To get a bit peeved at MIL/PIL tightness?

That is INSANE!!!

omg. I would have reported him to the police, fuck him.

We had this one crumpet offered to the kids - and when I said that they said they'd do it with baked beans - which I was wtf - and DH tried to insist was a normal meal - never seen him before or since have it.

I veto it on salt grounds - way to much salt given how young there were then and they were given a sandwich with some salad and fruit. We all managed to be polite though DH did seem to think initally I just just let it be - IL were fine with me saying something.

That would drive me nuts

Ah ok! Thank you @SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius

@Robin67 not rude in the least! It is indeed penis portions, which is the practice of giving men much bigger portions of food than women.

The penis portion is a way of describing the very old fashioned habit of giving the menfolk bigger portions of food, and the ladies more delicate ones, @Robin67.

Dear @SpaceRaccoon, would it be rude of me to request some additional information about "penis portion nonsense"? I am wondering if it is a typo. But I am hoping that it is not, and that there is one hell of a back story.

We have ILs who are tight like this. The most memorable lunch was one small chicken between 5 adults (not overweight) and 2 growing teens, 2 small roast potatoes and a desert spoonful of peas each and worst of all VERY runny gravy. They even made the point about hoping for leftover chicken for the next day! Dessert was a petit filous tiny pot each. Yet when they come to us FIL eats like a gannet!

Now when we visit we have a big breakfast before the drive, pack snacks, and have a bigger meal when we get home. We refuse to stay overnight. Their cat gets a bigger bowl of biscuits than the cereal they spoon out!

At 3 and 5 though?

PIL never mentioned any problems until later with BIL and DIL. DIL was distant in nature. When we changed the meal times they came round a couple of times and then stopped. Neither I nor DH said anything and to this day DH does not want to acknowledge there was a problem. BIL is now divorced and we no longer see him. My parents always fed everyone in the home, no matter who. The saying was "Divide small and supply all". So it was quite a time before I cottoned on to what BIL was doing. It was my kind neighbour who opened my eyes when she asked when was it our turn to go to their house for a meal.

Well then they will have to address it; it really is that simple.

But they don't need to starve - or feed the children flapjacks for a week. That's really my point.

I agree and was being sarcastic based on other responses. Apologies if that was not clear.

Just feed your children normally and model good parenting and healthy food behaviours, rather than sneaking around trying to hide a normal food intake to try to appease controlling people who choose to feed starvation rations to their grandchildren.

I agree with this ^^

There is no way I would pussy foot around these people with weird ideas about food. If it offends them, I don't care. They have offended me by not feeding my children properly. And if they kicked up such a stink that it is impossible to stay I would just go home.

People like this won't change their behaviour if people continue to walk on eggshells around them.

This is about your dh understanding he is now a parent and has to put his children first. Not see himself primarily as the child of his parents.

Children's food needs come before those of adults. Any adult who cant speak up and set this boundary however politely...and assertively...is being weak. Sorry.

Just sneak out for come pre cooked chicken. Or have a nectarine. Sorted.

loving "noodle spined"

I get that , but I’ve already gave the OP my opinion.
It’s a very simple fix. Invite them to hers so she can eat and drink as much as she wants or just don’t go at all.
No one is forced to do anything. If her husband is such a wet blanket he won’t say anything, then the OP should.

I wouldn’t tolerate this behaviour, starving my family and I’m sure you wouldn’t either.

My kids happiness would become before my in-laws. If they are offended - tough

And why should the OP who doesn’t drive have to take her family on the train to see her
tight in-laws , who deprive them of food when they get there ? What fun is there in this ?

I think the issue sometimes is some people are small eaters ( usually older people) so forget that a growing family need lots more food. Kids need snacks, but some older people won’t have this in their cupboards because they don’t eat it.

I stayed at a family members before who didn’t use milk so didn’t have any in the fridge. I politely said our kids eat breakfast cereal so went out and got some from the local shop.

Some people invite people to stay with them yet don’t have basics such as bread and milk.

I find this totally bizarre.

I think popping out to buy chicken and eating it in secret is madness.
Just have the conversation.
Don’t be so polite. If a tiny pizza is brought out give kids a normal portion and if there’s none left for hosts then it hits home how silly they are - oh I assumed there was more pizza in kitchen, one small pizza can’t possibly serve 6, I’ll let the children eat and go and buy more etc.

Eating while on the move is fair enough- children understand that usual mealtime arrangements don’t apply.

However, a week of telling lies in order to buy and hide food and then eating in secret does not teach children about healthy food or healthy relationships. Children should not have to engage in subterfuge to avoid hunger at their own grandparents’ house.