Is my partner being unreasonable?

Partner can sleep on sofa, you can stay in bedroom with baby. You’re both working - he is working at his job, you’re working FT caring for baby.

You are both important. He needs to work, you need to look after a baby.

I think considering you're the one doing the wakes, you should be free to to have the conditions that make your job easier.

Has he given it time to get used to it? He could try ear plugs? As a last resort you could share who gets priority, you can have it for a month, then he can have it for a month or something like that.

I'd find his attitude a bit hard to tolerate if I'm honest. When we brought our first baby home, my husband would do half the night with the baby to give me a break and didn't once complain about the fact that he had work the next day. He knew it was hard and that he needed to do his bit.

Unless his job is something unusual he should share the night parenting. You need to be well and awake enough to look after DC safely and recover from birth and be safe yourself.

Don’t go down the road to exhaustion or danger by prioritising his wishes/wellbeing over yours and DC. Been there done that and had some awful near misses as a result.

I don't think either of you is being unreasonable, but you do need to come to an amicable and workable agreement here.

Do you have a spare bedroom? Partner could/perhaps should sleep in there for now. If not then he can sleep on the sofa assuming it is reasonably comfortable. Is it a sofabed?

Or, he can wear earplugs in the bedroom if he can tolerate them (not everyone can, and I doubt that I could).

White noise isn't damaging to babies' hearing. That's bollocks unless it is played at very high volume. My three all used to sleep while the washing machine, vacuum cleaner, radio etc. were on, sometimes all at once! None went deaf at all.

That said, I would still slowly (over weeks or a couple of months) wean your baby off the white noise machine simply because it isn't a long term solution. At least reduce the volume as much as possible.

I’ve been in an almost identical situation around 10 months ago, and more recently due to sleep regression. There’s no way you and baby should be relegated to the lounge. Get a decent inflatable bed and he can sleep in the lounge if it’s such an issue. Baby’s needs trump his.

Why are you sleeping on the sofa and not in the baby's room? This presumably isn't going to be short term so if there isn't already a bed there, could you get a cheap and cheerful one to see you through?

He needs to sleep elsewhere or wear earplugs. What an arsehole

He should either wear ear plugs or sleep on the sofa himself

White noise in the bedroom with the baby and you. Earplugs or sofa for Boyfriend. Also, don't let him away with saying that most or all of the baby care is up to you (he sounds like the type); yes, if you're on maternity leave you have full responsibility while he's at work but otherwise it should be split fifty fifty. It may seem difficult at first especially if you're breast feeding, so a little extra effort on his part may be needed and that can include listening to you when you tell him what's needed.

Any man who would see a new mother and a newborn sleeping on the sofa rather than sticking himself a pair of earplugs in, or god forbid supporting her to also get some sleep is a total dickhead.

Having a newborn affecting his sleep is it? He is a selfish prick OP.

Totally understandable that he can't sleep with white noise and totally understandable that you and baby sleep better with it. So obviously someone has to move.....

But, four weeks after giving birth and HE is happy to hog the bed , leaving YOU sleeping on the sofa????????????

Unbefuckinglievable.

This was my husband many years ago, I was the one on the sofa with a newborn. Weirdly he actually got much better as they got older. He was just ignorant with the first baby as his own parents were so crap.

As a sleep deprived mother I was fine driving. Great excuse for useless men to leave their partner utterly exhausted while the they sleep as normal.

You've had a baby with a selfish arsehole.

I’d give him the options- he can either wear earplugs to block out the white noise, or sleep on the sofa himself, or take turns with settling the baby at night. He can’t expect his life to carry on as it was pre-baby.

He is fine to object to the white noise but he should give you and the baby the bedroom.

I am shocked that has not occurred to him.

Actually I think you are being unreasonable.

If your partner is driving to work or using machinery for work, then he MUST get sleep. If he doesn’t sleep, then he could be involved in a car accident and he would be at fault due to driving while tired.

When my children were born, paternity leave was extremely limited. We made a decision that partner would sleep in the spare bedroom to protect his rest since he was driving to work. Sleep also informed the decision to breastfeed: breastfed babies cry a lot less, don’t get colic and night feeding is quieter, quicker and doesn’t involve so much winding. We also used a bit of slightly loose swaddling to minimise the impact of the startle reflex (I understand this isn’t fashionable now)

I recommend you ditch the white noise. One of the best things parents can do is to act calm and minimal for night wakings rather than doing that thing of turning all the lights on as well as the tv. By keeping lighting v low, not making a massive noise, babies are more likely to develop a healthy circadian rhythm.

Of course white noise isn't going to damage a babies ears. Back in the 70/80s babies napped in the day,in the room with vacuum cleaners going, all sorts, because people realised if you kept everything quiet, tiptoed around them, they wake up at every sound.

I don't think either of you is being unreasonable. I can't sleep with white noise either, it would drive me mad. Earplugs too.

It's not unusual to sleep in separate rooms from time to time with young babies.
It shouldn't be you always sleeping on the sofa though, you should at least alternate, buy a more comfy bed etc. Or put a single bed/mattress your child's bedroom?

Why doesn’t he wear earplugs ? There are various ones on the market that are comfortable and noise cancelling.

Yep. You have a newborn and you've just given birth.

Tell him to get to the sofa OR do the wake-up/care in the night.

He's not just unreasonable, he's a selfish arse! It'd be different if she was 6 months old and hadn't settled/outgrown it. But she's tiny and you're still healing.

If anyone is sleeping on the sofa, it should be him.

Mum is also working, @HoskinsChoice Keeping a child alive. She falls asleep or stumbles at the wrong moment and the baby is at risk. Office jobs don’t carry the same risk, though manual or machine operating jobs do.

He is being selfish, and working or not, he should be helping with night feeds / early wake ups. He should be sleeping on the sofa. Why are his needs more important?

Don't be ridiculous! He's not more important, it's just different circumstances. You can't expect the working parent to do the night waking in the early stages when they have to go to work. They have a job to do which they are being paid for. At weekends, yes, but not when they have they have to go to work.