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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To get a bit peeved at MIL/PIL tightness?

507 replies

Theroadnottravelled · 19/08/2025 03:58

I know I’ll likely get flamed but we’re staying with my PIL for a week (DH, me,DCs 3 &5) and it’s nice to get away. My PILs aren’t horrid or deliberately nasty but the food situation when they host us is pretty miserable. They eat like birds and just don’t provide enough food. We’ve tried taking/buying stuff with us before but they get offended. For example they’ll cook a pizza for all of us. 4 adults, 2 hungry small people. It’s a small slice each. And some salad. That’s it. Or one piece of toast for breakfast. Or fairy cakes cut in half. Or one crumpet each for tea. I promise it’s not a money thing. They are more than comfortable. It’s just such small portions. I’ve offered that we stay in an Airbnb and cater ourselves but they won’t hear of it. We take the train to see them (it’s a long way and I’m the only driver) so can’t take loads of stuff with us. Arrrgghh. So awkward but we’re all ravenous. How can I broach it?

OP posts:
Theroadnottravelled · 19/08/2025 04:16

defrazzled · 19/08/2025 04:04

PIL are also like this, I just don't go anymore. It reached a head when I was so hungry (I am 5 foot 3 and weigh 8 1/2 stone so not a massive eater!) that I had to go out and get some takeaway and they were massively hugely offended. They never had any 'spare' food - every slice of bread was frugally allocated for a meal. It was so joyless. 1 bottle of wine between 8 people on Xmas day. It's fine to be a small eater and even to not realise others are different but when they have been told and carry on it's just rude and unkind imo, and judgemental. I hate even eating out with them when I am paying "Oh we don't need a starter and a main, gosh, aren't you greedy, goodness me look at you tucking in" etc - bore off!

I feel you on this.

OP posts:
Theroadnottravelled · 19/08/2025 04:13

It’s interesting - DH is a tall, large man with a large appetite. But he just wants a nice time, no conflict. So it’ll have to be me as bad cop. I hate Christmas with them too as they’re tee total (no judgement) but hate alcohol in the house and get very judgey. One bottle of wine - ooh, you’re having all that? Don’t know how you do it (between two of us for the whole holiday) urgh.

OP posts:
THisbackwithavengeance · 19/08/2025 04:13

Surely your DH can say “mum/dad, this isn’t enough food for all of us, we’re starving” and then order a deliveroo/takeaway. I don’t understand all this tiptoeing around like you’re strangers being polite. They’re his parents!

BreakingBroken · 19/08/2025 04:08

Obviously they are satiated and don’t understand. You need to speak up.

BillyNoProblems · 19/08/2025 04:06

Unless they are mind readers, the only way to change the situation is to have a clear conversation - and it should be your DH as they're his parents who sorts this out. You'll need to tell them that you need much more food and be specific, e.g. 2 slices if toast two eggs, 3 pizzas, 2 crumpets per person. You can offer to pay, do an onlne shop etc

defrazzled · 19/08/2025 04:04

PIL are also like this, I just don't go anymore. It reached a head when I was so hungry (I am 5 foot 3 and weigh 8 1/2 stone so not a massive eater!) that I had to go out and get some takeaway and they were massively hugely offended. They never had any 'spare' food - every slice of bread was frugally allocated for a meal. It was so joyless. 1 bottle of wine between 8 people on Xmas day. It's fine to be a small eater and even to not realise others are different but when they have been told and carry on it's just rude and unkind imo, and judgemental. I hate even eating out with them when I am paying "Oh we don't need a starter and a main, gosh, aren't you greedy, goodness me look at you tucking in" etc - bore off!

TryingAgainAgainAgain · 19/08/2025 04:02

How does DH respond to all this?

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