To feel like I’ve wasted my life

OP, I'm 50 and a teacher and sometimes I feel like I haven't decided what I want to be when I grow up yet!

I remember 26. My son is 26. You're barely an adult. You can't have wasted your life by 26 simply because so little of it has happened!

It’s not stale at all unless you let it become stale. I’m over 25 years qualified and have changed my area of specialty 4 times now to keep things fresh. I think OP should look at changing the area of law she’s been doing before throwing in the towel.

I'm 21 years qualified as a solicitor and hate it.

Get out now while you can otherwise you really will waste your life doing a job you hate.

You’re 26. You haven’t wasted your life.

If it’s any consolation, I work in law and I barely know a single solicitor who wouldn’t jack it in if they were younger and could get the same pay elsewhere - once you’ve built a stupidly expensive lifestyle and got a massive bloated mortgage based on the salary, it’s very difficult to get out.

Don't rush into anything though, it’s a varied profession with lots of alternative roles.

There are many non-solicitor roles you can do with your training. Don't rush into anything.

On the contrary being mum has completely worked out for me. I’m simply being realistic and honest that being a mum isn’t zenith of women’s achievement and it does not define you as an individual. Some people people are messianic about being a mum as if it resolves every problem melts away any doubts and gives you this overarching role that you have for the rest of your life and that you maintain a gloriously happy state just happy to be Mum.. as a as a society we portray motherhood as the ultimate thing that women should want to attain above all else including career and self development. I would advise any any woman to maintain her career and her own money and not lose yourself in being Mum don’t be a housewife don’t give up work keep your own money.

you only have to look at Mumsnet threads to see posts from new parents and mothers who aren’t completely satisfied with being a parent and wonder what’s happened to their career and life and they are not immediately propelled into a habitually happy state just because they are a mother

In one way you say you would quite happily be a secretary for the rest of your life and earlier you said that the NHS interview had a positive feel as they spoke openly about their hopes of promoting you quite quickly……the 2 ways of thinking don’t really align, do you think you know what you really want

OP, of course you haven't "wasted your life". You're 26 and you've worked incredibly hard. Take a break, have fun. Nobody ever said everyone has to be a wildly ambitious high-flyer.

Kindly though, I do think it's a bit worrying that "all you've ever wanted" is to be a mum and that you've designed the life you want so rigorously. Not because this is a bad thing to want, but because there are plenty of women who find out they're infertile and they can't have that, so don't hang all your hopes on it. If you can't be a mum it's not the end of your life, either.

Please tell me you’re going to stick out being a solicitor for long enough to get the qualification? Do not jack it in before qualifying!

It might be a bit left field but I know people who have worked as match stewards because they loved being at the game.
one of them met their partner doing that - are you anywhere near a club you could do that?

You sound burnt out OP. Take some time to just be. You’re really young yet and the complete opposite of a failure. You’ve demonstrated incredible capability and maturity/resilience in completing a degree your heart wasn’t in. I think that’s pretty bloody amazing tbh.
You’ve mentioned travel and helping people. Can I ask what aspects of law/solicitor you don’t like?
As for being a Mum I’m sure that will come one day. Enjoy your time to go be free meanwhile.

My sister is a solicitor and 50. She has never had a partner or kids, both she wanted. The career just ate away at her. The photos make has to see, the statements she reads, the people she as to put away - they are the scum of society. And she works long hours. She once told me she would have liked to be a mum.

OP, you still have time in your side. All the best 💐

You sound like me @WastedMyPotential! I got my dream, married in my 20s and 3 kids (all girls just like I wanted) before I was 30 in fact I’m 42 now and my DD1 is 20 and it’s fabulous always has been. I have never found being a mum particularly difficult and for me it’s so enjoyable (my favourite job in the world!).

however I am so so glad I listened to friends and didn’t give up work and still climbed the career ladder alongside my family. I work in marketing and granted being a young-ish mum, it took my longer than some of my child free peers but I am quite senior now and earn decent money so we have a lovely (not extravagant) life a decent house in a nice area with good schools.

All of this is important because having your own career and sense of self is not only good for you but also when your kids get older you aren’t their world and although you are always a mum I have found having pride in my work and a new renewed sense of ambition has really hit as my kids have grown and I’m glad I haven't had to start at the bottom at my age.

my point is have other focuses, by all means dream of being a mum, but also find something else you love and if it’s not work, then travel, or hobbies etc. life doesn’t always work out in the order you think (or want), so keep an open mind and keep you options wide open too.

you are still so young and by all means very intelligent and capable. There will be many career paths that would love to have you (I for one have hired several Law graduates in marketing).

your life has just started and it’s very exciting for you!

If all you want is to be a mum and have a husband and dog then you should pursue that; but it is good to have a job and some money and independence; you don’t know when you will need it.

I know someone like you, only wanted to be a mum and that is what she has been; had another child in her early 40s when oldest grown up, married twice, second marriage was to someone who already had 4 kids who she also helped raise on top of the two she had from first marriage, when they all grown up and moved out she had another with her second husband,

She has a simple life which is what she wanted.

You said you always done what your family wanted for you; time to do what you want for yourself; everyone is different and have different dreams and priorities,

She wants to be a mum though. I understand may be this hadn't worked for you but might for her

Taking other people’s ideas as your plans is pretty common, I’m sure I did it and could never see a ‘career path’ in my chosen vocation. Now, at 47, I’m a few months away from qualifying into a new area that I can also apply to my old job and I’m so excited to start! But it took me till 45 to find this path, so you have loads of time to try different things and make mistakes and still find a way to be happy.

Finding sociable activities is definitely the way forward to find a potential husband and father for the children you want, though, so well done for coming up with those resolutions. I met my husband through a common interest, much less faff than OLD! Good luck :-)

You don’t have to work as a solicitor! With your qualifications you could apply the skills to any work and make it interesting. Even the NhS has need of solicitors or at least their skills. Your life is absolutely not wasted at all! Get a huge piece of paper and write down everything you’re interested in doing, not matter how outlandish. Circus performer? What skills do you need? Can any of your skills be applied? You’d be amazed at the scope of things out there that don’t revolve around working in a solicitors office 9-5. Good luck

Those are great goals 😄 👍

Having kids ain’t all that btw, it doesn’t fulfill or define you.it just makes you a working mum with plates to spin. I think it’s a big myth we are sold being a mother is ardest job in world. It really isn’t. Dont lose yourself in pursuing being mum and don’t be a housewife, maintain your own money, get a career

Then dont do it. Just pass your exams, then do something else or it will be a waste x

Why don't you do a TEFL qualification and go abroad and teach for a year or two? This will allow you to save up some money, see the world and meet new people. Possibly a good way to have a break too as you sound absolutely exhausted! This is what I did around your age and the company I did mine with paid for everything.