Are there benefits to waiting for months before you have sex?

People are just different. I find that I have to be in the right mood with someone I'm very comfortable with for me to want to have sex with them but that's just a preference, I can't really make a case for it being the best way to go about it for other people.

Yeah the smugness is unreal

People who like Weatabix or Love Island are incomprehensible to me, but I acknowledge that tastes differ and are subjective, and they won’t necessarily share my taste for gloomy French eighties films or Turkish Delight bars.

Yes, I'm icked as well. Mean, small-minded, self righteous OP. Yuck!

You are extra special Op and so so lucky. I wish I was you.

Is that the validation you were hoping for.

Fuck who you want when you want. Your husband did!

I understand theoretically why people want sex without the deeper connection in place, but I don’t truly understand it because it feels so bizarre to me.

Booze lol. Would be a bit weird going into it sober admittedly (well for me anyway - YMMV).

I wasn't stating anything from a 'fault perspective'. It's hard not to notice how selfish and shallow the women are on here that prioritise the quality of their own orgasms as being at the top of the list when considering a relationship. It may be worth considering that the more men you sleep with the higher bar this becomes as inevitably sleeping with a high number of men you are more likely to experience those who are 'better in bed', rather than viewing sex as being a special part that you and the other person share together.

This is some nonsense you've made up. There is nothing shallow or selfish about also expecting to have a satisfying sex life, with orgasms. And no the bar doesn't become higher - I mean how would you know, anyway, what with your chaste ways?

Another problem with promiscuity is you get women with an expectation of the big muscles, great in bed with a great income and they sleep with them with the misconception that because they can have sex with them they would be interested in a relationship with them. This constant rejection is very damaging to anyone who goes through it which we're seeing more and more, no thanks to social media.

Again, you have no idea. We were all a bunch of cute goth and rock kids with barely a cent to our names, and I never felt rejected - I sometimes had to let the guy know that it was just sex though when they were hoping for something more, but that's it.

The 'ran through' comment could have been more cleverly thought out, but being honsst that is how it is thought of by the other sex.

What kind of gross, misogynist arsehole men do you know then? DH knows I had a fun youth and had far more partners than him, he doesn't give a shit.

I’m just not interested in having sex before the emotional and intellectual connection is in place. I’m not wired that way. I understand theoretically why people want sex without the deeper connection in place, but I don’t truly understand it because it feels so bizarre to me.

But using the very terms promiscuous and promiscuity is in itself both misogynist and judgemental.

As a bi (shock horror, l’ll be damned twice!) 40 something woman, with a professional job, l’ve enjoyed a fair number of special friendships over the years. That does not make me a lesser person or inferior.

It's called sexism.

There is no logical reason. Just the old fashioned views that women 'give' men sex and shouldn't be allowed to enjoy sex, only men are allowed to enjoy sex.

There's obviously a difference between a single person enjoying casual sex and a married person ignoring their commitments and having sex with other people.

I enjoyed a lot of casual sex during my single days, of course it stopped when I entered a serious relationship with my now DH.

I think of it as a test drive, I never let it go past the third date. Imagine being with someone for 6 months and realising they were shit in bed.

That's simply not the case. Women are judged for more harshly for sleeping around, and not just by men, by other women too!

There must be a logical reason for this to be the case as neither men or women, as a collective, view it as negative if men have multiple partners, it's just not a thing that has any bearing on anything.

It may not seem fair or just, but unfortunately women will always be judged more harshly.
Andrew Tate isn't as bad as most make out I feel, he just spouts what I would think is a 14 year old boys perspective of what masculinity means.

Well yes, because when I was single I hadn’t committed to not have sex with whoever, whenever.

I have now, with one man. Should I not want to do that anymore, I can leave him and go back to sleeping with other people.

Infidelity is a completely different thing.

As well you know.

What happens to those blokes is they find somebody right for them.

I can't help but notice either that there are those who don't view virginity or chastity as a virtue or being a good person. Mostly the reason seems to be because women enjoy it and it's pleasurable they should do it. Yet if this was 2 people in a marriage you'd surely view the man as being 'good' if he remained truly faithful to his wife, and 'bad' if he am around sleeping with whoever he desired, whenever he wanted because it was enjoyable and he got pleasure from it.

Just a though....

I'm so icked out by your OP I can't think of an appropriate response 😐

That’s not why.

It’s because some men (Andrew Tate…) don’t like sharing “their” women, even if it was before they ever knew that woman existed.

There’s something in it for some men, being the first person to “conquer” a particular woman. It’s like claiming ownership over them. I fucked it first, so it’s mine.

Plenty of men who have ‘proven’ themselves with others are still dreadful in bed, and a man who has slept around is no more attractive or unattractive than a woman who has.

I wasn't being a misogynist.

Obviously women pay a higher price for having sex by the fact they're the only ones that can get stuck with anoyher human for the next 18+ years. So there's that.

I've often wondered why it puts man off having a woman whose slept about and I think it's easy to take for granted the cool technology we have now but before the introduction of DNA tests, the only way to be sure a man's child was his own would have been if he was with a 'virtuous' woman. That is one that had gone to the effort of saving her virginity for him. That would explain the disgust reaction of most men towards promiscuous women and would make sense why it is so prevalent across society in that it's a natural reaction.

There's no real cost to men having multiple partners and in many instances is more attractive as it shows that he has proved himself with other partners so in a way it's a lazy way of having to go through the process of finding out things for ourselves.

I strongly feel you should do what you are comfortable with. Why start a relationship in a way that you don't like? Sex should be about what you mutually enjoy. So if you both feel up for it on the 3rd date, great. If you wait for a few months and are both happy, also great. My DH and I had been together about a month I think, but I can easily imagine circumstances might have been different.

I think the most important thing is that you are both honest about what you want, like and expect. Anything else seems like you'd be setting yourself up for trouble later.

(Although, would have to put my hands up and say 20 years and 4kids later there's a LOT less afternoon shagging in our house than in our university days! Can't imagine managing that any time soon)

There’s nothing inherently ‘special’ about sex unless you view it that way. In which case, feel free, obviously.

Don't do it, then.

That doesn't mean nobody else should, though.

It's not about being 'good enough'. It's about being compatible.

For example, I would not continue a relationship with a man who didn't like giving oral sex (or who didn't like receiving oral sex for that matter). An aversion to oral sex is a colossal turn-off for me. But of course plenty of women aren't bothered about oral sex either way or actively dislike it, so that man would be sexually compatible with them and they could no doubt have a fulfilling sex life together.

Obviously the other traits you mention are also incredibly important! But sex is equally important to me as the other things are. We're all different - if it's not something you're especially bothered about, obviously you wouldn't need to include it on your list of deal-breakers. But it's as much of a deal-breaker for me as kindness, intelligence, supportiveness, humour, loyalty etc.

Cool misogyny bro.

(Why is the woman “ran through” and not the man?)