Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is my partner being unreasonable?

58 replies

RainbowStars27 · 19/08/2025 07:19

I just wanted to get others opinion as it is really causing an issue atm!

I am a first time mum to a 4 week old little girl. I have recently discovered she sleeps far better with white noise, so I have bought a little portable white noise machine. This has been working well and I have been getting a good few hour stretches of sleep in at night!

My boyfriend has recently gone back to work and is now saying he cannot sleep with the white noise playing in our bedroom (where she sleeps). He utterly refuses to have it on, which means she sleeps for shorter stretches and wakes easily - if she falls back asleep at all. It is also me doing all the nights as he is back to work - fair enough.

This has resulted in me and her sleeping in the living room (on sofa and in Moses basket) from about 12am every night, so I can carry on playing white noise.

I understand that it is important for him to get his sleep as he is working, but I can’t help feeling this is a little unfair on me and her. The white noise volume is very low and my back is starting to hurt sleeping on the sofa!

Please give me your honest advice and opinions, am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
MrTiddlesTheCat · 19/08/2025 07:39

Why does working mean he can't do night waking or have his sleep disturbed. Why is he more important than you and your baby?

prgnt · 19/08/2025 07:32

He’s working in the day - fair enough. Are you not doing anything in the day then?
How are his hours at work? Are you not working hard to keep a little human alive 24/7?
Is he a brain surgeon? What kind of work does he do and how detrimental is a little tiredness to it? Surely not as bad as being sleep deprived whilst looking after a baby? (I always used to say it to my husband - what’s worse: making an error in the emails / PowerPoint or me falling asleep unsafely with a newborn in the daytime because I’m sleep deprived?)

based on your responses to the above, does his sleep really trump yours and baby’s sleep??

Ohlifelife · 19/08/2025 07:27

Personally I don 't think using white noise for a wee baby is a good thing. The good chances are that it will become dependent on needing the white noise to sleep. And there is the danger of damaging the child's hearing.
Tbh I have some sympathy with the baby 's Dad because it would drive me mad.

QuickFawn · 19/08/2025 07:24

Another useless selfish partner

courageiscontagious · 19/08/2025 07:24

What a prick. I’m guessing he’s selfish and mean in other ways as well.

theres a newborn. You just gave birth after a long pregnancy and he can’t suck up having a white noise machine?

he should be on the couch is the short term issue. Mid-long term issue is to look at whether he is a good enough person to share your life with.

don’t have another baby until your partner grows up.

Jackie246 · 19/08/2025 07:22

Dear god what an utter bellend he is. Of COURSE he is being unreasonable. Tell him to buy one of those headband earphone things and get a grip, he has other people to accommodate in his life now. And if he can’t abide the white noise then HE should sleep on the sofa, not his newly postpartum wife. Honestly the lack of care and consideration he is showing you is staggering.

adlitem · 19/08/2025 07:21

Why doesn't he sleep on the sofa? Why is his sleep more important than that of you and his daughter?

He's not unreasonable to not be able to sleep with white noise (I can't either), but he should take himself elsewhere, not you.

TheNightingalesStarling · 19/08/2025 07:21

Have youbtried turning it back on when your partner is asleep?
Surely your baby waking is more disturbing? Tell him he can sleep on the sofa or use ear plugs if his sleep is that vital

(Plus he can take his turn at night time get ups at weekends!)