To feel like I’ve wasted my life

Hey op your not wasting your life your building it. kids and husbands are not the only thing you can achieve. degrees can open lots of doors so you might think you wasted time on training for a solicitor role but all this work experience gets you in a good place to evolve. I hope you get your happy ever after but shit happens and you can rise above it you just need patience.

I love your thread. I didn't have anyone rehearsing all thos with me when i was your age. My father was forceful, perfectionist and I did the degree for him. He wanted to take credit out of possible high flying career from me

My life turned OK. I too wanted a boy then a girl. God gave me a girl and secondary infertility....be positive....be happy

Agree totally, and 30 is still very young.

You're only 26. At your age I did something similar. I'll likely never be able to buy a house either, but so what. I have proven that I can work hard, that I can get qualifications and that I won't settle for something that makes me unhappy.

And so have you. At 26 your life hasn't even started and you already have multiple degrees. That's the opposite of a wasted life.

If you knew about my life, you would realise you haven’t wasted yours. Action the change you want. 💐

I think in many ways you are fortunate, OP. Some people realise these things when they have very little life left to live! You’re young, you have taken control of your life and you’ve made a change - that’s brilliant. And if you don’t like the next job, guess what! You just try something new again and see if that is more fulfilling/enjoyable. Before I had kids, I changed industry twice before finally finding the career that I love - you have time!

I think with this new change, it’s also important to think about whether you’re putting too much weight on your career being the thing that makes you happy. Yes, it needs to be enjoyable and fulfilling but to really enjoy life, you need to make sure you’re enjoying life away from work. Meeting friends, hobbies, travel - what ever you can afford/want to do/have the time or energy for. Some people are totally driven in life by work and get great fulfilment from career success. It’s okay if that’s not you and if you find that work is just a job.

Good luck with your new job and remember it’s just a job - if it’s not right you have plenty of time to have a think, make a plan and then make another change.

That's great that you want to own your own home, but you don't have to do it in your twenties. Most people don't, because housing in the UK is expensive. Absolutely save towards it as a goal, but you don't need to worry about buying somewhere to live imminently.

Can I gently suggest that maybe moving away from your small town and to somewhere a bit livelier might help? It doesn't have to be a big city if that's not your thing, but a town with more going on, more people your age, and more for you to get involved with outside of work would do wonders for you.

I get it, we all have ideal futures mapped out for us in our heads. But we also have to be prepared to let life change us and be open to new opportunities. When I was your age I thought I'd be married with kids in the suburbs by the age I am now. I thought that was what I wanted because it was the only life I saw growing up. However, once I started mixing with a wider range of people of different ages and backgrounds, and saw a multiplicity of different ways to live a life, I realised that I didn't want those things and that was ok. I'm now nearly 40, single, childfree, living in a flat in central London, and absolutely loving the life I never imagined for a minute I would have when I was 26.

You don't know what you don't know. And you won't learn anything new unless you shake your life up and allow yourself to meet new people and have new experiences beyond the limited ones you have had so far.

When you're 26 you don't realise that you're still really, really young.

You might change careers two or three times between now and finding what you actually want to do. You might never find the one thing you love so much you want to do it your whole life, and do lots of rewarding things for short stretches of time.

You've qualified as a solicitor- even if you never practise, that's a huge achievement and the transferrable skills are numerous and will be recognised in any role.

You have so much time to buy a house, meet a partner, have babies if that's what you choose. You're not behind.

I wanted to say that I hear you. My 20s were a very tough time for me too, and I felt like I'd wasted my life and potential (I ended up in a futile and badly paid research job), and my relationships weren't a great sucess either.

However, I also wanted to say that just because you feel this way now, doesn't mean that you'll feel this way forever.

For instance, could you use your law qualification simply as a platform to move on to other, non-lawyer, roles?

I know that it's so painful to be in this position, but can you hang in there and take small steps to help you get in a better place?

I also think that certain people go into certain professions or get certain qualifications due to family expectations (or because you think it's the "right" thing to do, and it seems to be relatively common to feel horrible existential angst when you realise you can't stand this profession.

Well done for completing your degree and also realising this. Personally I would quit retraining and get a job. Many people don’t use their degrees in what they expect. Save some money go travel and find your husband. Also get some therapy and find out why you have done what every one else wanted you to.

Do like people and sales? How about legal
recruitment ? Of if you like figures - ATE insurance? You also said you like helping people? Maybe a shift to legal aid law or
a charity? ( you won’t earn well but you’ll likely be happier )

In house lawyer, public sector.

I loathed working in the private sector. Did 10 years, had two small children and it was horrendous. Genuinely thought I was done with law. Moved into the public sector and honestly I have never looked back.

I’m doing a job that matters, that makes a real difference. It’s so flexible I can take my kids to school every day and pick them up from after school club at the back of 4. Salary isn’t at the lofty heights of the private sector but it’s still pretty good and the flexitime/pension/holidays more than make up for it anyway.

Jesus Christ, OP. You're 26.

At your age, I had no thought of settling down or having a career.

I'd lived and worked abroad, moved between a range of different houseshares, and was wholly focused on having fun and new experiences. That is what your twenties are for. Not for buying houses and settling down. You've got your whole life for that.

While you're young, healthy and energetic, you should be making the most of what this wonderful world has to offer. Living at home with your parents and studying for so long has left you trapped in a life where you have little independence, variety or adventure, and you've not had the chance to spread your wings or discover what else might be out there for you. It's no wonder you feel exhausted and fed up, and that you're holding onto quite an idealised, and quite childlike image of a country cottage with a husband and two children as your 'perfect' future - you've not had enough life experience to imagine a life beyond that.

It's fine not to be ambitious career-wise - but it's not fine to want to place your future happiness on finding a 'perfect' man and having two 'perfect' children, because other people are never going to be perfect and you can't build your identity on something external to you. 50% of marriages end in divorce and your children don't belong to you - they are independent entities with minds and hearts of their own, and expecting them to fulfil you is asking for trouble. You may also not end up with children who fit your picture of this ideal. Out of my group of friends who have had kids (I'm almost 40), one was born with severe disabilities that means they will never be able to live independently, another had a child who developed cancer and died before their first birthday, and another's child has been diagnosed with severe autism. All of these women are now finding that parenthood is something that is very far from the ideal they were promised, and their lives have become incredibly challenging in different ways as a result. I'm not saying this will happen to you, I'm just saying - you can't build your life on a dream over which you have no control.

First and foremost, move out. Get into a houseshare and start making friends your own age. You need a social circle. Your friends are your life in your twenties and I had so much fun travelling and adventuring with mine at that age.

Worry less about finding the right job for you. If you don't care about work anyway, just do whatever seems fun and interesting for now. It doesn't have to be forever.

Forget about buying a home any time soon. It doesn't matter. Just save what you can towards the future goal of buying every month and enjoy yourself on the rest of your income. Being a homeowner is not the be all and end all of life and no one I know bought anything before the age of 35 unless a grandparent died and left them shedloads of money. Most of my friends are still renting well into their 40s and 50s (we're in London). No one cares. It's not a sign of success as a person to have been able to buy a house - largely it's about who has family money and who doesn't these days.

Honestly, from someone over a decade older than you - you're so young. Worry less, enjoy your life more. Without wanting to sound morbid, I've had friends not make it to beyond the age of 35 for various reasons. That has been a huge wake up call for me. We are not guaranteed an old age. We have to enjoy the time we have and not wish our lives away focusing on achieving some imagined perfect future that may never come.

You should definitely make sure to qualify, OP, having got this far. You may want to go back to the law part-time later on. If you haven't tried it, I'd recommend trust & probate work. I did it on-and-off for years. It's 50% basic admin skills (you need to be numerate) interspersed with dealing with clients who are either lovely and grateful or so utterly greedy and appalling that it's a joy to thwart them!

Good luck and have fun.

What about Teaching English as a Foreign language? There’s a short course to qualify, and you already have a degree or two - with a TEFL qualification you could teach and travel your way around the world! Forget about what all the rich old people at work are doing, focus on doing what makes you feel good about yourself and makes you happy. “Your vibe attracts your tribe!” 26 is very young in the grand scheme of things! I hope all your dreams come true 😊

I hated a lot in my twenties!! It’s a very turbulent time. You’ll be more likely to have the things you’d like with a good job so I’d probably say find a role around law that you do like. The NHS is notoriously stressful and crap!

Be kinder to yourself xxx

Well done on what you've achieved, really you should be proud of yourself💐 try looking at some organised activity trips for singles, or maybe volunteering, so much out there.
Have fun for a while xxxx

My TC was soul destroying. The hours poured into those two years and it was never enough. I could have worked 24/7. The atmosphere was awful because everyone was exhausted and stressed.

I moved to a different firm and it’s honestly night and day. The support, the team, the work - really eye opening so maybe don’t write law off completely, just yet.

The environment you're in sounds stifling. I wonder if you changed office/job you'd feel much better.

I was reading an article recently and it was saying how if you had a best friend at work, it made things so much easier to go in every day.

If you're lonely at work, it makes things much harder.

That sounds like you. It may be you could have a better time even within the legal world, if you had the opportunity to connect with young people like yourself on a daily basis but as things stand you're all alone.

I had a spell of that when I was 24 and I felt so low.

Don't think that's it though, it really isn't. There's so much more to life.

Also, I'm another which is going to say a) being married is bloody hard work b) kids are even harder work and c) I've stayed at home and feel like I've wasted my life. I studied law but never qualified! And I regret that a lot so there we go... swings and roundabouts...

Most people don't get that until their 30s/40s. You've got ages.

On the contrary, you’d be wasting your life if you continued as a solicitor when you hate it. Far better to get out now (and not get used to the pay) as you have plenty of your working life left to do something more fulfilling.

Also, your qualifications are not wasted - the skills you will have acquired during your TC are transferable.

I think you should personally raise a fucking glass at being out of what is a toxic profession (trust me, at 46 with 2 young kids and a whopping mortgage - and we can’t sell for numerous reasons, it’s too late for me - you are blessed)

How about going out and living your life before giving it up for this type of life? I have all that now but fondly remember life without such a mental load. There's also no guarantee you'll have this type of life either and even if you do it's not always easy. Go live and love your own life before looking to add more to it. Travel if that's what you want, I did that for two years and I don't regret a second of it.