheart · 20/08/2025 09:59

A friend of mine was in an abusive relationship and being locked into the house was how it started. He would accidently take her keys with him when going out and lock her in.

Original poster
WhatJustHappened9 · 20/08/2025 09:58

SaladAndChipsForTea · 20/08/2025 09:18

Yabu, he was going out so he took the key.

Yulou said you'd eaten and weren't hungry.

You have pre-teen children. Where would you have been going at 8:30? Food was easily resolved with a takeaway.

Completely unreasonable to expect him to leave and come back woth the key and let down someone he is already out with. Borderline controlling and like you want to punish him by interrupting his plans.

The adult way of dealing with it was to acknowledge the atmosphere and say you were going to give the evening a miss but would appreciate him leaving the key. Or is he expected to be think about the key before going out but you aren't?

In the big scheme of things, thus is such a minor inconvenience and you're only pissy about it because you've both had a shitty day together.

Start afresh and salvage the holiday if it's a rare occurrence. Otherwise LTB. The inbetween is being "right" but spoiling the holiday for the kids by carrying over the mood. He's either a good bloke being a twat and the bigger picture is to move on, or he's a total dickhead that you should split up from.

I can assure you it’s not the case that I am controlling, far far from it! I would’ve just appreciated a little consideration!
Had I done the same thing in error, my reaction would’ve been completely different.
If he wasn’t expecting that I go out for food (or a walk / ice cream / whatever) later than when he left, why then would he be worried about not being able to get back in? I’m a late night person so I would’ve been awake. Or on the off chance I did go to bed, like I said, I could’ve put the key in the key safe.

OP posts:
FourIsNewSix · 20/08/2025 09:58

Starlight1984 · 20/08/2025 09:38

Ok I shouldn't have said "straight away" but he was out for dinner with friends / family?! I never have my phone out on the table if I'm socialising as it's rude.

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And the part about if he considered it a mistake, he would say sorry and suggest some options - at least communicate the time he would be back?

Starlight1984 · 20/08/2025 09:52

Crunchymum · 20/08/2025 09:39

I can't believe people are giving the OP a hard time.

Surely you don't take the only key unless you are wanting to make a statement? It's all power play.

Messaged DP, no answer, then phoned him, no answer, then I got a message to say he had the key because how else was he going to get in the villa if we decided to go out?!

This does not read as a power play to me. Maybe a bit thick and thoughtless (yes I'm aware there was a key safe but if it's not your normal routine / habits then easy to just put the key in your pocket!) but come on.