Are there benefits to waiting for months before you have sex?

Same.

Neither do I!

Of course you were. You even blamed women for men having casual sex.

If wanting good sex makes me selfish then I'm happy to be selfish in this instance. God forbid a woman enjoys sex and wants to be compatible with their partner if they want a long term relationship.

Well, you were lucky enough to meet men who liked you enough to hang around in that case.

Ultimately, do whatever you want. Waiting obviously worked for you, and that's fine. But no, waiting doesn't make you superior and is no more likely to be the basis for a happy relationship than jumping into bed at the first opportunity.

I slept with my DP before we even went on a date, and that was 22 years ago. Still extremely happy together and I also don't feel the need to validate my relationship choices by bragging to random strangers about an afternoon fuck like it's a unique achievement.

The reasons I would always prefer to have sex with someone at the earliest opportunity are:

a) I really enjoy sex and therefore don't wish to abstain from it with someone I fancy. It's a harmless pleasure and I don't see any reason to deny myself harmless pleasures.

b) If I'm not sexually compatible with someone, I'd prefer to find that out early on, rather than building a relationship and then only realising once there's an emotional attachment that the relationship is doomed because we're not sexually in tune with one another.

c) I don't have any qualms about being open about what I want/like in bed straight away - I'd happily express that to someone I was sleeping with on a first date; I don't need to spend six months getting to know them to do that.

d) I would absolutely not want any kind of relationship with a man who judged women for having sex on a first date, or for how many partners they'd had previously. I am only interested in men whose respect for women is not conditional on their sexual behaviour.

e) If I have sex with someone, I'm doing it because I want to have sex with them, not because I'm attempting to cement the possibility of a long-term relationship.

f) I don't equate sexual abstinence with being 'good'.

g) I don't see sex as a gift that women bestow upon men and/or give as a reward for agreeing to a relationship. I like sex as much or more than any man I've ever slept with and I don't see it as a transaction where they get sex from me as a reward for sticking around in a relationship. I see it as something two people do because they both really enjoy it and want to give each other a great time.

Absolutely fine if you don't feel the way I feel. Obviously some people want to wait and of course that's entirely their choice and they should do whatever makes them feel comfortable. But your way is not intrinsically superior. I'm pleased it seems to have made you happy but it's simply what worked for you and for your mindset around sex. It's not better or worse than anyone else's shag schedule.

I wasn't stating anything from a 'fault perspective'. It's hard not to notice how selfish and shallow the women are on here that prioritise the quality of their own orgasms as being at the top of the list when considering a relationship. It may be worth considering that the more men you sleep with the higher bar this becomes as inevitably sleeping with a high number of men you are more likely to experience those who are 'better in bed', rather than viewing sex as being a special part that you and the other person share together.

Another problem with promiscuity is you get women with an expectation of the big muscles, great in bed with a great income and they sleep with them with the misconception that because they can have sex with them they would be interested in a relationship with them. This constant rejection is very damaging to anyone who goes through it which we're seeing more and more, no thanks to social media.

The 'ran through' comment could have been more cleverly thought out, but being honsst that is how it is thought of by the other sex.

I'm with you OP. I always waited at least a couple of months, I wanted to know I was more than a quick shag. If you like someone enough then the sex is never bad IME as you both want to please the other. I've never had a relationship that ended the first time we had sex and never had a relationship end due to sex. I have no interest in sex with randoms I barely know though.

Protect virginity? Protect from what? Virginity is a male created concept to control women and make them appear as male property. Inexperience with most things in life is rarely, if ever, a benefit.

Quality sex is shared, not given.

It would absolutely be a deal breaker for me. I enjoy sex and wouldn't be with someone who is bad at it. I'm not going to put up with crappy sex just to protect a man's happiness and self confidence and I don't see why I should.

You can prioritise all of those desirable traits including good sex.

But ofc some people do like to wait, but personally I don’t know anyone that’s waited longer than 3-4 dates

In my ex husband’s case - boring.

Lights off missionary. Might as well have diarised it. Didn’t believe in female foreplay, because he couldn’t be bothered. Wasn’t interested if anyone else had an orgasm. Of any sort.

Used to say “I’ll be quick,” and invariably… was.

It was like sex was some sort of tick list, and he couldn’t actually be bothered to complete all of it anyway.

He’s a fairly reasonable guy, with a decent income and great family values. He’s also as dull as dishwater in the bedroom, and emotionally 7 years old.

In the two relationships I’ve had (one 6+ years, one 4 years and counting with children) I slept with them both on the first date 🤷🏼‍♀️

@FrenchLavendar nothing happens to them. Sex is about two (or whatever) people together. I’ve had a perfectly enjoyable time with plenty of partners in bed, male and female, and hugged them goodbye with affection and gratitude but haven’t wanted to do it again with them, let alone however many times a week for the rest of my life. For those of us who have a strand of being that allows us to enjoy sex the way others enjoy a round of golf or a yoga class, as a physical hobby, it’s not or not always about auditioning for partners or judging. It’s about the pure physical altered space that is sex. Tbh it’s the nearest I get to a holy experience.

Having read the first dozen or so responses I'm wondering what happens to all the blokes who are deemed to be not good enough in the sex department? The continuous rejection must be terrible for a person's happiness and self-confidence. 😔

Surely, there's more to a person than being "good at" sex? Would that really be a deal breaker? For me, it wouldn't. I would be prioritising other desirable traits: kindness; intelligence; tolerance; understanding; steadfastness and so on.

Ran though. Says more about that person than anything else.

I actually knew dh as a friend for a while before I decided I wanted what I call a ons with him. There was never the intention to date him I just wanted sex. You know the night. Shower, shave, matching undies I was out to get mine. But so far it’s worked out.

I do think there is still that deep rooted bullshit with some men however. That it’s ok for them to shag about and then settle down but if a women’s done that then she’s used goods. Same type of men who think sleeping with 100 dicks would give you a “baggy fanny” but one dick 100 times is good girl.

Can I just ask what would make a decent man (so not violent, thick or selfish) hopeless in bed?
Do people really not know if they would be sexualy compatible until they have sex.
It's just that I've never been disappointed and that's the reason why I would wait, because I don't want to risk bad sex with randoms.

‘Ran through’. Vile!

I don’t like the idea of men liking women to make them wait. Urgh. Is it all about the bloke and their needs then? What if a woman really wants sex?

There’s a lot of men out there (and women who share the view) that women that are ok for a ONS or FWB thing are not relationship material because they’re too ‘easy’.

Fuck that shit. Anyone who judges another person on how quickly they have sex with someone else isn’t worth any of my energy.

I also find it incredibly odd that this seems to be a vehicle to tell Mumsnet that you were boning that afternoon. Big whoop! 😄

Of course, it is all the women's fault.

Even men having casual sex, funny that.

Or am emotional competent human

Gosh, what a terrible shame for you that the old days, when you could incarcerate women who had sex out of wedlock, are so thoroughly gone.

Maybe if you find the sexual mores of 2025 so challenging, just opt for celibacy,, and your all-important virginity can just be ‘protected’ until your dying day.

Urgh.

This makes it so difficult, for women who want to protect their virginity and find a good partner and also for men, who want, for want of better word, a woman that hasn't been ran through by various men.

Someone is disgusting here, and it's not the women who like sex and don't have hangups about it.
"Ran through" is a revolting way to speak about women, shame on you.

Ran through 🤢 take your misogyny and shove it