To feel like I’ve wasted my life

Earlier on the thread you mentioned that your plan had always been something like "study, qualify, marry, have children" and I can't help wondering if there's an element of security driving that. You will most likely have been supported by another adult through all of that, and you've written about the pressure on you to study so it sounds like these haven't all been independent choices so far. Why not use this time to try out who you are without another person to guide you? You don't know what direction it will take you - and you still might land back with the boy, girl, husband and house that your 26yo self dreams about. Or you might land somewhere completely different given a bit of time to explore. The world is a big and wonderful place - stay curious.

You also mentioned the NHS grad scheme. It brings lots of opportunities, but also a lot of work. You have to be pretty driven and put the hours in. Sharp elbows help. I worked with some of the most inspiring people I've ever met in the NHS - and also a few of the most unpleasant. I didn't find my post-grad scheme career compatible with a family, especially not with an autistic child thrown into the mix, and now I work for a charity where the pay is atrocious but most days I feel good about the little ripples I can send out into the world before I shuffle back into the soul destroying job of parenting an asd teen going through a rough year. What's important/what works might well change for you between 26 and 36 and 46, so make sure you keep some choices open for yourself.

I think a lot of us, including me, don't understand what you are complaining about.

You studied law. You don't like it. So what?

Lots of people do degrees in one area, and then work in a completely different area.

The woman that I know that did a law degree, does not work in law now. She works in a different area

Get into a different career.

I felt the same in my 20s, hated my jobs, could barely afford rent in London, had crappy boyfriends. Retrained in my late 20s and now love my job but did the training slowly so I could afford it. Moved to another city so could buy a flat at age 30 (which I think is quite young to get on the property ladder). I know it’s tough but you need to think about how you can make changes to get out of this rut as only you can do it.

OP - I haven't read the full thread so apologies if someone else has already suggested what I will.

Did you post a while back about the stress of having absolutely no money and living at home while trying to qualify?

If so, well done for completing which is brilliant!

If you're looking for work-life balance, mission-oriented work and getting away from the billable hours culture, you could look at the Government Legal Department: Working for GLD - Government Legal Department - GOV.UK

Also search on 'legal' under 'role' in https://www.civilservicejobs.service.gov.uk/ - there isn't much right now but you can set up alerts. I've also heard good things about the NHS management training scheme.

You'll soon find that your evenings are opening up, once you're qualified, and can start living your life. 26 is young!

Most people?

Most women that I know do not want children. I don't either.

I think most just people want a stable home, a couple of dc and a dog. But you work towards it. You try and get a decent paying job you like to afford the deposit. You find yourself with hobbies and travel to get out there and meet potential partners. Then when you have some security you think about dc. It's a journey. It doesn't just fall in your lap overnight. Everything you learn along the way is useful. Take baby steps towards your goals.

Hey OP, you’re doing great so far, honestly give yourself some credit for everything you have achieved and seen thru even tho u hated it - this has taught you to be disciplined and determined and these are all transferable skills to another future role. I have only just found my dream job aged 42, and had a kid at 39, so don’t get yourself all worked up about not knowing exactly what you want to do and how much everyone else seems all sorted.

I hear how much you want your own family, but before you try to settle down I really would recommend that you fulfil your dream of going travelling, for a year or two. Try lots of different things and focus on finding out more about yourself, what your core values are and give yourself permission to have fun just for fun’s sake. You still have plenty of time to find a partner and have kids, time is on your side for at least the 10- 14 years anyway!

HAVE A BLAST. You only get one life ❤️grasp it by the horns and take it for a joy ride. 🚘 🌍 🤩

It’s a very broad profession and encompasses even just amongst practising let alone allied jobs. What type of law are you practising and in what environment I.e corporate, charity sector etc. If you don’t like what you’re currently doing as a solicitor could you move to another area/environment? You like helping people: law centres, solicitor at organisation like Women’s Aid? Government legal service? You could work for the NHS as a lawyer defending med neg claims. Work as a lawyer at Law Commission researching areas of law for reform?

It’s fairly typical not to be ambitious in terms of partnership but instead to be focused more on your personal life, your family etc. professional bodies are highlighting that as a major change in legal recruitment, that entrants to the professional are increasingly focused on values and balance etc rather than pay and progression.

Why not apply for one of the graduate schemes run by one of the big financial institutions. There you could rotate around departments in your “graduate role” and discover something that makes you passionate. There may be something your skills could be transferred to such as risk or regulation, or even something different like strategy or HR.

You will also get to meet lots of people who are young and like minded (and maybe find that husband as a bonus! But please don’t just aim for that, you are still so young…I didn’t have kids till late 30s and loved travel and life first).

You're 26! Relax, you have all these degrees & expectations.. if you want to travel, travel! Work as you go, god knows I & millions others did, there's no rush to have all the milestones

FWIW I feel like I've wasted my life by not being a panda carer in China but I've still not given up hope

Relax OP, you just need a break, time off to reset. I wouldn't throw the towel in yet and I also wouldn't rush to have a family. You're still young - your 20s are for having fun. You will have plenty of friends that wish they were in your position. Grass isn't greener on the other side, the grass is greener where you water it. It sounds as if you're really accomplished, you've achieved alot!
I always wanted to be a fashion designer, slogged away since the age of 15, landed my dream job after uni, except it was on 16k, and I worked 24/7 & it wasn't at all what I expected, I was miserable and had no money. I took a year off, moved back home and guess what - I hated that even more and couldn't wait to get back to the city. Fast forward 16 years - I live overseas, I have my own business as a freelance fashion designer, a husband and child and I didn't buy my first home until I was 33. I love where I am in my life. But mid 20s I felt lost, like I was doing it wrong, frantically trying to tick the boxes of getting a boyfriend, family, home. Now as I near 40, I'm glad I spent my 20s having fun- you don't get that time back. By all means pursue the NHS career just make sure you can go back to being a solicitor - there's no wrong decision, just own it whatever you do and things can always change. I will add I was a SAHM for 4 years ans hated it and I thought I'd love it. There's also alot to be said for earning a decent wage where you don't have to worry about money - takes time to get there but takes alot of the pressure off.

Readi your posts I’m kind of surprised that you don’t talk about using your learning and qualifications in a social justice role, practice or policy. So many opportunities to make a difference by helping individuals or communities. Having a life partner and a family are fine aspirations but you still need to plan to support yourself (and potentially children). Using law isn’t just about helping people to make and keep wealth.

You haven’t wasted your life but you have spent far too long enough studying without purpose!

You now need to settle down and actually start working. If you don’t want to stay in the law then fair enough, find something else, try local government, the charity sector, civil service etc. If in a few years time you still want to retrain in the NHS then you will have maturity and life experience to bring and will be a more attractive candidate for what is a very competitive entry sector if you are thinking of nursing.

At some point in your life you have to stop being an eternal student and start growing up.

I clicked on to this thread to sympathise - I'm 61 and feel the same, but you have loads of time!

Dd1 got an excellent law degree, top in class of her Masters but is currently working very happily at 31 in an entirely different industry. Be happy not tied to the fact everyone wants you to be a solicitor.

Good luck! Always yes to travel - travel by yourself is liberating (for most) and confidence building.

You need to finish the three days to qualify as a solicitor because that will help you get other jobs.

I know it doesn’t feel like it, but at 26 you’ve got so much time for things to turn around.

When I was that age I had a similar number of qualifications, absolutely no prospect of owning my own home, and it felt like no hope of finding a husband or starting a family. It’s all happened for me though, including a career change. Things won’t change if you’re not proactive, but you are being proactive (and brave) by jumping into a new career, so good for you!

I have changed careers three times. I did a post grad law degree which I never did anything with. I bought a house in my 20s when houses were like 100 grand, then sold it and spent the money. Then had to atart again. Ive tried all sorts of things that did or didnt work out. You have a great experience with law that will be useful whatever career you end up doing. You have an exciting new start in the nhs coming up. You are 26 and have most of your life ahead of you.
Google is your friend here, dont look at stupid fake instagram and tiktoka of people pretending they have these perfect lives. Research proper people, searches like, people who got successful in later life, women who are successful in the nhs, inspirational nurses, inspirational people who turned their life around, numbers of young people out of work, things like that. It will give you some perspective on what is normal rather than the crap you see on socials. Because you are successful already. You made it through a law degree and solicitor training, youve secured a successful contract with the NHS, youre young, alive and the world is still your oyster. You have done a lot more and have achieved a lot in just 26 years. Well done, its quite something to be where you are right now.

Have you considered that you could use your legal training to work in the NHS or something similar, where you can help people but not waste your qualifications? Or potentially a different type of work? There are lots of different types of law firms and law, not all of which are what you would traditionally expect, and you might find that one of those would suit you. I hated everything I did when training as a solicitor, until I did personal injury, and absolutely loved it, as I was properly able to assist people who'd had serious injuries and make a difference to their lives. Worth considering.

Omg I felt the same when I’d just qualified in my 20s . I was SO burned out and hated law. I went travelling for many months and came back like a new person. I tried a different area of law and now I’m living the inhouse dream. No time recording- good work. Flexibility. It’s bliss.

Id really encourage you to give law another shot. By all means have a break - I’m sure you need it. But not all legal jobs are created equal.

You need to take risks, face your fears if you want to turn your life around.

It is easy but you don’t want to regret it later on.

I feel you!
I’m a few years older, but the pressure to go to college and university was ridiculous. Myself, my siblings, 80% of my friends (and most of the people I went to uni with) have degrees they are getting no use out of, working crap paid jobs to pay the bills.

right now, you have so much freedom! take advantage of that! You don’t know where life may take you in the next year, or two, or five!

Enjoy being in the process of becoming 🩷

Sometimes life makes you rethink and that’s great. Your plans to expand your social life sound good. I have done a number of different jobs and learned things from all of them. As previous posters said, you don’t want to be climbing a ladder that you don’t want to be on, so climb down and try something else. I have recently started a whole new career in my 50s. You sell a large proportion of your life to work so make sure it’s something you want to be doing or at least that the benefits make it worthwhile.

Sounds like you definitely need a break - I’ve been there, but with a medical degree. Got into a top uni and dropped out, just totally burned out and couldn’t do it anymore.

18 years later, after working a dead end job for a year to scrape enough to go to Aus for 6 months, I came back and whilst it wasn’t easy and I’ve had a few ‘car crash’ relationships, I have a completely unrelated professional qualification I achieved vocationally, a reasonably paid career and am married with a DC.

I know you may not believe it now but you are still young. Make the most of living at home, spend some time travelling (enjoy the F1!!!) and reassess when you get back :)

Take a gap year. Travel. Have a disastrous, heartbreaking relationship. Be a Mum at 36, not 26.