Are there benefits to waiting for months before you have sex?

This!

I don’t think it is unreasonable at all if that’s what you want to do. I did very similar for my first BF and didn’t rush with subsequent ones either. I hlad already hit 20 and he was a bit older so pretty experienced and and several girlfriends etc. I was always clear I wasn’t going to be jumping into bed and for him to move on with his next conquest (and also me a virgin). Happily he wasn’t like that. Lovely guy and was already a doctor so starting to be settled professionally and me older than my years. Prob seen as a snob but we got on really well and it lasted for a long time.

it was nearly 3 months before we had sex and we both knew it would happen. He took me away for a long weekend and a lovely hotel and spa in a national park. Was lovely and I have fond memories of my first time, how utterly relaxed it was and him taking so long touching and massaging me. I still see myself as fortunate I didn’t have the experience of some friends of a utter disappointment of a shag and move on.

So I’m with you….holding off lets you get to know them better and see what they really want out of it. I do note in the vote though currently I’m in a minority!!

So what, though? I’m ‘just not interested in’ rugby, camping or Taylor Swift, but the fact that I don’t understand the appeal doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with them.

of course it happens. But like everything else in life it’s risk assessment.

What about those who have been hurt by men they are married to?

Are you all middle aged or older? Maybe from a pre internet violent porn, choking , s& m time? Because younger women of
my acquaintance would regard very early intimacy as extremely risky and dangerous. Far safer to wait until they are fairly certain the guy won’t hurt them.

What risks? I am celibate and cannot think of any adverse experiences I have had as a result.

The main advantage of that man is that I hear women listen out for his name as a mean of knowing which men to stay well clear of.

Andrew shitty Tate. FFS.

I never thought I'd see the day that Andrew Tate was defended on MN, but i suppose that it makes sense that it's by someone who has such contempt for women's sexuality.
I rather suspect that someone isn't a woman.

I don't listen to the hype. This is what they always do to high status people who they feel need to come crashing down. Accuse them of some sleazy action with little to no evidence.

That's not defending Andrew Tate per se as I'd be the same whoever it was but it's wrong to label people things before any evidence has been heard.

I'm the same age as you, OP, and my memory of the 80s are not the same as yours. Of course, many things have changed (the Internet, etc), but the 80s was a time when sex on the first date was common place. Surely you remember? 'Sex is natural' men would say to you if you said no. The Pill changed the power dynamics between men and women for ever. Now your mum's (and my mum's) generation that was different. And why? Because of the Pill.

You were lucky that you found a man that would stay with you in spite of the fact that you hadn't slept with him on the first date. You'd slept with other men before. You're hardly the 'Wise Virgin'.

I’m sure more abortions happen in relationships than from casual sex. More likely to become complacent in a long term relationship than if you’re enjoying casual sex.

STDs is a risk but unless you are barebacking strangers not hugely and again that’s not just the women’s risk.

Look at all those omg I thought I had hit menopause pregnancies from couple who now have grandchildren or are old enough to have grandchildren. All the we have enough children but oooops posts. I’m pregnant but dh doesn’t want to keep it.

Many more than shit I shagged a guy at a bar and now I’m pregnant.

Having had very few relationships and losing my virginity extremely late indeed, I always thought that bad sex likely would be something I’d be able to tolerate quite well. But in reality, in time it really wore me down and I’d start feeling a little nauseous at the thought of it. And yet I fancied the pants off the guy v handsome and fun but the sex - even as a novice lol I recognised as quite awful even after I had attempted to communicate my likes. Think the cliched wham bam, thank you ma’am 😬.

So yes you’re right, good sex does need to be prioritised for an all round happy and healthy relationship I think.

In the end, we split due to other much worse red flags of his but I really learnt something about myself!

Well, I’m glad that everyone can now read that extreme sexist misogynist views also go along with thinking the violent criminal and abuser Andrew Tate is somehow ‘not so bad’. And on behalf of all the lovely 14 year old boys I have known who are more interested in learning to skateboard, helping out with my cats, making brownies and playing Mario Kart than they are in the utter shite that Tate sells, get lost.

About 4 weeks - around our 4th date. We saw each other a lot more often after we confirmed we were sexually compatible 😂

Andrew Tate isn't as bad as most make out I feel,

I mean he's a rapist, a woman beater and a pimp, but you do you.

Obviously these things aren't as bad as being the true evil that is a promiscuous woman.

What if they are rubbish in bed

and I’ve crap shag. Well 2 actually.

one I actually did say was it in - it was …..

two. Useless and literally rubbing /prodding me like polishing a table

if there is crap add as lovely as the man may be it’s never gonna work as the woman wants more. Or even the man is the woman is rubbish

so don’t do on first date but def a few dates in

This. If someone only wants sex then they will disappear after one date, ten dates or however long it takes before they have sex or get bored waiting. Who benefits from dragging it out?

Or worse, you wait, they deem you're worthy, then you're stuck with them until you wise up.
I picture relationships like that to be like Christopher and Adriana in The Sopranos.

Judged harshly by SOME men and SOME women.

Who are misogynists and nobody should listen to misogynists.

Judged harshly by SOME men and SOME women.

Who are misogynists and nobody should listen to misogynists.

This. If someone only wants sex then they will disappear after one date, ten dates or however long it takes before they have sex or get bored waiting. Who benefits from dragging it out?

I really dont understand who would care if a man lost interest because you slept with him quickly. Plenty more that wouldn't, who cares if Mr Red Flag the hypocrite doesn't want a relationship?

Most exciting things in life have an element of risk. I've always been pretty good at risk assessing and skirting on the right side of danger without restricting myself from doing anything fun. It's not that difficult on the whole.

Absolutely, people can be as safe as possible.

Those statistics on abortions aren't just the products of ONS or causal relationships. Married people and those in committed relationships can also decide to terminate a pregnancy for various reasons.

And as for STDs, just because one party within a marriage is monogamous, doesn't mean the other is!