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AIBU?

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DV and pregnancy

80 replies

academyrouge · 19/08/2025 20:42

I need help. Any advice.
I am 12 weeks pregnant and have gone through hell.
Without going into massive details, my situation is that I am in a relationship and have been for last two years. He has been unhappy with my pregnancy and has hurt me on a few occasions. It has notched up each time. There have been four episodes and two involved strangulation, the last one left me thinking I was going to die. He snaps. Goes from being lovely and when he gets cross becomes another person.
My sister reported him and the police want to investigate. I’m told strangulation is very serious as can be classed as attempted murder. I didn’t provoke him, it was an argument that’s all. He knows what’s going on because I told him and he accepted it was his doing.
in all of this he suddenly became pro pregnancy, told his family and was talking marriage. Like, everything he was against and the crap his put me through went out the window. I am so confused. Is this a one off? Has he likely done this before and will again? I admit my brain is foggy and I’m all over the place and don’t know what way to turn.
His family now want to be involved and I’m not even sure I believe him anymore, if he really told them. I can’t seem to think straight and clearly and without judgement could do with some advice. It’s hard enough as it is and I feel stupid enough.

OP posts:
Gnossienneno1 · 19/08/2025 20:51

Men who are happy about a pregnancy don’t risk hurting their baby by strangling the woman carrying them!
You need to leave him for your safety and your child’s safety. Keep working with the police. You don’t have to forgive him and forget about it just because he’s currently saying he’s remorseful and will change. In fact you really shouldn’t forgive and forget because if he ever slips up (which is likely) you could so easily be killed.

Wishitsnows · 19/08/2025 20:50

He is violent and abusive you need to get away from him immediately. He is now pretending he is interested in marriage and the baby so you minimise it to the police and he doesn’t get prosecuted. He will do it again as soon as he gets off. Well done on your sister reporting. This man is not safe. Take care of yourself and protect you and your baby. Never see this man again or belt his lies. Strangulation is serious, you are lucky to be alive.

FruitNotCake · 19/08/2025 20:48

He will end up killing you if you stay with him. The child will be traumatised if you stay with him. You need to leave him now. I would not have a child with him. It will tie you to him for life and his controlling behaviour will continue even if you manage to safely leave him. Get out now whilst you can. End the pregnancy for everyone’s sake.

LMichelleFxx · 19/08/2025 20:47

I am so sorry you are going through this.

This is not a one off, please for the sake of yours and your unborn child’s safety please leave him. There are charities out there who can help you and hopefully your sister can help support you over the next few months.

Do not spend anytime alone with this man, ensure all contact is supervised by another family member you trust x

Springadorable · 19/08/2025 20:45

Listen to yourself. He has twice tried to strangle you. This can be seen as attempted murder. The police want to prosecute.

Is this someone you would recommend a friend married and raised a child with? Would you say your friend or the child would be happy and safe?

He's a lying violent piece of shit.

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