AIBU to stop posting and giving advice on mumsnet

Wow, you seem really sensitive about this.

That's not what I said at all, but I find myself agreeing with you. I've started a few threads on her over the years, but never about anything very serious. Mostly it's my 30 minutes of entertainment while I drink my morning coffee, but I appreciate that other people may view it very differently to me.

If it’s got to 3 or 4 pages I don’t bother.

I also seem to spend a lot of time advance searching posters. And a depressing amount of time that throws up the same poster posting the same complaints about the same cocklodger for months or even years on end.

OP. Helplines often give advice and get no feedback on how things worked out for clients. Of course helplines will and should be staffed by trained professionals. That's why mumsnetters should only give advice if they know what they are talking about although sometimes don't. But it's good when a wide range of posters give advice and the OP can decide what advice is best. And at any stage the OP is free to turn to professionals but that's not always needed. Depends on the problem. I've turned to helplines for advice and not got back but I been helped by helplines and feel grateful. Perhaps just be happy in the knowledge that a person has been helped even if you don't know the outcome

I guess it depends on your pov. If you view mn as just entertainment then I can see why you’d want an update. But I don’t. I genuinely like helping. And if I have information that might make a difference I’d feel guilty for not sharing. And I have no expectations of receiving thanks (though of course it’s great when that happens) or getting an update even though I might be curious.

You’d hate my job then. I work with young people, give advice and invest emotionally. Then never hear the outcome often. Sometimes I do and it’s fantastic.

on threads I choose to join in and if there’s an update great but if not then maybe the op or others read it and gain or maybe they don’t. And that’s ok. It’s my choice to post.

Advice and support is just sowing seeds. Many don’t germinate, many that do don’t thrive. Even the ones that do, the plant takes a long time to flower and fruit.

If you want instant gratification, do something that gives you that.

I work with people in real life on big, difficult problems. Debt, drugs, eviction, harassment. They don’t just magically have a revelation and fix their whole lives in a couple of days! I’ve bumped into people years later and they’d told me I helped. (Of course, I always tell them it’s all them, because it is.) If I didn’t see them, I’d never know. And we have a lot more invested than a post on the internet!

it’s the internet, why overstate your impact? it’s not that deep

This is what I do now too.

Far too many threads these days are from 'one hit wonders' and I'm sick of investing time and energy only to be left swinging.

You can stop posting for any reason you like OP. Just like someone can choose not to update for any reason they like.

Unfortunately I don’t think that one was real. The OP came back with a bizarre update that she had shat all over her husband (yes really) and now all was well between them again with Paddleboard Slapper sent packing back to her own husband.

I remember that thread! So many posters saying you just rush over and pick her up IMMEDIATELY! And yet you wisely left her and she had a great time. Sorry about her wrist!
If it makes you feel better, I once broke two bones in my leg, and was in plaster for 9 weeks after… falling over.

Our 'function' here is to work for free creating content to attract people whose attention is sold to the advertisers on the site.

Then MN and forums are basically pointless.
That's what your post says.

I don’t really want advice, I just basically want someone to hold my hand, but I do try to acknowledge posts.

This should be made clear in the opening post and then posters won't rush in with solutions.

Yes, there is a tendency for posters to overproject and misinterpret things, with a heavy dose of judgement, and you soon find yourself justifying and explaining far beyond the actual purpose of the thread!

This is not to say that MN isn't great for advice, it often is. But posting a thread can be terrifying and sometimes leads you off on a merry dance to nowhere.

Assuming that OP had received more than one reply then did you expect them to reply thanks to every single one or just yourself?

Strangers lives on the internet aren't there for your entertainment. Nor are you their paid therapist. Real life stories are very rarely tied up neatly in a bow, never mind within 10-12 pages of a single thread. They are often complex, with huge amounts of untold backstory, that no one else would ever really understand.
By all means read and give advice, but no one is making you do either of those things.
It sounds a bit like you're getting too tied up in other people's lives. These are strangers, and ultimately nothing to you. If it's costing you too much of your own emotional energy, then stop.

Yeah, but no. As someone who has several times started threads which posters have piled onto accusing me of being a troll and reported me to MN, I can tell you that posters like you are not as good as spotting trolls as you think. I've noticed that being accused of being an AI bot is a current favourite. Been accused on that on a thread I started too.

I think what you mean is that the OP didn't pay you the attention and gratitude you craved.

Expecting people to acknowledge and follow your advice, and then update you, is creepy. Parasocial relationships are frightening. Don't get overinvested. It's a choice to reply to a thread. You're effectively forcing your opinion on someone, it doesn't mean that they'll like it or do as you suggest, maybe they'd rather disregard it and move on.

This thread is a good example of ‘me, me, me’ culture where everyone makes everything about themselves.

If you are giving advice for validation of yourself, you have a problem.

Gosh the sense of entitlement is strong here.

Also hadn't realised how many posters seem to think they are some kind of MNs answer to Oprah.

This is incredibly narcissistic.

We reply for our own reasons and the act is altruistic if we are posting to help someone.

We cannot expect a person in trouble to prioritise rewarding us by making us feel seen or heard or that ' we made a difference'.

We post to offer help and hope that it helps. And that it all.

There are some people who have made really positive life changes based on posts here. Sometimes you see a thread where a woman is like 'is my dh being unreasonable for not letting me do xyz?' and it turns out xyz is only the tip of a very large iceberg, and you see the OP slowly realising she is being abused. Maybe she won't respond then, (perhaps her husband is monitering her online activities) maybe it will take months or years. But people do listen and take advice and comfort.

Really? Are you only happy to listen to friends worries if they will take your advice? I think a lot of people just need to talk and feel listened to, don’t they?