To get a bit peeved at MIL/PIL tightness?

Eurgh. Your issue here isn’t your PIL it’s your husband.

Tell him to get a spine and let his parents know that you’ll be bringing extra food as their appetites don’t match yours.

It’s really that simple.

You and your husband would rather neglect your children than offend his parents? Wow

It does sound complicated, but can you see that given the choice between their children never visiting, and having an honest conversation about food, most people would prefer to listen to their children and find a better way of managing meals? They would rather resolve a disagreement?

This. The reason we‘ve never addressed the very meagre portions in a similar dynamic. We make sure we go out for a large lunch and have snacks with us.

I‘m sure someone out there must have healthy family dynamics, but if you don’t the normal rules don’t apply.

I think you really just need to bite the bullet and deal with the fallout.

"Is that one pizza for all of us? Ha, DC will easily eat a whole pizza themselves! I'll just walk around to the Co-op and grab some more pizzas, is there anything else you need whilst I'm there?"

Or if you feel like being more direct or there's no shops in walking distance:

"Thanks for picking us up from the train station! Would you mind just stopping by Aldi on the way home? I know you two eat like birds but we and DC need more calories so we'll stock up on snacks now."

I don't know the ages of these people but I wonder if it's the baby boomer generation whose parents had gone through the war and suffered deprivation, rationing etc and brought their children (i.e. these now older adults) up to think that anything other than the bare minimum is 'greedy'. I've seen it in my own relatives of this age.

Doubtful - anyone with living memories of the war would be at least 90 now. Boomers were the babies born post-WW2.

My dh described his teenage years as “fraught”.

but seriously, the hitting aside some parents do react with significant emotional response to this kind of thing.

it’s unpleasant to watch and unpleasant to be part of.

i’m now divorced and incredibly grateful I no longer have to have anything to do with that dysfunctional family at all!

Why on earth haven’t you spoken to them about this or simply asked for more food? Surely that would solve the problem easier than anything else?

The last time I visited was 2011 I did post that above.

@Asunciondeflata I'm not sure of the etiquette of bringing in other threads of op herself hasnt

Maybe however the pils are trying to teach them a genuine lesson on what they need to eat ?

NO it’s does NOT need to be you as bad cop - tell him to fucking Grow Up and talk to his parents FFS!!

Do NOT let him duck out of this!!!!

Im so mad when weak pathetic men expect their wife to take the fire with their OWN family. It’s utterly pathetic.

I saw my mum the day before she died. I called her often it was complicated.

I think I'm the opposite and have to stop myself. My nightmare is guests being hungry and I'd hate to think people needed to sneak some crisps and chocolate to eat in their bedroom while thinking I should provide more food. This means I have a tendency to keep asking "would you like........" and I know that can be annoying. I try to leave things out and say just help yourselves.

It is hard to get it right sometimes.

@Anxioustealady yes absolutely

There is always a controlling trend on these types of DP or in laws their way or the high way.

Totally

Yes if it comes to my children going hungry. Or I wouldnt stay there. I take it you would let your children go hungry rather than say something? Odd.

@Octavia64 what dreadful behaviour ,arguing about the oven ? Not even asking anyone for help.
Defiantly sounds like something else going on there eg control issues

Wow @Octavia64 , your FIL hit you?

That is so far beyond acceptable. Glad you left and did not give him the opportunity to repeat that behaviour. Did your DH experience his violence as a child?

And then you never visited your parents again?

@Hedgehogbrown it's little to do with being polite and being conditioned
Imagine growing up in this tightly controlled environment.

As a pp said the red flag is that her DH and all those people wanting to hide snacks and pot noodles in bedrooms...the relationship wouldnt survive this small push back . ..

Ah yes.

PIL famously once served pasta. 4 adults and 2 teenagers.

When the communal bowl of cooked pasta was put on the table with a big flourish and a "help yourselves" announcement ds just looked confused as he could have eaten more than that just by himself.

We all ended up with teeny portions - was v odd.

Honestly think they had just weighed it out wrong - have supervised any pasta cooking since!

I've got the complete opposite problem. Mil seems absolutely determined to send us all home a stone heavier. That can spoil a visit too - she gets positively miffed if anyone says they're too full to eat pudding. "I got it specially for you because it's your favourite' Up at dawn preparing cooked breakfast for everyone when we're all still bloated from the night before. I once told her I wouldn't have sausage or bacon this morning because I had a bit of acid reflux. She made me a 4 egg omelette to 'keep me going' Laying on scones and cream and jam mid afternoon when we've just had lunch. She's not fat and neither are we but we certainly all would be if we emptied our plates every meal.

It's easier to deal with this I suppose by just sticking to guns and not eating more than you want. Must be really hard when you're hungry but the food's not there.

I know right?

How appalling.

The last time I visited my parents we had to buy Chinese. The next day we left. It's not that easy especially if they are stuck in their ways.

I missed that bit somehow! That's horrendous. I don't think I'd ever want to see them again if they hit me, especially over a sandwich ffs.